The Journal of Dr Martin Ellingham
by BaronessvonTrapp
Summary: This is a journal written from Martin's point of view. It starts just as he discovers his blood phobia and right before he moves to Port Wenn. I plan to continue it to include his life in Port Wenn.  Be nice to me as this is only the first chapter!  :
1. Chapter 1

This journal is from Martin's POV and starts with Martin in surgery just as the phobia overtakes his life. Read on and enjoy.

March 8, 2004

I woke up this morning and my head aches. It still hurts despite all the analgesia prescription and over the counter that I have used within the past twenty four hours. I looked in the mirror and there is a ghastly bruise on my cheek with a black or more like purple eye. Seeing my mangled face made the memory of my head meeting the operating theatre floor come flooding back.

Yesterday began like any other day until I saw hard floor hurling toward my forehead. I got up as usual and prepared to make my way to the hospital. I was scheduled to do an open abdominal aortic aneurism repair. It is a procedure I have done hundreds of times. I could do it in my sleep. I felt perfectly normal getting frustrated with the London traffic.

On my way to the operating theatre, I was on my usual strict schedule. In my blur of motion I spotted my patients wife in the waiting area. I had already explained the procedure to her last evening ad nauseum! I saw no need to go into it again. I deliberately avoided eye contact. I soon heard a shrill shriek of "Doctor!" as I walked briskly by her. I refuse to answer to just Doctor. There were other Doctors whisking past me. One cannot be sure which Doctor one wants when a person does not specify! Just as I thought I was out of ear shot she threw in Ellingham. DAMN! I had no choice but to stop and talk to this hysterical woman.

She ran hysterically to me and literally clawed at me. I tried to calmly tell her that the procedure hadn't changed overnight. Then Dear God the tears started! I finally told her that the longer she kept me detained the longer it would take me to reach her husband on the operating table. This caused her to back away from me with a very cold stare.

I finally made it to the operating theatre without further detainment. The usual pre-operative procedure went smoothly. I assembled my operative team with the usual assembly line like precision. The patient was marked, prepped, and ready to cut.

This is where my day took a most bizarre twist. I picked up the scalpel in my right hand and looked at the patients exposed abdomen. I carefully made a midline incision and the normal minimal blood loss occurred.

I suddenly felt cold and clammy and out of my body. The room around me became blurry and spun out of control. I could hear blurry blended voices but I couldn't place them. I could hear my name yelled out. I wanted to say something anything but alas my voice caught in my throat. The last thing I remember was the hard floor hurling towards me followed by blackness.

Next thing I knew I woke up in accident and emergency. At times A and E is filled with bumbling first year house officers. I'm afraid my visit was no exception. I was getting very frustrated with the ineptitude of the house officers. To make the situation even worse some of my former house officers were on duty. Obviously they did not learn from my teaching while on my team! One of my former officers responded to my presence with a shocked, "Dr. Ellingham, what are you doing here?" I cut him down to size by saying "What am I doing here? What do think I'm doing here? I had an accident! I do not take pleasure in just visiting A and E to witness your ineptitude! I would have thought that my mangled face would have tipped you off!" His intelligent response was "AH AH AH, yes Dr. Ellingham sir!"

Much to my horror I had visitors in A and E. Of course, word spread around like wildfire. Doctor Edith Montgomery had the nerve to pay me a visit. She actually had the nerve to ask me what happened. She acted as though I planned this! I angrily replied, "How the devil should I know what happened! I did not wake up this morning thinking it would be brilliant fun to have a date between my head and the theatre floor. I did not actually plan to knock myself senseless in the middle of surgery! Where have I heard those words before? Oh I remember you told me that you didn't 'plan' to be fall for little house officer on my team shortly after we became engaged!" She stormed out in response. I won because I wanted to get rid of her anyway.

Once they were sure I had suffered no head or brain trauma I was released from A and E. My pride, reputation, and position have been damaged more than half of my face. The truth is I couldn't wait to get out of there. I was tired of so called well-wishers that were just dripping phony concern. At that point I was ready to strangle the next visitor that asked "What Happened?" I suppose if there is going to be strangulation in the hospital A and E is the best place for it!

Well now I must go and wait for the inevitable calls to come in. In the meantime I'm going to apply ice to my mangled right face and take some of the analgesics from A and E to relieve my blistering headache.


	2. Chapter 2

This chapter takes place when Martin figures out and comes to terms with his Haemophobia. Read and enjoy.

March 10, 2004

My situation has become even more bizarre. I had another attack today at the hospital. I decided I had to go back today and confront my colleagues. I was relieved to find out that they were able to scramble and get another surgeon as well as maintain the patient in the meantime. The patient is going to be just fine. That is one worry behind me. My reputation may be destroyed but at least I don't have to worry about a malpractice suit! Thank God for small miracles.

I made my way to the hospital to face the inevitable. I proceeded to the surgeon's area to see who I needed to speak to regarding my incident. I also wanted to check the theatre schedule. Well technically I have not yet been told I'm a danger to myself and others in the theatre, I figured I might still be on the schedule. It also helped to focus on my normal routine rather than the bizarre turn of events in my life.

Just like yesterday, I felt perfectly fine just like I did right before yesterday's surgery. I did get looks because of still mangled face. I coldly stared back with a vengeance. Really has no one seen a man with a black eye before? We were in a hospital for God sakes.

I heard the thundering of someone of someone coming out of the main theatre. It was Dr. Alden one of my trusted colleagues. He has just finished surgery and was still wearing a gown covered with blood. At that moment, I had another bizarre attack. Oh God not again! The whole are turned into a blur once more. I could hear his voice but like the last attack it was blurred and blended. Once again I felt like the victim of a bizarre horror film. This time my reaction was slightly different but just as disturbing. I did not faint and damage my face even further. I could feel my stomach beginning to lurch and rumble. Out of sheer instinct, I ran as to the loo as fast as my legs could carry me. I completely lost all the meals I have eaten over the past twenty four hours.

I don't understand this at all. What the hell is happening to me? Have I gone completely mad? What causes a seemingly healthy man to have these random attacks of a bizarre nature? Could it be stress? Oh no of course it's not stress! I thrive on a full schedule and stress. I'm not one to relax all day over the teapot. I'm happiest when I'm running madly all over the hospital or even all over the city for consults. I was the one student in medical school that thrived on the longer hours while my fellow students did nothing but cry and complain about chronic fatigue.

Wait a minute! These attacks are not "random" are they! My God they are not the least bit random. They don't happen just any time day or night. The first time I was fine until the patient lost blood. The second time I was fine until I saw Dr. Alden in a blood stained apron.

My God! BLOOD! THAT'S IT! That's the common denominator. It's now hitting me like a bolt of lightning. I'm an attending vascular surgeon for God sakes! It's not as if one can avoid blood during major surgery. Blood in inevitable during any surgery and I'm a surgeon!

How in God's name did this happen? I know I've developed the affliction but I don't know how I've developed it. As a Doctor, this is maddening to me. With patients, I can tell them why they have acquired a condition that requires surgery. For example, an abdominal aortic aneurism occurs when the large blood vessel that supplies blood to the abdomen, pelvis and legs becomes abnormally large and balloons outward. Yet with myself I've identified a condition and I have no idea what caused it or what course of action to take in order to correct it.

It has been "suggested" that I "take time off" to "figure things out." Perhaps I should call my Auntie Joan in Port Wenn. She's always nagging that I don't call or visit her enough. Perhaps I should actually go and see her. I'm almost afraid I'd give the poor women a heart attack if I called and suggested a visit! It might be nice to see Port Wenn again. My God I haven't been to Port Wenn since the summers of my childhood! I also haven't been on holiday in more years that I can remember. Perhaps it will be good to get out of London and contemplate my future course. I shall contact Auntie Joan tomorrow.

Now If I can only calm my racing thoughts I might be able to get some sleep. Auntie Joan used to give me chamomile tea to sooth my nerves and help me sleep when I was a child. Perhaps I will make myself a nice cup now and then attempt to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter takes place when Martin finally contacts Joan and learns there has just become a GP position in Port Wenn. In this entry, he is contemplating the pros and cons of accepting the position. We all know he ends of taking the position. Not to worry, I promise he will be in Port Wenn soon! Read and enjoy!

March 13, 2004

Well I was finally able to reach Auntie Joan. She is always so thrilled to just hear my voice on the phone. I suppose I should be flattered but really all that fuss over a phone call! When I call I literally have to hold the phone away from my ear when she shrieks "MARTIN!" I was stupid enough to comment on her over exuberance! I got "Well Martin if you called more often perhaps hearing your voice wouldn't be a momentous event in my life!" How to walk right into a lecture Ellingham!

I had to confide in her about my newfound affliction. Auntie Joan is not a stupid woman. She knew damn well I would not call AND suggest a visit for the fun of it! She knows me to well. She knows me better than my own mother. It is truly scary.

It turns out my calculated phone call was timed perfectly. She told me that Port Wenn's long time GP has passed on. My God it's about time. I remember him from when I was a child! He seemed old to me even back then.

She encouraged me to apply for the position. I could not believe my ears! ME, a GP in a small fishing village? I shuddered at the thought! I'm used to the city and the fast paced life at Imperial! How could I ever adjust to that kind of life?

Auntie Joan pointed out that I may not have a choice in the matter. I can't continue with surgery at least for now. Her point was that I will have to resort to starting over in general practice anyway. I might as well start over where I have family. I had a hard time arguing with that! After a few minutes, she managed to refute all my arguments as to why I couldn't consider the position. DAMN! "What other choice do you have Martin?" She repeated over and over and over in a nagging tone. So, I shall contact the people in Port Wenn first thing in the morning to discuss setting up an interview.

I can't even believe how much my life has changed so much within the blink of an eye. One moment I'm on the fast track of vascular surgery, the next minute I'm contemplating becoming a country GP. If it were happening to someone else, I wouldn't have thought it possible!


	4. Chapter 4

This chapter takes place right after Martin gets the GP post in Port Wenn. He finally made it. Read and enjoy.

March 23, 2004

Well its official, I've been appointed the new GP in Port Wenn. The days leading up to my appointment have been quite a whirlwind.

I was awarded the position but there were some rather tense moments leading up to my appointment. Truthfully I wasn't sure until the bitter end if I would get the appointment. I was quite relived when I realized it was over and I had prevailed.

The situation started with an utterly infuriating woman that I met on the plane. I was sitting across from her when something in her appearance struck me. I was immediately drawn to her left eye. Upon further inspection I could see her left pupil was mid-sized and non-reactive to light. I also noted mild redness and swelling of her conjunctiva. It was instantly obvious to me that she was suffering from open angle acute glaucoma. I leaned forward in my seat just to see better and confirm my diagnosis. It was abundantly clear that she was suffering from open angle acute Glaucoma. I was about to tell her my diagnosis when she leaned forward and started back at me with cold contempt. Before I could speak she snapped, "You've got a problem!" She rapidly decided to change seats. Well talk about being ungrateful. Well it was her loss. She'd be sorry when she suffered permanent vision loss.

Now normally my interaction with this women would have been insignificant and hardly worth mentioning. Well except for the fact that our paths crossed again within a very short time. Oh yes, I'm quite serious.

I arrived at Port Wenn in a hired car and was immediately ushered to meet the other board members. I was told that one of the remaining board members was "on her way." Honestly there is nothing I hate more the tardiness. It deeply offended me that this person could not be relied upon to show up for a very important meeting. That would never have been tolerated in London.

Eventually in Waltzes the tardy board member. Our eyes met and I realized it was her, the open angle acute glaucoma patient from the plane. What are the bloody odds? She was most unfriendly and gave me a cold stare before we all sat around the conference table.

Even with that infuriating woman's presence, the interview seemed to go quite swimmingly. Towards the end the head board member asked if there were any further questions. After a brief period of silence I felt certain I had the job in my back pocket.

After everyone stood up that annoying little pipsqueak of a women decided to be vocal. All I could think was fan bloody tastic! So we all had to sit back down again. I mentally prepared myself for her impending verbal attack.

That cheeky thing blurted out "How would you describe your interpersonal skills?" I suddenly had the fantasy of performing the bloodless procedure of wiring her jaw shut. I had to wire my share of jaws in medical school.

I had no choice but to calmly answer her question. Without missing a beat I responded, "I've been a surgeon for 12 years. I've had a team of Senior House Officers at Imperial. I do believe my record speaks for itself!" Then the annoying creature babbled on and on about bedside manner and how it related to small village GPs blah blah blah. I made up my mind that she was not going to make me, a prominent surgeon, flustered. After a few minutes I was asked to wait outside while the board hashed it out. OH GOD! Damn that women!

A few minutes later, I was called back into the room. On my way back in I spotted her barreling towards me with a rather strong attitude. Before I could speak she rudely barked, "You cross the line just once in Port Wenn and…" I cut her off by giving her my diagnosis from the plane. "Is you vision a little blurry in that eye? Is there pain?" She had to concede that there was vision disturbances and pain! "You have a case of open angle acute glaucoma! You should make an appointment with an eye doctor immediately!" She looked at me funny and proceeded to awkwardly walk away. In my mind I thought to myself, "YOU'RE WELCOME!"

I was called back in and told I had the position. I'm relieved to know that the rest of the board has enough sense to overrule her. Perhaps they find her infuriating as well.

Before I returned to London, to close everything out and arrange my move, I decided to pay Auntie Joan a visit and tell her the good news. I had to stop and ask for direction to Haven farm. I stopped and asked two fools by the side of the road. When I stopped and asked these two scruffy men, they said "You're Doc Martin!" Oh the impertinence. Wow word travels fast in this bloody village. I refused to tolerate such utter disrespect. "I'm not Doc anybody! I just need to know how to get the Haven farm!" "Yes you are you're Doc Martin!" I could not even believe I was involved in such a ludacris exchange. I decided the best thing to do was simply drive off. What the devil is wrong with the people in this community? Now I can't be one hundred percent sure but I could have sworn those two hooligans followed me and tried to run me off the road! I don't know how I'm going to ever adjust to these narrow roads anyway. All I could think after I narrowly escaped being run off the road was "Where am I?"

I finally made it to Auntie Joan's unscathed. As I feared, she was over the top sentimental. Her behavior even topped her vocal exuberance over the phone. She shouted out, "Little Marty!" OH GOD! She decided to remind me that one of the last times she saw me I was stung by a jellyfish on the beach and cried. I should make it clear that did not happen last summer! I was seven years old for god sakes! She claims I was actually eleven at the time of the incident. I beg to differ. However, I choose not to argue. She is an old woman after all.

I had only planned to stop by for a quick hello. After all I still had to return to London to arrange my move! Auntie Joan had other ideas. She boldly declared, "You'll stay for Chicken!" Notice she did not say, "Martin would you like to stay for Chicken?" It was a command not an invitation. It's hard to explain but at that moment I felt like a small boy again who could not argue and must do what he was told!

So off we went to the Chicken coop to grab a bird for dinner. She handed me a chicken. After a few minutes she decided the chicken I was holding would be our dinner. She looked at me like she expected me to execute the chicken! Oh I think not! I gave her a horrified look and declared, "Oh Auntie Joan NO!" She became frustrated and grabbed the chicken from me. She then proceeded to violently snap its neck. It truly scared me how easy it was for her to snap the neck of a live chicken! Then she hands me back the poor dead chicken.

We went inside for a bit. I couldn't take it when I saw Auntie Joan raise a clever in preparation to decapitate the chicken. I seriously lost my appetite for chicken. I babbled a bit about how I just came by to say hello and I really needed to return to London to finalize my move. She ran after me and proceeded to lecture me about not eating. I'll make it up to her eventually! I just could not bmear to eat that chicken that I held in my arms while it was still alive.

Well I did manage to extricate myself and made my way back to London to finalize things. Now I find myself back in Port Wenn for good. I really must get some rest. My boxes arrive from London early tomorrow. I'll be relieved when I can see they have all arrived in one piece. Tonight I am living on only one set of dishes, an electric kettle for tea and bedding all lent to me from Auntie Joan. Once everything arrives, I hope to settle into this new and rather bizarre life.


	5. Chapter 5

April 2, 2004

I've finally officially opened as the official GP in Port Wenn. It has been a rather rough road getting to that point. I survived but it felt like it was rather touch and go for a while.

For starters, I've attracted a new friend. Well perhaps friend is the wrong word. The friendship is unrequited on my end believe me. I should also mention that my want to be best friend and furry and four legged. Oh yes I'm quite serious. This stupid stray mutt attached himself to me the minute I arrived in Port Wenn. It's really rather pathetic considering the fact that I can't stand dogs! Most people love them but I fear that I am the exception. Dogs are dirty, smell wretched, carry disease and bite people. Oh yes Dogs are the best. That stupid mutt manages to find me and follow me wherever I go. It's frustrating because it's so completely one sided. I offer him nothing. I'm actually rather unkind to him. I yell at him and I physically move him out of my way. However he seems to love me anyway, the stupid senseless ball of fur.

As if my new best friend weren't enough, I have inherited an inept knucklehead of a receptionist. Oh yes, I'm quite serious about that too. On the day my boxes came I was settling up with the mover. At the same time, this rather stupid and rather bohemian young women shows up on my doorstep. She walked right into my personal space and declared, "So you're Doc Martin." First I must digress and mention that I HATE being called that. No matter how many times I correct the people in this village they will not cease calling me that. Anyway, she proceeded to introduce herself as Elaine. I stared at her in utter confusion wondering what the hell she was doing on my bloody door step. She then proceeded to tell me that she is my receptionist. WHAT? I firmly and immediately disabused her of that notion by telling her that I hadn't begun hiring yet. She argued back it me with such utter cheek. "I've come from Delabode!" she shouted. I'm new to Cornwall no Delabode means nothing to a Londoner like me. "Is that far?" I asked. Apparently my ignorance infuriated her further! "Delabode! YES! There is no point in going all the way back only to come back later is there? I might as well just start now!" she said as she brazenly walked right past me into the house. All I could think was, "Where in the bloody hell am I?"

I'm still appalled by the way Dr. Sim left his surgery. The equipment was outdated and/or broken. I got quite an unpleasant surprise when I opened up the refrigerator in the surgery. There was a container of milk that was so moldy it was practically penicillin. Not to mention the entire interior was absolutely revolting.

Oh it got much better. I went to turn on the sink only to find that no water came out. Well, silly me I actually expected the plumbing to work in my surgery! Auntie Joan sent the Large boys, the local plumbing team over to help. Well they were quite a colorful father and son pair to say the least. I was becoming highly irritated and frustrated with the whole stupid mess. Bert Large's major pearl of wisdom was "Look her Doc, around her we just all try and go with the flow!" OH GOD! I so wish people would bloody stop calling me "Doc" I just wanted running water i my surgery! I was not the least bit interested in chatting and/or going with the flow.

It seems like I've become somewhat of a laughing stock among the local sub human giggling local teenage girls. It seems as though every time they see me or walk by my house they giggle and make stupid inane comments. Well, I'm so glad that I can exist for their amusement.

Well I do have some semi positive news to report. Not every single experience since my arrival in Port Wenn has been negative believe it or not. They have been mostly negative but not entirely negative.

This experience has made me realize that first impressions are not always correct. I tend to think they usually are but not always. I'm forced to admit that I was wrong about the women I had referred to as "that infuriating women" So much so that I'm actually willing to admit I was completely wrong about her.

I was walking through the village when I spotted her through the window of the primary school. I had no idea she was a local school teacher. Truthfully I knew nothing about her. I noticed she had a patch over her eye. I was happy to see took my advice and went to see and eye doctor. I'm also forced to admit I did get a rather pleasant physical twinge when I saw her with the patch over her eye. I'm once again forced to admit she really did look utterly adorable with that eye patch. Few people are adorable enough to pull off that look! It hit me that she really is adorable in general. I didn't realize it until that moment. Well, in some ways it makes perfect sense. They first time we met she twisted up her face at me and moved away from me a quick as she could. The second time we met she was quite sour and argumentative. Let's face it neither one of those images were attractive. However when I glanced at her in her natural habitat being her herself, I was quite struck but her utter cuteness.

Right after I finished spying on the on the formerly utterly infuriating women I ran into Auntie Joan. I have to say it truly frightens me the way Auntie Joan has the ability to read my mind. As soon as I saw her she blurted out, "Her name is Louisa Glasson." EXCUSE ME! I was stunned. How in the hell did she figure out I was thinking about the adorable Ms. Glasson? I gave her no such indication that he completely engulfed my thoughts. Well at least I don't think I did!

Well I'm rather looking forward to creating a positive first impression with Ms. Glasson. I'm quite certain that I did not make a good first impression on her either. I suppose I've got my work cut out for me. I do know that seeing her looking that adorable with the eye patch has made it worth my while to try and change her opinion of me.

I believe I'll stop there for now. Oh believe me there is a lot more to mention. However I'm feeling rather tired. Right now I think the best thing to do is have a nice cup of chamomile tea before retiring to bed. Shortly after I arrived Auntie Joan made sure I was fully stocked with a wide assortment of herbal teas. I believe she has supplied me with enough herbal teas to last me a lifetime.


	6. Chapter 6

April 4, 2004

So I'm trying to think where I left off. Let me see. Oh yes, my first patient. I must clarify that it was my first unofficial patient. When he came by I was not officially open for business. Of course my imbecile of a receptionist is unable to convey that to the general public.

This man just showed up on my doorstep. I very politely informed him that I was not seeing patients until next week. Of course he didn't accept it I actually was stupid enough to expect a member of this village to be reasonable and bugger off.

I'll tell you that is something I cannot get used to about General Practice. People just stop by and expect you to drop everything to tend to them. Not only that they expect complete compassion and understanding. That obviously doesn't happen when you are a surgeon. Surgery with the exception of emergent surgery must be scheduled. Patients didn't drop by the hospital and say, "Dr. Ellingham, I happened to be in the neighborhood. Do you have a moment to perform AAA repair while I'm here?"

My first unofficial patient, Lt. Colonel Gil Spencer did not take kindly to my suggestion that he make an appointment for next week. He threw a mini tantrum and began to prattle on endlessly about how the immortal Dr. Sim saw patients when they needed him blah… blah… blah… Oh bother! I relented and led him back to my surgery.

I must say he did have a rather unusual complaint. He stated and gestured to men that he had developed breasts. It sounds bizarre but sometimes men due develop breast tissue. In fact, men even account for some cases of breast cancer. The medical term is gynocamastia.

The Colonel was not happy with my blunt assessment that what he was going through was very rare but normal. Well color me surprised! What is it with the people in this village? They only want a Doctor that delivers them happy good news. SO BLOODY INFURIATING!

He reacted my showing me his male bosoms. I have to admit I was quite shocked. They were bigger them the breasts on some of the women I've examined. I had never seen a case this extreme.

This rarely happens to me but the extreme nature of his case truly had me stumped. I tried to ask questions and figure it out. However since I was unable to give him the happy answer he wanted, he took his anger out on me and stormed out. Oh bugger!

Later I had an epiphany about his case that had not occurred to me earlier. I thought of a definite correlation that I neglected to make earlier. It dawned on me that I had met the Colonel's wife for the first time in the village a few days before. She approached me and wanted me to fix a prescription for her right there on the street. That is yet another thing about the citizens this village that drives me insane. They expect me to just whisk out my prescription pad whenever they give me an order. Apparently, Dr. Sim used to do it all the time. Well no wonder the people of this town adored him! He did whatever they wanted to shut them up and to hell with medical ethics. I SHUDDER!

Now, I did make an exception is her case. She wanted a refill on her HRT cream. I looked at her old dosage and made a sound medical judgment that I could give her the refill without doing any harm. However I made it clear to her not to expect this on a regular basis. I told her she must come and see me for the next refill.

It hit me smack between the eyes. Her use of the HRT cream was literally rubbing off on her husband during intercourse. That was causing his breast development.

I knew I had to talk to them together. I went to their home sat them down and delivered my diagnosis. After delivering such a delicate diagnosis, I decided they needed to be alone. I told them to call me if they needed anything and promptly high tailed it out of there.

Well, I thought that was a problem solved. However there was another bizarre twist. I was still not taking patients as of yet. However my moronic receptionist managed to let another one into my surgery. Blast her!

This young man appeared highly distressed. He blurted out that he thought he was growing breasts. Well I figured that shot my theory all to hell. Well it turns out in reality it didn't. I shall get to that later.

The citizens of the village were enjoying a local fair. I went to tell my patients that I had an unrelated case. What a bloody fiasco that turned out to be! I found the Colonel's wife and she was obviously trying to avoid me and the issue! TYPICAL! She dodged the issue by introducing me to a highly irritating woman named Caroline. Apparently Caroline is our local radio personality. Caroline babbled to me how it is the job of the village Doctor to announce the winner of the best dress contest or something like that. Truthfully I wasn't paying much her much mind at the moment. I was more focused on trying to discuss a rather delicate issue with both my patients.

I was finally able to track down the Colonel. I found him I had new information. Since it is a rather delicate matter I wanted to talk with him in private. BIG MISTAKE!

I lead him to a side alley. We turned the corner and discovered his wife beginning intimacy with another man. Oh but it wasn't just any man! It was my so called unrelated case! AH HA! I was right after all. There was a link with the HRT cream. I suddenly felt vindicated.

Well the guilty parties spotted us and stopped their intimacy. They all began yelling at me. Of all the impertinence. Sure blame Doctor Ellingham for all the problems is Port Wenn! Why the hell not. They all very rudely cursed my name and all ran off in a rage.

I was about to go after them and try to undo any harm when I found myself being ushered on stage. FANBLOODYTASTIC! Just what I needed. I started to announce the winners of the best dress contest. At the same time I could see the Colonel and his wife fighting. This made me lose my train of thought. I was promptly reminded that we were live on radio Port Wenn Oh but things got even worse. I noticed the young man appeared on the scene. From the stage I could see that the situation had the potential to become violent. I forgot that I was live on he radio and in a fit if extreme stress louldy cried out, "OH SHIT!" I decided it was time to simply flee the scene. My shouting expletives over the radio did not go over well. The next day that blubbering imbecile Caroline felt compelled to announce on the radio how disappointed everyone was with Dr. Ellingham's performance on the radio. OH PLEASE! Bloody get the hell over it!

Oh but I should mention the one bright spot in my appallingly bad day I was able to have a very nice and very civil conversation with the currently adorable and formerly infuriating Ms. Glasson. I spotted her with her eye patch. I don't know what it was about her in that eye patch that caused the most pleasant physical twinge! She waved at me most enthusiastically I wondered if maybe I was growing on her! She declared that even though we got off a rough spot she still wanted me to be her Doctor. I took that as a good sign indeed. That incident almost overshadowed all the other garbage I had to deal with.

I tried my best to talk to the Colonel's wife and restore some peace to the whole bleeding mess. Of course it went wrong and turned into let's just blame every little thing on Doctor Ellingham. Things got completely out of hand. Oh color me surprised. The young Romeo showed up and I was violently punched in the nose.

The stupid mess had me so angry that I considered leaving Port Wenn. I still have my flat in Kensington. I was about ready to high tail it out of Cornwall and try to obtain a GP post in London.

I hate to admit this but Bert Large talked me into staying. It's pretty bloody scary when Bert Large is the voice of reason. he said, "We need a Doc and you need patients. We don't all have to love one another." I have to admit it's simple minded but very true! So I did not going running madly in the direction of London.

Now it is time for a nice cup of herbal tea before bed. I sincerely hope that one day my life will be even again and not one crazy drama after the other. One can only hope.


	7. Chapter 7

April 8, 2004

I keep hoping that one day my life will calm down and assume an air of normalcy. Well so far that hasn't happened. It's still filled with crazy drama.

I finally opened for official patients. I thought that would be a good thing. I thought that maybe a regular schedule and routine would bring on some normalcy. THINK AGAIN!

I was ready and actually looking forward to my first patient, Mrs. Walker. When she came in I asked her what her medical complaint was. She looked at me like that was a ridiculous question. I am a Doctor, am I not? The only thing bothering her was headaches. She has been suffering from headaches "for years." She only stopped by to inform me that she has been suffering from headaches for a great deal of her life. If that wasn't bad enough she then had the cheek to ask me for a cup of tea. This is a surgery not a bloody café. Where did she think she was? Almost all of my subsequent consultations asked me for a cup of tea. Why do these people continue to confuse this surgery with a full service café? Apparently the great Dr. Sim used to serve tea. It seems to me he also used to pass out medications like candy whenever the patients requested it.

I had finally had it. After close to half a dozen patients without medical problems, I had no choice but to put my foot down. If I had wanted to run a nice little tea shop, I would not have bothered to go to medical school. I could have set myself up right after secondary school.

I went out into my full waiting room and performed a little shall we say verbal survey. I asked for a show of hands for patients with actual medical problems. I followed it up with a show of hands of people who were here to gawk, chit chat or savor tea. I'm sure it's painfully obvious that the gawkers won out. I love the way no one sees anything wrong with lounging about in the local Doctor's surgery. Believe me people didn't lag about in the hospitals waiting rooms and lounges. I put my foot down and ordered all the gawkers to leave. Only those with real medical problems were to remain.

As one of the gawkers was about to leave I noticed that he may indeed have a medical problem. In other words he came to gawk but I picked up on a genuine medical problem that he was not aware of. Kind of ironic isn't it? His name was Roger Fenn.

I noticed his voice sounded hoarse. It sounded more like chronic hoarseness rather than acute hoarseness due to a sore throat. I asked him how long he had been experiencing problems with his voice. His answer was 25 years. MY GOD! What the bloody hell is wrong with the people in this village? How can a person be hoarse for twenty five years and not consider seeing a Doctor. It truly blows my mind.

I examined his neck and definitely felt a lump. Well that could explain 25 years of hoarseness. I told him I was referring him for a biopsy. His response was "Cancer?" Well obviously! That is usually why one goes for a biopsy. I don't simply refer people for biopsy for the fun of it. As I expected he argued with me and asked for throat drops. Yes, let's but a small band aide and a gunshot wound. I finally told him he was to go for the biopsy and no more arguments.

Later I came out of my surgery and Elaine hands me a hand written message. I have told her over and over and over to put messages though to my bloody service. She claimed the system never works. My theory is the system is fine. It's her brain that doesn't work.

I was not surprised to find that the name of the patient was illegible. Apparently a little boy with an illegible name was suffering from fevers and abdominal pain. That could indicate any number of serious medical problems the most obvious being appendicitis. I shouted at her about the name and her intelligent rebuttal was "Well that's why I wrote the number." Oh yes why didn't I think of that. Dr. Ellingham is so unreasonable yelling at poor stupid Elaine. Just because a child's life is at stake is no reason to be upset.

I dialed the number and it was a non-working number. Well color me surprised! So, in other words there was a sick child somewhere that I had no way of reaching. Elaine had the unmitigated gall to cry out, "It's not my fault!" Really? Oh perhaps it's my fault. Let's just blame Dr. Ellingham! Why not! I'm responsible for all the problems in the village anyway. I might as well take this on.

Well that incident was the straw that broke the camel's back! I could no longer handle her stupidity. How could I? It was no beyond irritating. It was endangering patient's lives. I told her I could not tolerate her endangering patients anymore and she was to look for alternate employment. Of course she cried and carried on. However I didn't care. My only concern was finding the sick child.

As I was rushing out I ran into a man coming towards the surgery. It turns out it was Elaine's father coming to see her at work. Now what were the bloody odds that he came to see her right after I sacked her? I was beginning to think I had a curse on my head. I explained to him the situation and he actually understood. Could there actually be a rational person in Port Wenn? He started chit chatting to me about Elaine and her childhood. He then proceeded to mention his upcoming nuptials. He even invited me to the wedding. Why do people in this town always think I have time to shoot the breeze? People don't chit chat in the operating theatre, ICU, or CCU! I was finally able to extricate myself and look for the sick child.

I decided the most sensible thing to do was to ask Louisa if she knew of any child that had called in sick from school. I felt painfully guilty but having a sick child as an excuse to go and see her gave me the most pleasant physical twinge.

I was most distressed when she decided to give me a rather strong attitude for dismissing the gawkers from my surgery earlier. Well that certainly cooled down the warm twinge I had earlier. It turned it into a twinge of frustration and irritation. She gave me a lecture on small town practice blah blah blah… Even though she was irritating me I still couldn't help but find her physically appealing. Just because he demeanor was rather ugly at the moment didn't detract from the fact that she was still very appealing physically! OH BUGGER!

The good news is she was able to help me figure out who the sick child was. His name was Bobby Richards and she gave me his information. So off I went. I figured I could somehow make it up to her later and get into her good graces again.

Luckily I examined Bobby and it turns out it was tonsillitis not appendicitis as I had feared. So he did not have to be rushed off to the hospital. I was able to give him something for his sore throat.

Well you would have thought his mother would have been grateful that I came all this way and correctly diagnosed her son. It turns out she is a close friend of Elaine and her family. I tended to her son and she gave me a tongue lashing about my decision to fire my stupid and moronic receptionist. I found that ironic because Elaine's stupidity could have endangered the life of her child. Oh and it turns out Bobby's sister is part of the pack of puerile female teenagers that gains pleasure out of giggling and mocking me. Luckily I was able to extricate myself before I said something really regrettable.

After all that drama, I decided to stop by the local café for a nosh. The waitress informed me that they were out of everything including the tap water. It turns out she is a friend of Elaine's. It seemed like everywhere I went I was getting a backlash of hostility from friends of Elaine. People were shouting obscenities to me in the streets. Why was I the only one concerned that she endangered the life of a small child?

Later in the afternoon I got a call from the lab with Roger Fenn's results. It was in fact cancer as I expected. I decided to deliver the news in person. You see most of my patients cancelled due to the backlash with Elaine. So I had nothing better to do anyway.

As an aside while I was on the phone that stupid filthy dog somehow got into my surgery, the useless ball of fur. The mangy thing got into my garbage and proceeded to spill it all over the floor. Why do so many people love dogs? They are utterly disgusting! I forcefully removed the filthy creature. It boggles my mind that he still loves me and I show him nothing but utter contempt.

I decided to go and see Roger in the hospital before his surgery. As I was walking towards oncology someone was walking towards me in a blood stained apron. I began to have an attack similar to the one I had in surgery it seems like ages ago. I began to feel out of my surrounding and everything became blurry and blended. I was able to run to the nearest loo and lost all my meals over the past twenty four hours.

I was finally able to get it together enough to go and see Roger. I still felt rather queasy. I think I looked queasy too. Roger asked me if everything was alright. I got ready to say I was fine. However something came over me and before I knew it was confiding in him about my heamophobia. I have no idea what came over me. I almost didn't realize what I had done until it was all over. He claimed his secret was safe with him. Let's hope he is being sincere.

I ended up attending Elaine's father's wedding. I'm not sure why I was even invited since I barely know the man. However I decided it was easier to go then to deal with the backlash later.

I spotted Louisa and she looked as lovely as ever. I decided that a festive occasion might be a good time to get back in her good graces. I assumed that she would like the fact that I was participating in village life. Well, I tried to be as friendly as ever and she snubbed me! OH BUGGER! We filed into the church and I tried to ask her what was wrong. However the music started and some old battle axe "shushed" me.

When we got outside I ran into Roger Fenn who was recovering nicely from surgery. I greeted him and told him not to talk and rest his cords. Louisa came barreling up to us and started chewing me out for not visiting Roger in the hospital. Roger tried to gently whisper in my defense. She cut him off too by saying, "Don't defend him!" Oh this was getting ridiculous! I finally was able to defend myself by telling her that she was sorely mistaken. I did in fact visit Roger the morning of his surgery. She got defensive and barked, "Well why didn't you just tell me that?" I explained that I tried but was vehemently "shushed" in church.

At the reception I talked to Elaine. I don't know why but I agreed to take her back. I figured I needed a receptionist. A completely stupid receptionist is better than none at all. I knew if I didn't take her back, I would never have another patient again.

Elaine will start back on Monday. I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever settle into a normal life. What scares me the most is I think I'm actually getting used to the craziness.


	8. Chapter 8

April 12, 2004

I've just been through hell and back dealing with a stomach virus epidemic. I take that back. I've been through hell but I'm not sure I have returned. As time passes I wonder if the "and back" part will ever occur.

The whole adventure started when I agreed to be on radio Port Wenn. I should have said "NO." However, I was told its tradition for newcomers to be interviewed by Caroline, the local and not to mention highly irritating radio personality. I have learned very early on that the backlash of not following tradition is worse than the tradition itself.

I should have known it would be a bunch of moronic questions about my personal life. Well we must keep the local teenagers entertained. Without me they might not have anything to giggle about. Wouldn't that be tragic?

I was already in a bad mood because Caroline introduced me as "Doc Martin" I have made it abundantly clear that I hate that! Oh but I've only said it 500 times. Maybe just maybe when I reach 1000 times they just might get the message and call me Dr. Ellingham.

There really is no pleasing the people of this village. If I don't agree to tradition I get called every vulgar name and then some. If I do agree and everything doesn't go completely as planned, it is absolutely positively without fail the fault of Dr. Ellingham. I actually got scolded for my mono syllabic answers. Well maybe if her questions weren't so bloody moronic a person could give detailed answers. Oh, and everyone I ran into afterwards informed me I was rubbish on the radio.

Oh but my day was about to get worse. My next patient was a teenage boy with an infuriating mother that would not let him speak. She explained that he had "the runs" I listened to the gory details and proposed a treatment plan. She was quite insistent I "look at his bottom" I think not! There was absolutely no need thank you very much. Believe me with diarrhea patients' looking at the bottom does not help. So, I dodged that bullet and sent her on her way. Apparently her mute son was dying to get back to his job as a lifeguard at the leisure center. I instructed him not to return to work until he was completely well. Since the people in the village do the polar opposite of what I say, I'm sure he was back at work before lunch.

Now it is not enough for just one person to come down with a virus. Since the villagers love to ignore my advice, I can almost always be certain of an epidemic. I came out of my consulting room and overheard Elaine telling patients that a belly ache was not enough to get them into the surgery. I almost had to blink to convince myself I was actually hearing such lunacy. I confronted her and told her it is my decision that gets to come to my surgery. She claims she was helping me by filtering out non emergent cases. Now, figuring that out would take brain cells. Since she doesn't have any brain cells, I doubt she knows triage. I was alarmed to find out that close to a dozen people were turned away.

I decided I needed to talk to Mrs. Tishel, the local chemist. I had not met her yet which made matters worse. First meetings in this town turn out to be particularly deadly. She made quite a fuss and told me she was waiting for me. Apparently, it is tradition for the GP and the chemist to meet and discuss things over tea and cakes. Oh God! How would we live without tea and cakes? All I wanted was a list of the diarrhea patients. She baked me a cake that may or may not have been stale because she had been waiting for me. Doesn't that sound appealing? Let's all sit around weak tea and stale cakes for inane conversation. Finally the only thing left to do was say, "STOP TALKINGAND GET ME THAT LIST!"

On the way back to the surgery I ran into a mother stating that her daughter had a bad tummy bug but she was told she couldn't see me. It turns out her daughter Emily uses the pool at the leisure center. It suddenly hit me that I had a possible link. After contacting all patients on the list I found they were all in some way linked to the leisure center. The next step was to go to the leisure center and speak to the pool manager.

I was able to speak with him and explain that he must shut down and do a thorough test on his pool water. I was greeted with "You can't do that!" Even sickness cannot bring these people out of their world of ignorant rosy denial.

I was tired of arguing so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I went to the edge of the pool and was finally able to stop the children from caterwauling. I introduced myself as Dr. Ellingham. Now the children were less then pleased with having their play time interrupted. So they all decided that I was mean and I smelled. That led to the creative chants of "Dr. Smellingham." Yes, so painfully cleaver. I stunted their brilliant creativity by telling them there was something dangerous in the water. This led to a screaming mass exodus. People say I don't know how to handle children. HAH!

Well, my theory didn't last long when I began to see patients that were not linked to the leisure center in any way. OH BUGGER! As a result I was asked back on radio Port Wenn to explain the status of the virus. Since it was broadcasting for the good of public health I agreed. I explained it was most likely not the leisure center. Naturally people wanted to know the source. I informed them that the next logical assumption would be the water supply. I encouraged everyone to please boil the tap water before drinking it.

I was not however prepared for the hostile backlash. Apparently several years ago Port Wenn had a scare with the water. The national press got a hold of it and several people lost their houses and jobs. Well as sorry as I am to hear that, I have an ethical obligation to report a local hazard to public health.

You can imagine this did not go over well with the denial seeking people of Port Wenn. I've been called every obscene name and then some. I've also learned quite a few new obscene gestures today.

Obviously it has been an appallingly long day. I was so happy to be in my quiet kitchen away from the uproar. Just as I was beginning to feel relaxed, there was a knock at the door. Oh Bugger! It was Bert Large. Yes just what I needed. Before he could get a word in edgewise, I snapped, "Bert it has already been an appealingly long day. Take two aspirin and insult me in the morning." Of course he did not actually head my advice and bugger off. No, he had special mineral water that he claimed was from France. The only way to get rid of him was to take the bloody water. If the water were in fact the culprit it couldn't hurt.

After a few days, I got the water test results back. Much to my shock, the tests were negative. I was more confused than ever. Where the bloody hell was this epidemic coming from? As I was spinning my wheels I noticed Bert making mineral water deliveries. It hit me like a punch in the face. AH HA! That is where the infection came from.

I knew I must go see him at once. I found him filling bottles on his land. France? France, my arse! It turns his spring is on the north end of his property. I asked if he kept sheep there. The reason I asked that was because sheep during lambing are a common source of cryptosporidium, the root of the infection. I knew it would be a tangled mess for Bert to try and get his bottles back. However, at least it wouldn't spread further.

I found myself on Port Wenn radio yet again. Oh God give me strength! You would think I would be thanked for digging to the root of the problem and making the village well again. OF COURSE NOT! Caroline tried to bait me into admitting I was wrong. I refused to take the bait and she couldn't stand it. I simply explained that I had to explore several different theories which were the truth. HAH!

Well in the midst of all the madness there was a bright spot in the form of Louisa Glasson. She came to see me shortly after thing died down. I saw her coming and felt that familiar warm physical twinge that she and she alone can provoke. She came by to apologize to me. A woman willing to apologize? That event nearly caused a mild cardiac event on my part. Be still my ever besting heart! Never once did Edith ever ever apologize to me. Louisa apologized for chewing me out over Roger Fenn. Well she did falsely accuse me so I did deserve a full apology.

Her apology ended on a particularly high note. The end result was we made a date to meet at the pub. Now, she did try to trick me into asking her out. The problem is I find her so utterly adorable that I let her get away with it. She told me she has just come from the pub. Then she began to speak about the pub with a huge smile as if she were doing a paid advertisement. Then she cleverly slipped in, "Perhaps we will run into each other there one night!" Gee, whatever was she playing at? I let he walk away from a moment and called after her. The reason for that was it gave me more opportunity to observe her from behind. I suddenly called after her, "I have an idea. Why don't we go out for a drink one night? Say Friday 7:30?" That woman doesn't miss a trick. She brazenly asked me if I knew she wanted me to ask her. She caught me so off guard that all I could think to say was "Yes!" My pleasant physical twinges took over rational thought. Oh, what has that woman reduced me too! I would never have been caught like that with Edith.

Unfortunately our date did not quite work out as planned. She went to the bar for the drinks and I headed out to the patio. Unfortunately PC Mark Marlow was there. For some reason, Mark has decided that we are best friends. Oh, it is completely one sided believe me! Ever since I arrived in Port Wenn he has attached himself to me like a poor wounded bird. He once told me in the surgery that he was suffering from depression. I listened as a GP. He thought I was listening as a best friend. He plopped himself down on the table and started to prattle on and on and on about his depression. Double bugger! When Louisa returned he actually asked her to give us a minute! Triple Bugger! Before I could blink she was gone. As usual, I'll have to find a way to make it up to her.

Now after days of this complicate mess, I'm utterly exhausted. It is once again time for my herbal tea before bed. I used to enjoy a cup of herbal tea now and then. However life in this crazy village has made me dependent on it at the end of every day.


	9. Chapter 9

October 1, 2004

Well my newest adventure makes the stomach virus look like small potatoes. It occurs to me that I now reefer to all my cases as adventures. That is painfully scary to me. I never did that as a surgeon. I never once said, "Gee, the AAA repair was quite an adventure!" Even the most emergent cases weren't adventures. "Gee that ruptured appy was an adventure!" I'm not even entirely sure what that says about the current state of my life.

Things started of nicely in the form of Louisa Glasson. I of course got the same familiar warm twinge of delight. She told me that she has just obtained two tickets to the Port Wenn dance and invited me. I shuddered. I absolutely shuddered. A dance? I think not. Even she could not manipulate me into going to a bloody dance. Yes, I want to spend more time with her. I've spent quite a bit of time with her in my sleep. However, I may discuss that at a later time. I want it to be on my terms. I was us to be alone not with a bunch of puerile gawkers analyzing every aspect of our interactions. I have no intention of spending the evening screaming to her over loud and vile music. Not to mention the damage it could inflict on the vocal cords.

I refused and she invited Mark right in front of me. I had no intention of going but Mark? I could not believe my ears. There is no way on God's green earth that she could be interested in Mark. Perhaps she did it to make me jealous. Women are always pulling stupid manipulative tricks like that. Well on that note, she was absolutely wasting her time. There is no way someone like me could be jealous of a man like Mark.

Speak of the Devil; Mark came to see me in my surgery the very next day. Since he thinks we are best friends, he decided to disclose the Louisa is the women of his dreams. I wish that were as far as it went. Oh he went much much deeper. Oh yes, I forgot, what are best friends for?

He started asking me questions about attraction and women. As the conversation went on I could see it was heading into sexual territory. It crossed over with a vengeance. He was convinced that Louisa invited him as a passport to a post dance sexual dalliance. I shuddered at the image that conjured up. Be still my ever beating heart.

Oh but that was only the beginning of our manly sexual discussion. He asked me what was considered "normal". It look me a minute to figure out what he was getting at. It dawned on me rather quickly I'm afraid. I could not even believe I was having this discussion with Mark as it related to Louisa of all people.

I finally explained to him that there is a range of "normal" However he was still feeling insecure and quite unmanly. This was so much more information then I needed for patient records. He disclosed to me that he purchased "Big Boy" pills over the internet. I love the way people in this village take the word of the internet over a man with a medical degree. I knew with a one hundred percent degree of certainty that these pills were useless. However I decided to keep my mouth shut. I did not want to encourage any more discussion on size issues thank you very much.

Later I came to find out that Elaine had scheduled a home visit for me on Bodmin Moor. I have told her over and over again that it's an emergency patients must come to the surgery. Apparently this patient does not like coming into town. Yes, well I don't like driving all over the country side waiting half a day. I didn't argue this time. In reality it was a perfect excuse to extricate myself from my horrid conversation with Mark. For once Elaine's shortage of brain cells paid off.

So I set off to see Stewart, the park ranger. Naturally, he liked rather off the beaten path. I arrived and he's walking around perfectly normal. So, why couldn't he come to the surgery? He requested insomnia and anxiety medication. He bloody well could have come into the surgery for that. Oh but the medication wasn't for him. It was for his friend Anthony. I told him I would be more than happy to see Anthony and IF I deemed it appropriate I would dispense the medication. He became extremely defensive and said that Anthony cannot see me. Apparently Dr. Simm always complied. Well color me surprised. I am no longer even shocked at the unethical behavior of my predecessor.

In the middle of our conversation, Stewart starts firing random shots at an imaginary target outside. He began babbling uncontrollably about the Gray squirrels. He wondered how Anthony was supposed to survive. It suddenly dawned on me that his so called friend was an imaginary giant squirrel.

He became highly agitated and I was forced to eat dinner with him. He kept referring to me as his "new mate" When looking at the "new friendship" part of me longed to be back at the surgery with Mark discussing size issues.

He set a place for Anthony at the table in case he showed up for dinner. He served Anthony polenta. Oh yes the logical meal of a squirrel dinner party. He suddenly started talking to the empty chair. I then assumed that meant Anthony was amongst us.

Oh, it gets better; he told me that Anthony was highly hurt and offended that I did not say "Hello." Since there was a gun pointed at my head, I decided I should comply. I began to wonder what my former surgeons would think of me now if they saw me chatting it up with a large imaginary squirrel.

I was finally able to extricate myself by promising to come back tomorrow. On the drive back I could not help but wonder why this man has not been committed. He clearly needs help and he wasn't getting it. I was going to have to tear Mark from Louisa's arms in order to help with involuntary commitment.

All of a sudden there was an extreme disturbance. Stewart was in town. He stood on the hill above and was screaming incoherently. Guess who was blamed for the infraction? Dr. Ellingham, of course. I was asked what I did to make him like that. Not only that I was told that I should have just given him what he wanted. Oh yes, let's just dope him up to get off our backs. Finally Stewart got tired and ran way. I'm not surprised the way he was carrying on. I summoned Mark to help me the next day.

On the way in the car, Mark and I had another colorful discussion. He confessed that Louisa was not the women of his dreams. He was under the impression that she was madly in love with him but he wasn't for it. Oh yes of course. I played along and did not disabuse him of that idiotic notion.

It suddenly dawned on me that Mark's pills were nothing more than vitamins. I noticed he carried them in his pocket. Why he carried them with him on a home with me I don't even want to know. It occurred to me that it I could give Stewart vitamins and tell him it was the proper medication. It occurred to me that that is most likely what Dr. Simm did. He was not as stupid and unethical as I thought he was. That must have been what the villagers meant by giving him what he needs. It pains me to admit I acted in haste and the villagers were right for once. So, that is what I did and Stewart has been quiet since.

Now at the end of yet another adventure I prepare a cup of herbal tea. It does concern me that the adventures seem to keep getting worse. I'm almost afraid to dream of what tomorrow will bring. I do wonder what could be worse than a mental patient with an oversized squirrel as a best friend.


	10. Chapter 10

April 20, 2004

Here I am finally at the end of another adventure. Adventure is now become the story of my life.

My newest adventure started when a man literally crashed into town. I was walking by the harbor when I saw a boat rushing towards the shore. Upon closer inspection I realized the driver had passed out. Bloody Hell! I needed to get back to the surgery. I so didn't have time for that. However the Hippocratic Oath demands that I offer assistance as long as I'm able to reasonable to do so.

I asked the man his name and he said it was "Marty." I assumed that was his name Much to my utter shock and horror he said "No you! You're little Marty." Oh God! It turns out he was a friend of Auntie Joan's and remembered me from my childhood. He introduced himself as John Slater. He said it as if the mere mention of his name would trigger carefree childhood memories. He obviously didn't make a lasting impression on me as a child because I had no bloody idea who he was. He asked about Uncle Phil who has been dead for several years. As he did this I wondered what exactly he was playing at.

After I finished up with Auntie Joan's stupid and infuriating friend, I headed back to the surgery. Much to my horror, it was full of puerile teenagers. Yes just what I needed. Seeing the teenagers almost made me long for the company of Auntie Joan's moronic friend.

Apparently their little friend Melanie somehow managed to dislocate her shoulder. I don't even want to know how it happened. I promptly preformed a full reduction. Luckily that caused her to stop her annoying high pitched screaming. Then the silly little thing gazed at me like I had done something miraculous. In reality reductions are quite simple. After a few minutes of stupid teenage gaping I was able to get rid of all of them and continue about my day.

I decided I should probably go and warn Auntie Joan that her "friend" John slater is in town and looking for her. When I mentioned his name to her this look of panic and horror spread across her face. She loudly and emphatically stated, "Well I don't wish to see him!" As luck would have it he walked up behind her the second those words were out of her mouth. I decided the best thing to do was promptly extricate myself. I had no intention of planting myself on that particular minefield.

A few days later, I ran into little Melanie again. She was dressed like a rather cheap looking miniature adult. How she was allowed out of the house I don't know. She approached me and gushed on and on about how wonderful I was at fixing her shoulder. I calmly explained that I was simply doing my job. She then handed me a cake that she had baked "just for me." OH GOD! She looked up at me adoringly and said, "I think you are very nice!" He eyes pleaded for me to return with a positive response on her part. I figured I could easily get rid of her by saying, "Yes, well I think you are nice too!" I really don't think I could handle arguing with an unstable teenager. The best course of action was to agree with her and give her the response she wanted.

When I returned to the surgery Auntie Joan's friend John was in the waiting room. Fanbloodytastic! I really did not care to be involved with him or whatever was going on between him and Auntie Joan. I noticed he looked rather flush so I asked him to come back to the consulting room. I explained to him that he may be suffering from heart trouble. I suspected he may have been suffering from orthostatic hypertension which is a rapid increase in blood upon standing. I suggested he go for more tests and of course he refused to do so. Well color me surprised. Why do all my patients ALWAYS refuse when I offer a sensible plan of treatment? Patients refuse my orders then coming sobbing back to me when they are much worse. Oh yes I forgot everything in this village is Dr. Ellingham's fault. He got up to storm out and I warned him not to upset Auntie Joan. I was pretty sure he would ignore that advice too. Still it had to be said.

I later decided it would be best to look in on Auntie Joan and find out exactly what this crazy bastard was paying at. It turns out he and Auntie Joan were lovers a long long time ago. She claimed she sent him away. I naturally assumed he hurt her. I felt ready to hurt him in the form of revenge. Well, I was painfully wrong which proved to me that things aren't always like they seem. Apparently Auntie Joan hurt him. He had an affair with him while she was married to Uncle Phil. I was utterly shocked! My God, Auntie Joan doesn't seem like the type!

Oh but it went deeper than that. She asked me if I ever wondered why my visits to Port Wenn suddenly stopped. I supposed I did at the time. I believe I just assumed that she became too busy with the farm and Uncle Phil. That was far from the case. It turns out my father found out about her affair. He stated that he would not allow his son to be cared for by someone of such weak moral fiber. In a strange way it was a relief to me ever after so many years. That a much better explanation hen thinking she suddenly got too busy for me.

On my way back, I ran into Melanie again. God I was starting to dread the sight of that annoying little child. This time she had a sweet little card for me. She has also dubbed me "FAB" OH GOD! She then made the brilliant observation that both our names begin with the same letter. I quickly realized that the situation with Melanie was growing out of control. I knew I had to get a handle on it before I accidentally got myself into some serious and perverted trouble. I explained that although she is a nice girl there is no way I could be "interested in her." Her response was that it was OK and she wouldn't tell. OH GOD! The situation was rapidly escalating before my very eyes. I was trying to be gentle but the gentle approach wasn't going to keep me out of trouble. I informed her that she must immediately cease these visits. The cheeky thing replied "What if I'm sick!" BUGGER! I informed her that if and only if she needed to see me for a medical problem she must come with an adult.

I few days later, I was informed that Melanie's father was in the waiting room. OH GOD! I pictured getting a very sharp right hook to the jaw and/or nose. Much to my utter delight he completely understood. A rational person in Port Wenn? Could it be?

Just because the incident with Melanie was over doesn't mean that more drama wasn't flying in off the choppy waters of Port Wenn harbor. Auntie Joan came to see me and she was an emotional wreck. Apparently her loathsome friend John was still married. He had been playing her the entire time. I knew he was crushed because she was close to tears. She is as strong as a horse so crying episodes are few and far between. That made me want to pummel that loathsome piece of vermin. You don't not hurt my family and come out unscathed.

I confronted John only to find out he lied and wasn't actually married. Due to his heart condition, he did not have long to live. He sensed Auntie Joan was falling for him. He lied so that she would not feel obligated to nurse him the way she did Uncle Phil.

That miserable bastard accused me of being jealous or threatened by him. OH GOD! Why would I am accomplished Doctor be threatened by a parasite like that? His utterly stupid theory was that I was afraid that Auntie Joan would love me less if she became involved with him. PLEASE! I am perfectly secure in my relationship with her.

I went to Auntie Joan to make sure she alright knew that John was leaving for good. I knew I had to tell him the truth. She broke down and sobbed in my arms. I have to say it was rather disturbing to see her so utterly distraught like that. Since he is strong I know she will be fine in time.

I absolutely hate to admit this but I ALMOST felt a slight twinge of respect for John. He deeply hurt my Aunt but he was trying to spare her pain in the end. In a bizarre way he was protecting her. Oh but that doesn't change the fact that I still think of him as a loathsome parasite.

Well I am once again at the end of another Port Wenn adventure. It's now time for tea before bed. I'm trying desperately not to ponder what my next adventure.


	11. Chapter 11

April 21, 2004

What has happened to me over the last week or so makes all my former so called adventures look like Childs play. I suppose it's been resolved. However the whole matter still has me infuriated to no end.

The madness started with a most infuriating run in with Louisa Glasson. Why are things so unstable between us? Something happens, I try to make it up to her, I do make it up to her, something happens again. It drives me absolutely barmy! The unfortunate part is even when her personality is utterly disagreeable, her physical characteristics don't change. So there I am experiencing a purely physical and I might add masculine twinge, while feeling emotionally irritated at the same time.

The whole stupid incident began when I noticed a women with a very large mole on her breast sunbathing. I leaned in for a closer look and told the women that she could have a melanoma and should not be sunbathing. As usual whenever I give advice in this town people get bloody defensive. Louisa decided my run in with this woman was "unfortunate." Well, I am a Doctor. If I see something wrong with a person I feel a certain obligation. It's called the Hippocratic Oath. It really incensed me when she offered to go and explain to the sunbather. I let her know in no uncertain terms that I do not need to be apologized for. I wish her physical dimensions would change with her personality. Then I could get rid of the twinge and just feel pure irritation all over my body.

When I came close to the surgery I noticed a rather flashy yet very ugly car parked right out front. I was still irritated over Louisa so I did not need further aggravation. I screamed at a women standing by the front passenger side who appeared to be quite a slapper. I looked toward my door and saw Adrian Pitts, one of my former pupils. It's important to note that Adrian was one of my most loathsome pupils. He had the utter cheek to call me "Chief." Did he not realize after all this time that I can spot a suck up a mile and a half away?

I begrudgingly allowed that filthy piece of vermin into my house. As I suggested he wanted a tremendous favor from me. Well color me surprised. One of the senior house officers in moving on and pretty boy Adrian wants his spot. Apparently there is resistance from Chris Parsons, a friend of mine and fellow top vascular surgeon. He was hoping I could "put in a good word" with Chris because we are close mates. Of all the bloody nerve! You don't behave like a loathsome git to Martin Ellingham for three years and then expect a favor. I prepared to tell Adrian that exact thing. I looked directly into his beady little eyes and said with a deadpan face, "I've already spoken to Chris Parsons. He thinks you're an arse. I also think you're an arse! Enjoy your weekend!"

After he left, I took a deep breath and prepared to go about the rest of my day. As the day progressed I began to feel that something was amiss. My first patient came in with hay fever. Out of the blue he asked if he would need a blood test. There was so reason for him to even think he would have needed at blood test. I quickly informed him that he would not require a blood test. He then reminded me that I have no nurse so IF a blood test were required I would have to perform it myself.

My next patient asked about blood as well. I was about to perform the simple procedure of freezing off a mole. He asked if there would be any blood. He then added that he was another one that is not too keen on the red stuff. Another one? When I heard "another one" I felt like I had been punched between the eyes! "OH SHIT" was my first completely unexpressed thought I knew then that somewhere somehow there must have been a leak regarding my haemophobia.

As if that weren't enough I got an emergency call that Bert Large had hurt himself down at the pub. I ran in and his arm appeared to be covered in blood. Now appeared to be is the operative word. I began to feel faint and nauseous as is typical of my haemophobia attacks. I tried my best to cover it but it is damn near impossible once panic sets in. I suddenly out of the corner of my eye caught one or two people snickering and trying desperately to hold back laughter. Upon close inspection I realized it was ketchup. The whole incident was a bloody prank. Pardon the pun!

On my way back to the surgery, I had a revelation. ROGER FENN! Roger bloody chip on the shoulder Fenn. I stupidly confided in him about my blood phobia when he was in the hospital. I got in my car and headed over to confront that loose lipped git. Looking back on it driving was probably not a good idea for a man in my emotional state. Let's just say that Bert Large was extremely lucky he wasn't walking about at that very moment.

I found Roger and lit into him like a windmill in a tornado. He vehemently denied betraying my confidence and was extremely insulted by my accusation. At the time I wasn't sure if I believed him. It turns out it wasn't him but I'll get to that much later.

When I returned to the surgery you could almost see the smoke coming out of my ears. So, I really didn't need to hear that I was needed for a so called emergency at the school. The last thing I needed was crazy mixed emotions and Louisa Glasson. My day kept getting worse and worse. Louisa's personality was not super desirable during our second encounter of the day. As usual her physical being remained desirable! OH BUGGER!

As I expected, it was not a true emergency. One of her students, Peter Cronk, was in a MINOR accident. According to Louisa he was "probably fine" but she felt I should check him out "just in case" She then proceeded to nag me about my bed side manner. At that point I had had it and I snapped like a bloody twig. I threw up my hands and told her to take him to the hospital. Since at that point nine year old boys and nursery teachers knew better than I did, I quickly extricated myself and referred them to hospital.

I got back into my car and turned on the radio. BIG MISTAKE! Everyone and their mother were calling into Port Wenn radio to ask if "the Doc" really had "a thing about blood." Some crazy Wally even suggested an herbal remedy.

After a few minutes I completely lost my marbles and violently pulled over. I decided I needed to call into the show and give my opinion to the bloody gits. I was so angry it took me a few times to even dial the number on my cell.

I introduced myself as Dr. Ellingham NOT Doc Martin. I tore into Caroline and all her puerile listeners. I ended my tirade my saying by saying "If there is an herbal remedy for chronic infantilism, I suggest the entire village embark on a course of treatment immediately. THANK YOU!" I then promptly hung up in a full blown rage.

As I returned, those stupid puerile teenagers were out and about. Why is it they always happen to be walking by the surgery when I am coming and going? They of course made stupid teen like remarks regarding my blood phobia. Normally they blend into the background a hassle of daily living. However, after my appalling bad day I was on high alert about everything.

I had yet another run in with Louisa. I believe that made three in one day. She immediately attacked me about my haemophobia. She had the bloody nerve to accuse me of negligence for not mentioning my phobia at the interview. Well I had the perfect comeback for that utterly infuriating yet extremely desirable women. How dare she accuse me of negligence! I firmly corrected her by telling her that I did in fact write a letter to the chairman of the board describing my situation in full.

I was very pleased to hear her respond by saying "I didn't mean it!" Slowly her personality was beginning to change and more closely monitor her physical appeal. This was a positive step indeed. I knew it would make it much easier to make it up to her later.

Well I think I shall stop there for now. Believe me there is so much more to this story. However I want this to be a simple journal entry and not an encyclopedia entry. I shall have my tea go to bed and continue the rest of my twisted tale tomorrow.


	12. Chapter 12

April 24, 2004

Let's see where did I leave off in the twisted and tangled world of Dr. Martin Ellingham ? Oh yes now I remember.

It began with a very pleaseant and extremely vivid dream. I must admit I was quite miffed when I realized it was only but a dream. From the way this is going I'm sure it's more then obvious the dream was of a very sexual nature and starred Louisa of course. She was in my bed and I could hear her sensually saying my name. She took off her robe revealing a most delicious body. I leaned up and prepared to kiss her absolutely senseless. Much to my absolute shock and horror I was harshly pulled back to reality when I woke up and found myself face to face with that filthy hound. I promptly threw his to the floor in a disappointed rage.

I felt a little groggy upon waking up. I could have sworn I could still hear Louisa's voice close by. It took me a minute to realize that her voice was in the house and was coming from the surgery answering service.

I raced down the stairs but was unable to catch her live. I believe I ran down the steps two at a time even. I listened to her message and it sounded dire indeed. Apparently she got a hysterical call from Peter Kronk's mother and she was afraid something was horribly wrong with the boy.

I arrived and found Louisa attending to Mrs. Kronk who was suffering from a severe panic attack. Apparently she gets them quite often in times of stress. She could barely speak but she was able to tell me that Peter was upstairs and very ill. I quickly gave Louisa instructions on how to handle a severe panic attack and then headed upstairs to tend to Peter.

I was deeply concerned with what I saw. He had a rather high fever and appeared to be perspiring. His speech was slightly labored but for the moment he appeared to be AandOx3. At that point it was a blessing albeit a small one. What concerned me most was he was experiencing pain in his left shoulder. Upon appreciating that I went into a state of high alert. A sore left shoulder is a classic sign of a ruptured or very badly inflamed spleen.

I ran downstairs as fast as my legs could carry me. I instructed Louis to call Mark for assistance. I knew that time was off the essence. So I went ahead and called for an air ambulance to land at the harbor. I needed Mark to help us bring the child down to the harbor. Mark is far from competent and highly annoying. However, he was all we had and we were dealing with the life of an innocent child.

I went back upstairs to explain to Peter what was about to happen to him. When I saw his sick and scared face, I was hit with a tidal wave of intense guilt. Yesterday I was livid over the events with Bert Large. So, I, a grown up, took my anger out on a sick and innocent child. It hit me like a painful stomach ache. "This child could die!" I thought to myself. I realized that then I may never have the chance to tell him how sorry I was for taking my grown up problems out of him. The child could have died thinking he did something to make me cross. I knew I could not let that happen. I leaned in and gently said, "Peter the other day when I was cross…" Just then Mark came and we had to carry the boy outside. I prayed he would live so I would eventually be able to make it up to him.

Now stupid stupid Martin thought that if he made it clear that a child's life hung in the balance things would run as smooth as clock work. When will I ever learn? We got outside and I saw a land ambulance rushing to the scene. I didn't want a land ambulance, I wanted an air ambulance. If I had wanted a land ambulance I would have asked for one for god sakes! Apparently there was mechanical trouble. Oh yes of course there was. We were only talking about the life of a small child for god sakes.

At first the ambulance ride was stable. Peter was still awake. I decided this would be the time to explain my previously beastly behavior to him. So, I explained to him that I was upset about something else and it had nothing to do with him.

What he said next was is response was well I can't really think of the right word. Well perhaps touching is the right word to use. He looked up at me with his sick and innocent eyes and said, "You've got to let them tease you!" He explained that Louisa had told him that if you let "them" tease you then will eventually accept you. I am forced to admit this hit me very hard.

The tender moment did not last long. Peter suddenly began to code rapidly. Based on percussion and visual assessment I was almost certain he was bleeding internally. I knew that if I didn't act fast this child could die right there under my care. Louisa was crying and begging me to do something. I knew deep in the pit of my soul, that in order to help this child I had to put aside all personal fears and phobias. It's the old Hippocratic Oath that says "Do no harm." Well, ignoring a gravely ill child due to a personal phobia would be most certainly doing him great harm. I knew I had to perform and emergency incision and clamp the artery. This would temporarily stop the bleeding until we reached the hospital and he underwent a spleenectomy.

I prepped Peter and asked the paramedic for spencer Wills forceps to clamp the artery. Since there is a phobia I decided to make the disclaimer, "I may vomit!" I did not vomit but it was touch and go for a while.

It turns out the splenetic artery was pooling blood into his tiny abdomen. Much to my horror, the forceps were broken. I had no choice but to stick my hand into his cavity and clamp the artery by hand.

Finally we arrived at the hospital and raced Peter towards the operating theatre. I heard a very blended sound of, "We'll take it from here!" Before I could even blink Peter was roughly yanked from my grasp. It almost felt like he was being pulled away from me into a different world and I was stuck behind in the current world.

I was literally physically and emotionally crippled. I felt as crippled if not more crippled then I did during my last haemophobic days in surgery. I no longer had any control over that boy's life. I couldn't do a thing to help him or prevent his death. His life was in the hands of strangers.

Several hours later as I was feeling drained, powerless and generally pissed off who comes into view but Adrian. I was in such a state I actually thought maybe if was a final act of God punishing me for my miserable behavior. I had to blink to ensure all this was really happening to me.

That miserable piece of necrotic flesh began to tell us Peter's status. Meanwhile his mother was standing inches away scared to death. Any well trained Doctor knows that you speak to the family especially the mother first. My God even I would not have been that cold! I cut him off instantly and told him to speak to the boy's mother first, the miserable piece of streptococcus bacteria!

I almost felt my heart stop when in the distance I could see Mrs. Kronk bursting into tears. She then proceeded to almost fall into purulent Adrian. Louisa and I both feared the worst. For the first time in my life I had no idea what I was supposed to do. As odd as it may seem I have never had to face the death of a child. In surgery all of my cases were adults or only minor pediatric surgery. So I was never trained in how to handle pediatric death. My God I had no idea what in God's name I was supposed to say to Mrs. Kronk! There I was a Doctor whom I thought had seen everything and anything not knowing what he was supposed to do.

It turns out Peter did survive the surgery. Adrian finally did come back to see us. He was so bloody smug and I was so tired and angry that I had fantasies of sending him on a one way errand to the morgue.

Oh but it got much worse believe it or not. He smugly informed me that he did in fact find a place to eat in Port Wenn that day. He had the utter cheek to blurt out, "I had a little chat with the locals and shared some gossip. I hope I didn't drop you in It.!" I was hit with a powerful bolt of lightning. IT WAS HIM! OH SHIT! IT WAS HIM! What a miserable strand of carnivorous bacteria! In my mind I ran through all the painful diseases that caused a slow painful agonizing death. I then proceeded to wish every one of them on Adrian.

Well my day was about to get even worse on the cab ride home. Yes Peter was out of the woods which was good. However my life and mine alone was about to get even more bloody complicated.

Due to the unstable nature of my relationship with Louisa, I committed a major faux pas. We had a moment that started out absolutely glorious but rapidly went downhill. First I'll describe the glorious part. Somehow we both reached out to each other in comfort in the aftermath of Peter. Before I even knew what happened, we were entangled in a beautiful and most passionate kiss.

Ok, here is where it took a devastatingly bad turn. After the initial high of the kiss wore off, I sensed something was amiss in Louisa's throat and palate. The scent of her breath did not seem right to me

In one moment that I live over and over in my head, I informed her of my discovery. I was not trying to be unkind for God sakes. I'm a Doctor. I cannot help myself. If I detect something is wrong with a person I must point it out out no matter what the situation.

Well I'm sure it's painfully obvious that Louisa did not take kindly to my stating that there may be a problem with her breath. Instead of listening to my diagnosis and suggestions for a treatment plan she became angry. She became so angry she threw me out of the cab. BLOODY HELL. I had to climb over foliage by the side of the road to attempt to wend my way back to town.

If that weren't enough somehow that filthy hound managed to find me and show up by my side. I tried to kick that filthy ball of fur out of the way but he really is relentless. All I could think about with that filthy beast by my side was how I was ever going to make this one up to her.

Well I think it's time to put this whole wretched matter behind me. I shall enjoy my herbal tea before sleep as I await my next crazy out of control "adventure" Goodbloodynight!


	13. Chapter 13

April 27, 2004

Here I am taking a deep breath at the end of another tangled and utterly crazy adventure. Honestly, things are so tangled up right now I don't know if my life will ever be the same again. As I prepare to reflect on recent events, I fondly remember, my very stable and orderly life back in London. It makes me let out a deep sign of nostalgia.

The whole thing started with that bloody stupid dog. As much as I hate dogs, I cannot bring myself to harm him myself. However I will fully admit I would not be heartbroken if he met an unfortunate fate under the hands of someone else. Believe me no tears would be shed for his dark fate.

On my walkabout the other day, the filthy hound somehow was able to grab my stethoscope from my pocked with his dirty teeth. Oh the mangy thing! He then gave ne a look almost like a human child indicating he was ready to play. OH GOD! I certainly had no intention of indulging the nasty creature. I tried to yank it from his bacteria ridden moth, but that only seemed to stimulate his appetite. I think that bloody hound actually thought we were in fact playing. That smelly bugger does in fact have a strong jaw. Finally I was able to yank it from his grasp. I then proceeded to kick him out of my bloody way.

Soon after I received a call from Auntie Joan begging me to come and see her friend Myrial Steele who was recovering from a sprained ankle. To me a sprained ankle is not sufficient reason for a home visit. However I have learned that Auntie Joan will nag relentlessly. Usually the task is not as bad as the nagging she forces you to endure.

Well, Myrial turned out to be quite the battle ax let me tell you. You would think one would have been eternally grateful that the GP went out of his way for a home visit. However the stupid battle ax proceeded to insult me. She actually had the utter cheek to say "Well I heard you came here because you couldn't keep up with the big boys in London." I promptly diagnosed her with a MILD sprain and prepared to extricate myself.

Auntie Joan boldly came charging after me asking me for more favors. She said she was wondering if Myrial seemed muddled in some way. I really wished she had mentioned that in the beginning. I told her that if she wanted me to assess her cognitive skills she could have her come to the surgery. She grumbled that she was right there. OH BUGGER! I relented and went back in to assess Myrial.

I found her to be quite sharp. She was as sharp as a tack one might say. I asked her the time. She cheekily replied, "Well I can't now that you have covered the clock!" Even I had to give her credit for her cheek! Once we left the room Auntie Joan told me Myrial's son up in London felt that she was slipping however she did not concur. I agreed with Auntie Joan that Myrial was not the least bit muddled. I found her to be alert and feisty as ever.

My day was about to get worse. On my way back I remembered I had to stop by Mrs. Tishels. As I approached, I noticed Louisa in the shop. OH BUGGER! Oh how I wished I had gone straight home and not stopped. I had not seen her since that regrettable intimate encounter. I knew I would have to face her sooner or later. I took a deep breath and prepared to face the music.

I must admit I did feel some guilt when I noticed she had bought out the mouthwash and oral care department. I awkwardly said "Hello" She lit into me like a windmill in a tornado. I tried to explain that I am a Doctor. Her ever so rational response was to cut me off and say, "Well if that is your idea of an apology, it was rubbish!" She then proceeded to storm out. BOOODY HELL! Oh well it is her loss!

I had more important things to worry about then her erratic female moods. I walked into my surgery to see a complete stranger sitting at Elaine's desk. Looking back at me was a rather daft looking woman with bright red hair and bizarre looking clothes. Before I even had a chance to grasp what was going on she casually introduced herself as Pauline. She said it like it was perfectly normal for her to be sitting behind the desk. She explained to me that barmy Elaine ran off with her boyfriend Greg to Pompeii. She took it upon herself to ask her cousin Pauline to cover for her. Just what I needed a relative of Elaine's. I'm pretty sure the daftness is genetic. I tried to argue but grew to weary. I have learned very early on to pick my battles in this village. She would do for now.

My next patient was a man named Eddie Rix. He came in complaining of a broken rib or two. When I asked him how it happened he claimed he didn't know. PLEASE! Ribs do not just spontaneously break on their own. Who the hell did he think he was talking to the crazy Wally! After a brief period of moronic silence he decided he had been mugged. The whole thing seemed fishy to me but I could not accuse him of lying without being positive of all the facts. I booked Mr. Rix for an x ray in Truro and sent him on his merry way.

I thought maybe I was going to get a moments peace between patients. THINK AGAIN! Before I could blink, a strange man barged into my consulting room. It turns out was Mryial's son Danny. Apparently he had gotten her into a local retirement community. He had the unmitigated cheek to accuse me of throwing a monkey wrench into his plan. According to him my assessment caused his mother to refuse admittance. That smug bastard actually tried to bait me into admitting I made a mistake. Oh he picked the wrong man to pull that garbage on! I firmly told him to Bugger off! I do not under any circumstances tolerate dissent and disrespect in my surgery.

Unfortunately that incident was not the last I would hear from Danny. I was doing my rounds when I noticed there appeared to be a fuss at the beach. I rushed over to investigate. It turns out Myrial had wandered into the sea. When I got there the women was babbling incoherently.

We brought her up to the pub to warm up. Her smug arrogant son immediately tried to contact the retirement community to reconsider. As much as I hated to admit it after the scary incident, I had to concur. Auntie Joan was horrified and tried to protest. I understand she loves her friend but there really was no alternative. I have to say Danny was so smug about my forced concurrence that I had a painfully strong urge to smack him upside his pretty boy head.

Later I had to go to Truro hospital for a Doctors meeting. When I was there, I found out something rather curious. As I was leaving, I saw Eddie Rix out of the corner of my eye. I went to the nurse and told her he was my patient was in a way was the truth. She mentioned that he was being treated accordingly for burns. Interesting! Very interesting! There was something extremely fishy going on and I had every intention of getting to the bottom of this whole bloody mess.

When I got back to the surgery, I went and looked up Eddie Rix past medical history. It turns out Eddie has been in and out of the hospital for a wide range of bizarre traumatic injuries. I had no choice but to confront him the filthy liar.

Meanwhile the plot thickened with Myrial. I went to see her and her condition was utterly appalling! Her ankle was getting worse much worse. I spoke to a nurse's aide that was so stupid she barely deserved to live. The daft cow was barely supervising her medications. She thought it was acceptable to simply bring her water and leave. I looked in a nearby flower pot and found that she had been hiding her medication there.

Then she became hysterical and began to cry out that she didn't want to drink fluids because she might wet the bed. According to her, when you begin to wet the bed, they "send you away." It dawned on me that dehydration was the cause of her fluctuation in her mental status. Auntie Joan gave her tea in the morning which made her appear lucid. She avoided fluids later in the day which made her appear muddled to her son on the phone. So in essence she DID NOT need to be in the retirement home. I was right HAH! I suddenly felt ever so vindicated!

After that crazy mess, I headed back to the surgery to meet with Mr. and Mrs. Rix. I firmly informed them that I knew about his past medical history. I explained that Eddie needed to go to the hospital to under go a battery of tests. We needed to get to the root of the issues with him being accident prone. Well he refused and thanked me for my help. Well color me surprised. One of these days I'm going to have a patient that actually listens to me. Then I won't even know how to handle it.

Later when I was in town on a walk about I ran into Mark. I was not in the mood. In reality I'm never really in the mood to deal with Mark. There is never really a good time to bump into Mark.

He started prattling on and on about meaningless gossip and goings on. I began to tune him out as I usually do. However, something he said jogged my wandering mind into the present. I heard him say Louisa and Danny in the same sentence. When I heard that I could feel a cold sweat coming on. Surely he was not implying that those two were…" OH GOD! It turns out they were an item in the distant past. PLEASE! Be still my ever beating heart!

The latest news and gossip had me in a rather disagreeable state. Of course I ran into Danny and Louisa. Oh I wanted to rip that bastard apart. He had the cheek to introduce me to Louis as "Lou" Oh that made me my blood boil. I was proud of myself that I was able to suppress the urge to pummel him. Later I overheard Al and Pauline saying that Louisa had gone back to her "old boyfriend"

I was able to mostly able to put the incident with Danny and "Lou" out of my mind in the afternoon. During that time, I got an emergency call from Mrs. Rix. She begged me to come for a home visit. She firmly stated she could not describe it over the phone.

I received the shock of my life when I arrived. I'm trying to think how I should even put it into words. I will say we finally got to the bottom of Eddies bizarre injuries. They have been involved in some rather kinky and unusual sexual practices. I believe in the underworld it is refereed to as S and M. The wife asked me to use discretion. Believe me I had no intention of repeating what I had seen to anyone. I actually had to repair Eddies dislocated shoulder. I think that gives quite a clear picture of how extreme their S and M actually was. Oh how I wish I could rid myself of the revolting image.

On the way home from my bizarre and perverted home visit I literally crashed into Louisa. Even though I knew about her past flame, I still got the warm twinge of delight. I have to admit it in autonomic unfortunately. I noticed she had bought a fancy bottle of wine and bread. She sheepishly informed me that she had an "old friend" coming to dinner. I could only imagine the identity of "the friend."

I was about to politely extricate myself when who pops up but Danny. I had to keep my hands behind my back to prevent myself from strangling him. He gushed on and on and on about how grateful he was to me for my help with him Mum! He even had the nerve to drag God into it the smug bastard.

Well I am at the end of another crazy adventure. I suppose I just have to wait and see how "Lou" deals with the reappearance of her old flame. Unfortunately it is now out of my hands.


	14. Chapter 14

April 30, 2004

Well we've just been through another bloody epidemic. I simply don't understand. I've never been in a place where there is a full blown epidemic once a month. The villagers ignore me and then blame ME for the spread of the disease.

The current outbreak started with the school children. Schools are breeding grounds for bacteria and disease. So a school and careless villagers is really a lethal combination.

My first patient Bobby Richards was brought in by his mother. He presented with a bumpy rash on his hand. I immediately diagnosed the child with impetigo, a minor but highly contagious skin infection. I insisted that she keep Bobby home for a few days until the infection clears up. Of course she fought me on it. Well color me surprised. Her child had a contagious infection and she insisted he could not keep him at home. Well, yes to hell with all the innocent people her child could infect. What utter selfishness! I firmly told her that I didn't care how he managed it but she was to keep her son home from school period.

A while later I got an emergency phone call that Mrs. Cronk had had severely burned her hand in hot grease. I rushed to the scene to find she had a very badly burnt arm indeed. I called for an ambulance immediately. Mrs. Cronk cried out in protest that she couldn't afford to go. Of course one of my patients is going to refuse emergency treatment. One of these days a patient is going to comply and I'm not even going to know what to do! I informed her that she had no choice in the matter as she was severely burned. Bert offered to help her run the shop while she was gone. Oh yes Bert in charge is an ever so comforting thought. Well, she finally realized she had no choice.

I oversaw her admission her admission to the hospital and prepared to head home. Peter approached me in the corridor and blurted out that he needed an adult. It hit me hard what he was getting at. OH GOD NO! Then he brilliantly pointed out that I am in fact an adult. I shuddered! I absolutely shuddered! However, I did have a problem on my hands. I suddenly had a very brilliant solution. LOUISA! Oh yes, our favorite teacher could keep him. She was used to dealing with precocious children.

Well, she was less than thrilled. Ask me if I cared? She tried to refuse but I wouldn't allow it. I needed to get rid of that pesky child one way or another. I quickly deposited the child an extricated myself. I felt enormous relief having Peter out of my hair.

Later in the evening I was relaxing and preparing for bed when I heard a knock at the door. Bloody hell! People always seem to pop up when I don't want them. I received a shock of my life when I saw Peter standing before me. Fanbloodytastic! He claimed Louisa "threw him out." Who knows what the truth is when dealing with a nine year old boy. I was not going to permit this child to worm his way into my house.

I immediately dialed Louisa. She seemed awfully calm when she answered the phone. She didn't seem the least bit worried that a child under her care had gone missing. It turns out she hasn't even noticed he had snuck out. I knew that little rodent wasn't telling me the truth. According to Louisa she kicked him out of the room NOT the house. I informed her I was bringing him back when I noticed he was asleep. Louisa insisted it was better that we didn't disturb. Cheeky! Cheeky indeed!

I got up the next morning and promptly prepared to deliver Peter to school. I absolutely did not trust him to go by himself. I know for a fact that boy would play hooky in a minute!

When we arrived at school I noticed that Bobby Richards was there. I felt pure and utter outrage. I specifically asked his mother to keep him home! Why? To be mean and difficult? No, to presvent the spread of infection.

I found Louisa and gave her a severe tongue lashing. Of course she yelled got defensive and would not admit she was wrong. Oh how typical of that women! She finally said she "would deal with it" and stormed off. She may be the most adorable thing on two legs but her personality leave a lot to be desired at times!

Later that evening Mark was waiting for me. Seeing Mark always represents drama and annoyance. Apparently he caught Peter trying to catch a bus to Truro to see his mother. He told Mark I was taking care of him. Mark informed me that he was obligated to do a criminal background check on me. OH PLEASE! Apparently anyone who looks after a child in loco parentis needs a background check. He even had the cheek to ask me if I've ever been convicted of a sex crime! ABSOLUTELY NOT! I told you Mark is synonymous with severe aggravation and stress!

Well the madness that has now become the story of my life continued. I saw several more impetigo cases. I don't know why I was even surprised! After all infection and disease always spread like wildfire in this village!

That night after dinner I allowed Peter to watch a video he had picked up earlier. To be honest I just wanted him out of my hair for a little while. I suggested he read a book and he twisted his face up at me for even suggesting such a thing. Since children don't seem to read these days, I relented on the video.

Louisa stopped by a little later to check on Peter and ask about his mother. As usual we ended up urging. That is the nature of our most unstable relationship. She chewed me up about the video Peter was watching. Well, the boy told me it was educational. Then she proceeded to lecture me on handling children. Oh, the infuriating women! That is exactly why I didn't want this bloody job in the first place. Then we started in on her upcoming interview for head teacher. Her interview was approaching on Friday. I am on the board of Governors. Not by choice believe me! I told her she would only get my vote if she earned it. She was not to expect a free vote from me! We argued and argued with no resolution in sight. She blurted out, "Why do you always have to be like this?" ME? Why is always my fault?

In the middle of the night Peter woke me up because he had developed a rash. I looked at it and sure enough it appeared to be impetigo. It wouldn't have happened if all the children had been kept home like I advised in the beginning. Thank to Ms. Glasson the infection had rapidly spread. Well, I was beginning to have serious doubts if I could recommend her for the head teacher job.

Later that afternoon I got the lab results back on the children. Much to my shock it turns out it was NOT impetigo. It was a zoonosis which it was passed on from animal to human. THAT DOG! THAT FILTHY STINKING DOG! The children are always touching him. AH HA! Perhaps now I could get rid of that filthy ball of fur.

Unfortunately Mark came back to me and told me the vet said that animal cannot be destroyed! DAMN! He is not considered dangerous and he can be treated! I have to say I was highly disappointed!

Well, Friday came and I attended the interview. I actually had decided I was going to vote for her. Since the infection was not impetigo like I originally thought, I decided not to hold it against her. I must say she was doing extremely proud of her. There I was sitting on a professional panel feeling that warm and overpowering twinge of delight. Things were going very well indeed until one of the other panel members brought up the impetigo incident. BLOODY HELL! They grilled her about not following my advice. I never intended for it to come out and now there was nothing I could do about it! I have to say he really did handle herself very well under pressure.

As you can imagine she was beyond peeved at me! I tried to talk to her afterwards. All she could get out in a fit of rage was, "No matter what happens, I will never forgive you Martin Ellingham!" I knew better then to take it personally. She spends half her life mad at me. I knew as always she would come around.

As far as the infection was concerned all I had to do was inject all of the children with penicillin. There little behinds will ache for a day or two but that should clear everything up.

When I got back to the surgery, I saw that filthy dog. It suddenly occurred to me that he would need an injection too. I suddenly felt an extreme wave of pleasure. I would be able to stick that filthy dog with a very sharp needle. He would end up having a very sore behind indeed. I could get rid of him but I could settle on causing him a severe ache in his smelly doggy behind! So that is what I did. I straddled him and gave him the shot. He yelped and tried to wriggle away. However I had a strong hold on him. I then yelled at him to GO AWAY! I then went inside happy to be done with this whole bloody mess!


	15. Chapter 15

May1, 2004

Well my day at surgery got off to a rather disgusting start. I came into the waiting room and Pauline wasn't at her desk. Well color me surprised. When is that women ever where she is should be doing what she should be doing? If I ever find her actually doingthe right thing I won't even know how to handle it.

I went into the kitchen to enjoy a nice hot cup of coffee before surgery started. I was shocked and horrified to find Al and Pauline were on my kitchen table. Keep in mind I said on not at my kitchen table. You can probably guess where this is going.  
>The two filthy brazen creatures were actually trying to have relations on my table. I absolutely hit the bloody roof. I had to blink to make sure that was actually happening in front of my very eyes. Luckily things hadn't shall we say progressed to far. So I didn't see any uncovered body parts. Well thank God for small miracles. Who in their right mind has sex in the kitchen? Isn't that what bedrooms and cheap hotels are for? I of course put a stop that instantly. I did manage to stop short of violent anger. I obviously thoroughly scoured my table once I forcefully removed them from my kitchen.<p>

As if my day wasn't colorful enough my next patient Mr. Flint brightened it up even more. This young man stated he had been experiencing diarrhea for days. That I just don't bloody understand. How can someone endure a serious medical problem "for days" and not think to see a doctor? Have these people never heard of preventative medicine for god sakes? Nopreventative medicine is like Greek to the people of Port Wenn. On top of that he refused an examination. I am an excellent doctor but I'm not bloody psychic. I need to actually examine my patients to find out what is wrong. He wanted me to simply write him a prescription. How many times must I refuse before thesepeople get the message that I do not under any circumstances hand out prescriptions without examining patients first? Oh but not only did he request one for himself, he requested the same for his brother. Apparently his brother has the same symptoms but can't come in. Why? Well because he "doesn't like" Doctors. Well I'm a doctor that doesn't like patients that waste my bloody time by refusing to come to the surgery or allowing me to to examine them. Finally I was able to get him to consent to an exam. I then prescribed the proper treatment for chronic diarrhea and sent him on his way.

I knew deep in my gut that I had to set up a home visit for the sick brother. I hate home visits under the best of circumstances. I especially hate them when I know full well that the patient could most likely make it to the surgery but refuses to do so. I knew that my only chance of seeing the brother was to actually driveout to the home. If the brother did have the same symptoms hecould be in serious trouble without treatment. It's the old Hippocratic oath again. Refusing a home visit on a potentially critical patient because I personally hate them would in fact be doing harm. OH BUGGER!

I needed to stop by Mrs. Tishels. Oh yes how I looked forward to the insane chit chat and offers of stale bread and cakes. I have refused tea and cakes every time without fail since I have been there. You know some people might take that as a hint.

I had the misfortune of meeting Mark's sister Sandra when I was there. It turns out she is a herbalist who was set up a "practice" in town. That barmy women actually had the utter cheek to say she and I are in the same field. I shudder! I absolutely shudder. Be still my ever beating heart. I very quickly disabused her of the notion that we are even close to equals. I as a doctor treat patients while she feeds them useless plants. She even had the cheek to tell me that she promised me she would not steal all my patients. Somehow I do not feel threatened my a barmy plant pusher.

Later in the day I had a patient come back to me with exacerbation of a skin rash. The patient claimed to be following my treatment plan. I must always ask. This is Port Wenn afterall. The patient disclosed to me that he was also taking herbs from that bloody stupid herbalist. I knew it. I knew that loopy women would somehow manage to brainwash all the impressionable and gullible people in Port Wenn.

I wasted no time confronting that bloody plant pusher. I went to the police station and asked Mark the whereabouts of his sister.  
>He got a worried look on his face and actually begged me not tocross her. OH PLEASE! Excuse me? I refuse to be intimidated by a women that feeds people useless herbs for a living. No one I mean no one gets away with undermining the care of my patients.<p>

As I approached the door I recieved quite a jolting shock. I noticed Louisa was visiting that plant feeder. Well I certainly would have expected better from her. I mean she is University educated for God sakes. How can someone so intelligent act so bloody stupid.

Well I wish that were the worst of it. All of a sudden she had the cheek to disclose to Sandra that I have a diagnosis of Heamophobia. I felt hot in my cheeks and I know my diastolic pressure probably went over 100. How dare she take my personal issue and share it with that imbecilic plant pusher.

Of course I had to make my presence known to humiliate that fickle women. You know that infraction was so bad it almost knocked out her immense physical appeal. Unfortunately I said it almost took away her physical appeal. That cheeky plant pusher actually had the nerve to say tome, "Oh Dr. Ellingham, your ears must be burning!" I did consider smacking her senseless but unfortunately I am a civilized human being. Louisa looked completely guilty and humiliated. I hate to admit this seeing her leave in disgrace did bring up that familiar and uncontrollable twinge. I was still furious with her but it did help that she seemed to feel just awful about it. She barreled out of the room without looking at me.

I blasted her for interfering with patients and of course sheargued with me. As I expected she accused me of being close minded to her utterly useless herbs! Oh please! I am not closed minded. I just get highly upset when useless herbs negatively impact my patients. Oh yes Dr. Ellingham is so unreasonable.

I went on my home visit to the the Flint home. I was almost eaten by their bloody dog. I so hate all those filthy creatures. He was on a chain but barking like mad and showing his filthy but sharp teeth. I said a quick prayer that the chain was good and sturdy. Truthfully if it weren't and the chain broke Martin Ellingham would have been history and rather quickly I might add.

When I saw the condition of the household and I was not at all surprised that both boys were sick. The house was filled with rancid mea from stuffed animals and was close to uninhabitable. How can people live like that and then wonder why they become sick. It bends my mind. It truly does.

The brother was angry I had come at at first but I was able to talk him down. I explained that his brother did the right thing and I was there to help. Things began to run as smooth as possible under the circumstances. That is until the father walked into the room.

He became enraged and I tried to calmly explain again that I was there to help. Of course rational thought did not apply to these people. Well color me surprised.

Believe it or not it got even more bizarre. Mr. Flint told the boys to keep it down because their mother was sleeping. Their mother? I was told it was just the three of them. Now things had turned rather queer indeed.

Given the condition of the household I feared the mother could be ill as well. I suggested that I take a look at her while I was there. Mr. Flint followed by his brainwashed docile children proceeded to rudely throw me out of the house. Before I left I demanded they restrain that sodding dog. I left peacefully but the whole incident left me feeling rather unsettled. I knew I would have to do some digging to find out what was going on with that barmy family.

As if the home visit wasn't enough to ruin my day, I had to run into Louisa and pretty boy Danny. Well fanbloodytastic! I was looking for Mark and found out he was in the pub. I entered the pub to find the adorable yet backstabbing Louisa and her littlepretty boy friend Danny.

Well I didn't want to have any words with her. I have to admit that didn't mean I didn't want to look at her. No matter what that never changes. So bloody infuriating. She approached me and apologized. I smugly told her that I really wasn't interested in anything she had to say. She had the cheek to lecture me on being closed minded when it comes to that barmy plant pusher. I was greeted by Danny and by that time I knew it was time to extricate myself and find Mark. Yes Mark who is almost as barmy as his sister. As I expected he had no real information for me. He just said the Flint family has always kept to themselves. Well it was so silly of me to actually think I could get concise and proper from anyone in this bloody town.

I recieved the test results back from the Flints. They were suffering from severe viral infections in the stomach. It was no doubt due to eating rotten food and living in such conditions. I was not able to find any backround on the mother. I was very worried because like I said she could be seriously I'll indeed and I couldn't treat her If I couldn't even observe her. It was maddening to me. I asked Pauline to set up another home visit. She refused due to the fact that the Flint's don't have a phone. Well color me surprised. I knew I would have to make another visit to the home unannounced. Maybe then I would be able to get a peek at the mother.

I had to go and see that barmy pant pusher again because she was continuing to interfere with my patient care. She refused to listen to me and as usual argued with me. I was growing ever so weary of her and her failure to listen to reason.  
>She was starting to zap the little strength I had left.<p>

We received quite a shock from Mark. That little man does not have an assertive bone in his entire body. However something inside of him snapped. It was a sight to behold believe me. The man tore into his miserable sister like a windmill in a tornado. I was proud of him for once. He actually had the intestinal fortitude to tell her to pack her bags and leave town. I have to say once she agreed I felt a huge like a weight had been lifted from my chest. I had grown so weary of the daily arguments with her. It felt rather like I was banging my head against a brick wall daily.

As I was walking back to surgery, I noticed Mr. Flint out of the corner of my eye. He approached me calmly. I started to tell him that I was concerned about his wife. He proceeded to physically attack me the crazy buzzard. The man had his hand on my throat for God sakes. I couldn't have cried out even if I tried. I have to say his reaction after the attack was even scarier. He removed his hands form my throat and then proceeded to talk as if nothing had happened. He calmly thanked me for my concern about his family and walked away. The whole situation was rather creepy indeed.

The situation got even more bizarre. Well isn't that the usual pattern around here. I was still asleep in the morning when the surgery phone rang. I didn't realize it until I heard voices coming for the machine. It was the Flint household. I heard a hysterical voice. Then I could her a violent outburst before the connection went dead. I got dressed and went to inform Mark that we both needed to go to the Flint's home. If there was violence I needed the police with me. Unfortunately Mark was all I had.

As I expected the house was in the same appallingly bad shape as I had witnessed before. The house looked like it had been ransacked and there was not a person in sight. Finally the boys came running out of the next room. They did not appear hurt but were visibly shaken. I could see a figure in the next room that appeared to be a figure of a women in a rocking chair. I had had enough of the resistance and denial. So I assertively pushed forward to examine the mother.

Much to my utter shock and horror it was not the mother at all. It was Mr. Flint wearing a wig sitting in the rocker. The worst part was he actually thought he was his wife. Oh yes I'm quite serious. I spoke to the boys privately and it appears their mother walked out on them several years ago. Apparently this was to much for Mr. Flint to handle and he was suffering a psychotic break. For quite some time he has believed he is his wife. Although psychiatry is not my specialty but a good Doctor is wel lrounded in all specialties. I do know that in times of trauma the mind can create many defenses to avoid the pain. It is truly fascinating. I suspected Mr. Flint was trying to protect his boys by literally be becoming their mother. Utterly fascinating! So we called am ambulance and requested transport to a psych ward. I assured the boys their father would be getting the help he needed.

They carted Mr. Flint off and Mark and I were ready to leave. Again they needthey'll restrain that rancid dog. I shouted out in frustration. " I wish somebody had though of stuffing that bloody dog!"

A few days later the Flint boys came to see me and to thank me for helping their father. They brought with then a rather colorfu lsurprise. I said in anger that I wanted that dog stuffed. Well they actually handed me the stuffed dog. No I am not kidding. I tentatively asked "You didn't have him killed did you?" I've made it apparent how I feel about dogs. However I wasn't implying that I wanted the stuffed dog a gift. It turns out they didn't kill him to give to me. The stupid animal managed to get himself loose and a car hit him. The one of boys blurted out "If you look you can hardly see the tire marks!" That was rather creepy indeed.

Well now it is time for my nice relaxing cup of tea before bed. There is never a dull moment considering this is supposed to bea sleepy village. What a laugh. I'm so glad everything seems resolved and that barmy plant pusher is out of my life for good.


	16. Chapter 16

May 4, 2004

Well my day got off to a rather unpleasant start. I had the radio on in the kitchen and Louisa's pretty boy Danny was on radio Port Wenn. That is just what I bloody needed. I do not need to start my day hearing that loathsome voice. I immediately turned if off. After all I wanted to enjoy my coffee with any waves of nausea. When I went out into the waiting room I noticed Pauline had on radio Port Wenn and pretty boy was still blathering on and on. I did notice something rather curious. I noticed that Caroline's voice was rather slurred. It was rather pronounced. Well at least to me anyway. I made a mental note to myself to perhaps do some investigating. However at that moment I had other more important thing to deal with.

My first patient of the day was a newcomer named Julie Mitchell. Apparently she came to register with my practice. I started asking the usual questions and she became defensive. I really don't know why I was surprised. This is Port Wenn after all. I forgot that rational behavior is rather hard to come by. Then she had the utter cheek to say to me "You know when I applied for a library card it took ten minutes". I could not believe my ears. My response was "Yes well if you come down with a dreadful disease I'm sure a good book is just what you will need." Finally we were finished and I was able to get rid of that utterly stupid women.

Unfortunately my day was about to get worse. My next patient was an elderly man named Mr. Cook. I have to say without reservation that he was the foulest smelling person I have ever had the misfortune of dealing with. It was so bad I literally had a hard time even breathing. I kid you not I actually had to stick my head out the bloody window. It's the old Hippocratic Oath again. If a refused to treat a patient a patient because he emitted a foul odor that would on fact be doing the patient harm. Oh bugger!

I tried to swab his mouth and performed a whole battery of other medical interventions but I could not get to the root of the overpowering and foul odor. I asked him about his bathing routine and he became defensive. Oh yes of course he did. Well I'm sorry but an overpowering odor begs the question. I was not trying to be unkind contrary to popular belief. However as a Doctor I need to know these things. He informed me he has been "on his own." I naturally assumed he was talking about his wife. However he was talking about his beloved Green Finch. I suppose in this barmy village that statement should not surprise me. I suppose maybe depression about loosing his filthy bird could have led to a breakdown of hygiene. However that was probably a great stretch. I wanted to explore every other avenue before I went the depression route. Finally I was able to send him on his way thankfully. I of course had to promptly air out my entire surgery and waiting room.

Well the drama surrounding Caroline ended up finding me before I had a chance to investigate even further. As soon as my office was rid of the awful stench, that barmy woman comes barreling in like a tornado. She began ranting and raving about how she was in a rush. Apparently Mrs. Tishell refused to give her another refill on her Succinimide. Mrs. Tishell insisted she see me before dispensing more of the drug. She had to nerve to become irate with me and insist that I fix "the bloody prescription."

I explained to her that I was not in the habit of fixing prescriptions bloody or otherwise. I informed her that she needed to park her car so I could give her a through exam before providing another prescription. As I expected she became irate with me and repeated over and over again that she did not have time for this. I informed her that if she was not willing to stay right now she needed to make an appointment. She reluctantly agreed but stormed out.

Of course they ridiculous drama did not end there. Her husband Tom barged into the waiting room and the two of them started a rather loud and heated argument right then and there. Well I was not having that kind of infantile behavior in my surgery. I promptly threw them out. They actually continued to argue rather loudly right in the street outside the surgery. Tom left and I could see Caroline getting into her car. I remember that she was slurring this morning. It dawned on me that in her condition she should not be driving. I ran out and called after her but to no avail. I could clearly see that she was driving rather erratically.

I decided I needed to take this issue to Mark. As I expected he was no help. Still I had an obligation to report what I saw. Mark stated he took all reports of drunk driving seriously. However to me he appeared very passive. Well color me surprised. I think he may have been trying to get rid of me because of there was a pretty girl waiting to see him. Yes I'm so glad our police officer has his priorities straight.

Later that afternoon I was forced to once again deal with the unbearable odor of Mr. Cook. It was really quite disgusting. Even sticking my head out the window provided no relief. I informed him that I was still awaiting his test results. However I could not see any immediate medical reason for his abhorrent odor. I told him the best intervention would be to go back to basics. I told him the local Social Services might be able to help him by perhaps giving him a bath and helping clean him up. You can imagine he was less then thrilled about it. However I didn't see how he had a choice in the matter. I mean it is completely unacceptable to walk around with a foul odor. I mean especially for all the people that have to come into contact with you. He finally gave in and the Social Workers came in and took the malodorous man off my hands.

A while later I revived a visit from Louisa. As usual our interaction was both pleasurable and infuriating. Well of course it was. I've come to accept the fact that is simply the nature of our complicated relationship. She came to me for advice. A conversation of that nature between us is never good. When she asks me for advice that is not really what she wants. In reality she simply wants me to agree with her and tell her what she wants to hear. I almost never do and that always leads to a volatile argument.

This conversation was no different. She wanted my help dealing with "a friend" that she suspects has a drinking problem. I knew immediately that she was talking about Caroline. I told her that if we were talking about the same person then I suspected her friend didn't want any help. Of course that started a nasty argument. Somehow she felt that gave her the right to tell me I don't listen to my patients. I was not taking that from her no matter how good she looked or how she made me feel physically. In simple terms, I pretty much told her to bugger off. Why does she even bother coming to me if she never likes what I say in response. Oh that woman infuriates me to the core.

I went to see Mrs. Tishell. She was as barmy and hyperactive as ever. She mentioned that Caroline came in asking for a repeat prescription and was rather irate when she refused. She apologized and said that she had a gut feeling that she should not continue dispensing the medication. I have never met anyone that apologizes as much as Mrs. Tishell. Her constant apologies get rather tiresome indeed. I assured her that she

absolutely did the right thing. I told her if Caroline gave her grief she should inform her that she is acting on my strict instructions.

A while later that infuriating woman stormed into my surgery uninvited and demanded I give her the medication. As you can imagine her behavior did not go over very well with me. To make matters worse I could clearly smell the alcohol on her breath. I was less then thrilled to have an intoxicated and barmy women yelling at me on my own surgery. I pointed out to her that her speech was slurred earlier and I could smell it on her. Of course she spoke out in denial and claimed she didn't have a problem. She only stormed into my surgery screaming and smelling of alcohol. Oh no that is not a problem. I felt compelled to ask her questions about her drinking. As you can see imagine she fought and resisted me giving me every line and excuse in the book to avoid facing the cold hard truth. She finally stormed out in anger. She left when she knew that no amount of yelling or arguing was going to get me to change my mind. She knew she was defeated the stupid daft cow.

I later got a call from Mark. Apparently he had spotted Caroline driving erratically. He performed a breathalyzer test which she of course failed. Well color me surprised. Mark asked me to come and administer a blood test. I went right away to get the whole annoying mess over with. I really didn't have time for such garbage but it had to be dealt with. Of course Caroline was still acting belligerent. She refused to admit that she had a problem. She treated us like we were nothing but bullies that had nothing to do but be mean to her. Oh trust me I had much better this to do them spend my time arguing with a barmy alcoholic.

It's interesting while I was at the police station I was hit with a very strong smell of varnish. It was rather over powering. Mark noticed it too. However he was uncertain of the source. It turns out the varnish smell was significant to Caroline's medical issues. However I will get to that later. I ended up having to take Caroline home because for the time being we could not allow her to drive. Well at least not until the results of her blood tests came back.

I received quite a surprise when I got the results of Caroline's blood tests back. Her glucose levels were alarmingly high. I suddenly put two and two together. Caroline was most likely suffering from ketoacidosis as a result of undiagnosed diabetes.

I knew I had to get over to Caroline's immediately. With sugar levels that high, she could be in crisis. I rushed over hoping I would not be too late. I found that Louisa and repulsive Danny were already there. They were knocking on the front door but were getting no response. This troubled me deeply. I had just dropped Caroline off only hour ago. Also her car was still in town. So she couldn't have gone anywhere far. I knew that this was an extreme emergency and we had no recourse but to break in the house. We broke in to find Caroline unconscious. I was correct that she was suffering from Ketoacidosis secondary to untreated Diabetes. I gave her a shot of emergency insulin and immediately called an ambulance.

I went to the police station to speak to Mark about his breathalyzer tests. Some of the older models pick up keytones resulting in false positive readings. Her blood sugar levels were so high she nearly lost her life. So Mark requesting the blood test most likely saved her life.

I got another visit from the vile smelling Mr. Cook. Even the intervention from the department of Social Services did not help. I decided the only option was to have him hospitalized. I figured hopefully the hospital could perform a battery of tests to get to the bottom of the problem. As Mr. Cook was on his way out he reached into his bag. When he opened the bag the odor was so strong it literally almost knocked Pauline and I off our feet. I put a handkerchief over my mouth and asked to see the bag.

I was not prepared for what I actually found. When I opened his bag out fell the rotting corpse of his dead goldfinch. No I'm not kidding. It was being eaten up by millions of little maggots. It almost made both of us feel physically sick. Well believe or not there was a plus side to the disgusting discovery. At least we discovered the source of the foul odor. Well that ruined my appetite for the rest of the bloody day.

In order to get fresh air after that foul experience, I decided to go check on Caroline in the hospital. It turns out that was a huge mistake. I'm very sorry I went. I approached her room and I could see she already has visitors. I noticed that Louisa and that vile weasel Danny was at her bedside. Well wasn't that just a beautiful picture. I was about to announce myself when I notice that filthy weasel Danny was seductively rubbing Louisa's back. Well she was in no way resisting it. In fact she seemed to be enjoying it.

Well that was enough for me. I had no intention of intruding on their special intimate moment. I quickly turned to leave. Unfortunately, Louis turned and saw me. We exchanged a cold stare before I turned on my heels and left. Oh how I detest that repulsive weasel. I don't know how she can stand his slimy hands on her soft womanly flesh. Well if that is really what she likes then God help her. I shudder.

Well I think now it is time to wind down with a nice cup of tea before bed. Hopefully that will allow me to get the filthy image of Danny rubbing his slimy hands on her out of my head. I shall try but it won't be easy. I would have been so much better off if I hadn't made that trip and seen that disgusting sight. Oh well unfortunately we cannot turn back to time.


	17. Chapter 17

May 10, 2004

Well my day got off to a very rotten start. While I was on my morning rounds, I happened upon the happy couple Danny and Louisa. I really wasn't in the mood after witnessing such a disgusting display at the hospital. They both said good morning but I kept walking. I refused to entertain them in any way.

Pauline called me on my mobile and informed me that Phil Pratt needed me to come see his wife on the farm. I believe Phil Pratt is Auntie Joan's neighbor. I yelled at Pauline that he could have brought her to the surgery. She said that she was not able to come. Of course not. Well color me surprised! Everything is an emergency to these people.

I went to the Pratt's and met Helen. It turns out she was suffering from arterial fibrillation. In other words, an irregular heartbeat. I remember thinking that in a way she was fortunate. Well an irregular heart rhythm is never good. If you have to have one you want arterial fib over ventricular fib. Ventricular is almost always life threatening. However, arterial can treated if caught in time.

I decided to treat it with aspirin and take it from there. I turned my back for a split second and turned back to find Helen in distress. It happened so quickly and I was rather alarmed indeed. It couldn't have been more then thirty seconds that I had my back turned. I instructed Mr. Pratt to call an ambulance immediately. While we were still conversing with the ambulance, she stopped breathing. I ran to her but could immediately see there was no hope for resuscitation. I informed them their services were not needed. I suspect that a blood clot in her leg must have traveled to her brain which in turn killed her. Blood clots are a side effect of a fib. The problem is that blood clots are quite often asymptomatic.

Auntie Joan walked in at that very moment. Well wasn't that excellent bloody timing. Just what I need more people to complicate matters. She became emotional because apparently she and Helen are good friends. I really didn't need any further distractions at that time. When it rains it pours.

We went to the kitchen so I could fill out the death certificate. Well Phil Pratt had the nerve to scream at me and blame me for his wife's death. He tried to intimidate me and almost lunged at me screaming," You could have saved her!" Well he picked the wrong man to try and intimate. I just kept a completely flat affect and handed him the death certificate. I then turned and left.

I think Auntie Joan was angry at me for getting up and abruptly walking out. Well what exactly did she expect me to do? Certainly I couldn't take that abuse. Yes the man did loose his wife. However, that doesn't mean I have to take abuse. I don't tolerate abuse from anyone under any circumstances.

Later I got a call from the school that there was an "emergency." Since Louisa tends to over react to any medical issue at school I never know if it really is a true emergency. Sometimes it's true emergency and sometimes it isn't. I really never know until I get there. It's really frustrating. I hate unpredictability.

Well it really wasn't a major emergency. A child had a small fish bone caught in his throat but could still talk and breathe. There was absolutely no reason for me to rush to the school when the child was in no distress. They absolutely positively could have brought him into the surgery. I swear these people have no issue with wasting other people's precious time.

I was about to leave the scene of the so called emergency when Louisa tells me she is concerned about her new teacher Tricia Stone. She asked me if I would take a "quick look" Tricia while I was there. Her request made me very incensed.

It should not have shocked me as she has a nasty habit of doing that all the time. She knows it makes me crazy but she does it anyway. I was obviously not willing to give in to her utterly infuriating request. First of all I don't respond well when one person speaks for another. Tricia didn't request my services. Louisa took upon herself to ask me. If Tricia wants something from me then she can use her own bloody voice. Second of all, If Tricia had a non emergent medical problem she is more then welcome to come and see me. I flatly refused and of course she got angry with me as usual. I do not care in the least for I refuse to be taken advantage of. Besides she spends half her life angry with me. She always gets over it at some point. I did not look at Tricia hands. Instead I promptly left the highly annoying scene.

This shouldn't have surprised me but I discovered later in the day that the craziness with Phil Pratt was far from over. I was catching up with patient notes, when I got a hysterical call from Auntie Joan. Apparently Phil has started harassing her. On top of that he has started using pesticides. His use of them so close to her land could seriously jeopardize her organic license. I understood but at the same time I wasn't sure what I could do. She wanted me to sit him down and explain what happened to his wife in plain terms. He still thinks I killed his wife. Obviously, I did not "kill" his wife. If that is the way he feels, there is nothing I can do about it. He has it stuck in his puerile brain that it was my fault. Nothing I or anyone else says will change that.

As I was on the phone with Auntie Joan, Phil came barreling into my consulting room. Yes, as usual Pauline was doing her usual bang up job of keeping things under control. I felt compelled to let out a highly sarcastic, "Thank You Pauline!"

He began screaming and carrying on about how I killed his wife. I was not about to tolerate that kind of abuse in my consulting room. I simply explained that he would soon get the results of the post mortem. The results would in fact clearly show that I did not in fact "kill" his wife. As I got closer to him I was hit in the face with the strong smell of alcohol on his breath. That was truly the last straw. I very calmly informed him that if he did not bugger off I would call Mark and have him arrested. As he was leaving I asked him to cease using Pesticides close to Auntie Joan's crops.

Later in the afternoon I came back to the surgery to find Tricia on my doorstep. Yes that is just what I needed. She blurted out that Louisa told her she should come and see me. Yes well Louisa also neglected to inform her that I work by appointment. I was rather infuriated but I decided to tell her to come in and get the whole mess over with. Instead of coming in, she just stood there staring at me paralyzed where she stood. She nervously said "Well why do I left you put away your shopping first." Oh I so did not need that garbage. I got fed up with her stupidity very quickly and said with annoyance "Either come in now or go away." She quickly looked at her watch and then back at me. She decided that she forgot about an important engagement and promptly ran off. I must say I was relieved because I really didn't have the time or the energy for such foolishness.

Some time later I got a call that there was yet another emergency at the school. I was highly irritated about having to respond to yet another bloody emergency. I would say that ninety percent of the time they aren't what I would call an emergency. I've come to realize that my definition and Louisa's definition of an emergency are radically different.

Once again the issue centered on that barmy Tricia. She allegedly fainted. Of course when I arrived she was fully conscious and speaking coherently. Of course she was. Yes the Doctor has nothing better to do them go running to the school every five minutes. Tricia's big revelation was that perhaps she fainted because she forgot lunch. Well that is just bloody fine. I have to come running to the school because some barmy women decides to skip a meal.

As if calling me for a non emergency was not enough, Louisa asked me again to look at Tricia. I must give the women credit for tenacity and persistence. This time I decided to look at them just to avoid hearing her mouth over and over if I didn't. Her hands were red but it was far from a life threatening condition. I asked her if she wore rubber gloves when she washed her dishes. As I expected she does not. I gave her the logical response that perhaps she should. I then decided that was the best time to extricate myself before I was asked to do any more impromptu staff medical exams.

As I was calmly but briskly leaving the school, I received a mild shock. Suddenly Tricia barged past me with a sense of urgency. She barged right past with no regard to my safety in the matter. She did not slam into me but came painfully close. I tried to call after her but she didn't stop. I was beginning to see a link between her physical manifestations and her behavioral reactions. I was beginning to think her problem was psychological in nature.

I was considering pursing Tricia when Louisa came charging after me screaming my name. Oh yes just what I bloody needed at that moment. As per usual we got into an argument. She had the nerve to tell me she couldn't keep apologizing for me. Well, I told her she should stop because I have never asked her to do so.

The heated argument continued and without even thinking I blurted out "I don't understand you! You make no sense! I find you difficult to understand at the best of times!" As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I instantly regretted them. My words just hung amidst the cool sea breeze. She responded with, "What are we talking about?" Well she inadvertently proved my bloody point. That was exactly what I was getting at. She goes and says the daftest things and then wonders why I get beyond angry with her. I mean what the bloody hell did she think I was talking about?

She decided we need to stop having these infuriating mini rows as she calls them. I couldn't have agreed more. It could be accomplished if she would cease being so argumentative and emotional all the time. She suggested we need to set down and have a talk to discuss how we really feel about each other. OH PLEASE! I decided the easiest thing to do was to agree to meet her. I just wanted to get the whole thing over with so I suggested meeting that same night. She claimed she had plans. Oh yes, I how could I forget about pretty boy Danny. Somehow the infuriating women read my mind and said "I'm NOT seeing Danny!" I have to confess I was relived to hear that. We compromised and we set the date for the next night.

Finally I was able to break free from Louisa's highly annoying grasp and I headed back to the surgery. On my way, I passed by Tricia's house. I noticed the most bizarre behavior. This behavior definitely supported my earlier theory that her problem was of a psychological nature. She was standing at her door and she repeatedly looked at her watch. She stood paralyzed unable to go inside. I confronted her and told her that she was most likely suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder. Of course I was met a classic statement of angry denial "There is nothing wrong with me!" Of course there isn't. Yes, it is completely normal to not be able to enter ones home.

During the afternoon, I got a hysterical phone call from Auntie Joan. Apparently, Phil had been injured badly with farm machinery. She discovered him and there was a great deal of blood.

I rushed to the scene. Oh she was right it was a literal bloody mess. The sharp part of the machine had fallen on top of him and cut into both his legs. I dealt with the situation but I came very close to vomiting several times. As I was tending to Phil a man drove up. He came running to the scene with great alarm. He became emotional and took Phil's hand. He started crying and talked about a fear of loosing Phil. It suddenly dawned on me what was going on. Phil was obsessed with the fact that Auntie Joan might know his secret. He was obsessed with what Helen might have told her. Well now we all knew his secret. It was certainly an interesting twist to the whole crazy story.

I was able to stabilize Phil before the ambulance arrived. I informed him that I got the results of Helen's post mortem and it concurred with my original diagnosis. The ambulance came and took him away. Do you know that he didn't even bother to thank me for saving his life? I don't know why I was even surprised.

Later, I was finally ready to go and meet Louisa at the pub. I really wasn't sure what it would accomplish. However, I knew we needed to have some sort of discussion. We really couldn't continue down the same destructive path.

Just as I was about to leave Tricia came barging into the surgery. I informed her that I was on my way out. She panicked and said she desperately needed my help. She said that she is unable to enter or leave a building except on the hour and half hour. So she could not leave until the half hour. She sat down and I tried to talk to her.

As a result, I was unable to escape to meet Louisa. I could only imagine she would be furious with me. However, my hands were tied. I was stuck dealing with a barmy woman who was unable to leave.

I haven't confronted Louisa yet but I know this is gonna cause yet another major argument. Well it's her own fault because she so desperately wanted me to treat her barmy staff member.

Right now, I must stop fretting the consequences of my actions this evening. It is time to wind down with my herbal tea before bed. I'll simply deal with it as it comes.


	18. Chapter 18

May 12, 2004

I have been through a difficult period of days. It's been so long and difficult period I'm have almost lost track of my days. Thank God it is over.

It all started with a visit from my parents. Yes, that is right my parents. I hadn't seen my parents in over seven years. Yes I said seven years. After that amount of time I had gotten used to not having them in my life. So truthfully, I deeply resented the intrusion in my already chaotic life here in Port Wenn.

You cannot imagine my shock when I innocently answered the phone and heard my father's voice on the other end. I never loose control but even I have to admit that I lost the power of speech. He suggested or rather declared they were coming for a visit. What could I have done? One does not just reject ones parents no matter how loathsome they are. I knew I had no choice in the matter.

When I picked them up, my father acted like it was the most normal thing in the world. When I actually questioned my fathers motives his comment "Do we need a reason?" I commented back that it had been seven years. Let's face it you don't just pop in for a visit after seven years. I have to say I was definitely beginning to smell a rat indeed.

My mothers behavior was as equally bizarre. Well not that she is exactly stable in general. I guess you could say she was acting bizarre even for her. When I went to hug her, she became stiffer then the cadavers from back in medical school. Now I realize she isn't nor has she ever been warm. This was ever alarming for her. Her cold acidic mono syllabic answers were incredibly unsettling.

As if having my estranged unstable parents wasn't bad enough, things were about to get worse which I wouldn't have thought possible at the time. On the way home from the train station, I saw a man looking like he was trying to flag down a car. It appeared as though he was broken down. When we got closer I realized it was Danny Steele. BLOODY HELL! I had to blink to make sure it wasn't real. I wanted to keep driving with every fiber of my being. However, I must admit that even I could not do a thing like that. Especially since he was flailing his arms around like a bloody idiot. Well I took him forever and a day to load all his gear into my car. At that point I was thinking "OH God just take me now!"

Things got even worse when Dad felt utterly compelled to chat with Danny. He even referred to Danny as a friend which nearly induced vomiting on my part. As soon as Dad found out that Danny was from London, he took that and ran with it. I knew exactly what he was doing and I wasn't gonna let him get away with it. He was using Danny to try and get information or get me to say why I moved to Port Wenn. I refused to speak and give either one of them the satisfaction. I have to admit I did bristle when that slimy weasel insisted that he came to Port Wenn in search of a "more meaningful life." He also felt compelled to mention that we have a lot "in common." At that point I wished I had run over him with my car instead of picking him up. Don't think I didn't realize he was taking about Louisa. It's scary how that woman can even manage to infuriate me in absentia.

When I dropped Danny off I couldn't help but notice his rather extreme cough. I realized he works on the floors of his mother's house and probably never uses a mask. I mean this is Port Wenn after all. Our citizens don't believe in preventative medicine. I gave him some advice about wearing a mask which I was sure he would absolutely ignore. Still as a Doctor I feel compelled to say such things.

Of course Dad felt compelled to complain about the size of my house. When we arrived home I noticed that mum had literally not said a word since we left the train station. I felt compelled to ask her what was wrong. She gave me a arctic sounding " I'm fine." Well I guess that settled that for the moment.

If that weren't enough the friendly teenagers just had to drop by at that very moment. Yes, their puerile little minds made up plenty to giggle about me and my father.

I was so relived when I got them settled and could focus on my afternoon patients. Yes they can be infuriating but anything was better than Mum and Dad at the moment. My first patient was Maureen Tasey. She was obviously overweight. She said she has tried every diet known and loose weight. Well it was obvious to me that she had been on all these diets but was unable to actually sick to any of them. She also stated all she wanted to do was sleep. Well she had the utter cheek to say that Louisa thought it was her thyroid. Louisa? Did she get an MD in her spare time that I was not aware of? I decided that even though Louisa has already diagnosed her I would still examine MY patient. I decided to feel her hands. Cold hands are a clear sign of an over active thyroid. Well for whatever reason that somehow offended her. She just up and stormed out of my office. Yes, just what I needed after the day I had been having.

Dad insisted we must go to the pub so he could buy everyone's drink. Apparently that is what you do when you are in a new place. It sounded like a crazy tradition to me but it was easier to just go then to argue with him.

We ran into Mark while we were there. Just what I needed to make everything even more perfect then it already was. I'm not surprised that Mark introduced himself to my father as "a friend". It gets even better. First Mark tells me he's engaged to a women he just met. Then Dad invites Mark and his new girlfriend/fiancée to join us. It all happened so quickly before I could even get any words out to protest.

About the only good news was that I did bump into Maureen Tasey. She apologized for running out on me so rudely before. A patient in Port Wenn actually apologized? I almost didn't know how to handle it. Luckily she was agreeable to come in for another consultation.

Later I had another unfortunate conversation/ run in with Dad. I don't know why I even need to specify. Really every conversation we have is unfortunate. I guess you could say this conversation was even more unfortunate then usual.

He started probing me about why I was here. I just said that I saw a different career path. Believe me as far as he is concerned I'm taking the Heamophobia secret with me to the grave. Then he started in on me about buying a house or even a small farm like Auntie Joan's. He was asking me specific questions about the housing market in Cornwall. In fact so much so that I was becoming very suspicious. I'm entitled since most if not all our conversations require a ulterior motive.

Well I got my answer less than twenty four hours later. We went to Auntie Joan's for dinner the following evening. I wasn't even sure if Dad was planning to see her or not. Like I've said it's not as if Dad and I have ever talked openly about anything. Auntie Joan was less then thrilled to see him. I can't say that I blame her. I was actually proud of her. She showed her contempt but she was much more civil then I would have been in her shoes.

Obviously Dad had an ulterior motive for wanting to see her. We all know that he does nothing out of to goodness of his heart. He was hinting that maybe the farm was too much work for her. According to him she should get a nice place in Portugal.

I knew the conversation was not going to end well. In turns out Dad had been plotting all along to take his half of the farm from her. I could not even believe my ears. When their father died Dad had told her she and Uncle Phil could have the farm. At the time it meant nothing to a big time surgeon. Apparently, he stated that he currently needed money. Of course he did not disclose why. I have no doubt it something shady and possibly illegal.

I wish that were all there were to it. He blurted out that I told him how much her farm would be worth if she sold it. My God! This caused Auntie Joan to fly into a rage. Even worse she thought I was on the same side as my miserable wretched parents. I tried to explain to her that I had no idea why Dad was asking me about farm prices. She was so enraged with all of us she refused to hear me out. Even I must admit it do cut me a bit that she thought I would do something like that to her.

When we arrived home, my father had the nerve to tell me it had nothing to do with me and that I should not involve myself is such matters that did not concern me. Well he was wrong it did concern me. Joan is my aunt and I love her for god sakes. He knew it involved me the miserable snake.

I was able to distract myself with my patients. Yes, I'm referring to my practice that my father seems determined to belittle and judge. I told him that I am in charge of the healthcare of this entire community. It may seem like nothing to him but it is a responsibility that I take very seriously indeed. He refuses to beleive that and ask me if I care?

Pauline had mentioned to me that Maureen Tasey had left urine sample for me. I was able to distract myself by performing tests to reach a diagnosis. I suppose the good news is that the results were a shocking distraction to say the least. It turns out she was pregnant. That was indeed the cause for all her fatigue and other symptoms. That diagnosis never occurred to me until I ran the clear results several times.

When I told her the news I discovered something even more shocking. It turns out Roger Fenn is the father. I may be a little slow when it comes to the comings and goings of this village but I had no idea. I knew he was giving her voice lessons. Well apparently he has been giving her a lot more then that.

When I was on my way back from personally delivering the news to Maureen and Roger, I ran into that filthy reptile Danny. I wanted nothing to do with him. However, he had to of course stop and engage me. He had the nerve to question the nature of my relationship with Louisa. He felt compelled to inform me that the two of them had "a history". I believe he was asking met to step aside. You know if Louisa is stupid enough to want that filthy reptile, she can have him. In that case they clearly deserve each other. I really have no idea what she sees in him nor do I even care.

Once I finally returned home I had a rather unfortunate confrontation with Mum. That is severely understating things but I don't even know how else to put it. I am forced to admit that her cold words did indeed cut me deep to the core. The bitterness of her words did almost feel like a sharp dagger to the heart.

I informed her that I was not putting up with impenetrable silence any more. I wanted an explanation about why she ad Dad had this sudden need for money. Apparently Dad lost their money is some shady deal. I should not have been surprised. They were able to keep the villa in Portugal because Dad put it in her name. The wrinkle is that Mum has met someone else that sees her a a real woman again. So Dad needs Auntie Joan's money to be able to afford a place to stay.

I wish that were all she had to say to me. She proclaimed that she and Dad were the perfect couple before I arrived. Once I was born he never saw her in the same way. She tried to get me out of the way by sending me to boarding school and to Port Wenn for the summers. However, I still managed to come between them. She in essence told me that forty years of her life were wasted all because of me.

Now, I'm far from an emotional and sensitive man. However, how is one supposed to react when ones own mother says that he ruined her entire life? Truthfully there are no words to express the shock of hearing those words spoken out loud. In truth the power of her words almost felt like a painful and powerful blow to my solar plexus.

After all that I just needed an escape. So I left the surgery and went on an aimless walk. I severely needed to clear my very full head.

On my way back, I ran into Louisa who was hysterical. Apparently her beloved Danny had just collapsed and she was looking for me. Unfortunately the Hippocratic oath dictates that even if I loathe a person I still must treat them. I diagnosed him with a collapsed lung. I was able to treat and stabilize him until the ambulance came. Once they loaded him on, Louisa gave me a look and asked me if I were going with me. I coldly told her absolutely not! I did suggest that she should go with him because they do have a "a history" She roughly told me to shut up yet she still went with him.

I thought long and hard about the issue with Aunt Joan and the money. I knew that I could not stand by and watch her face financial ruin. I decided the only moral and ethical solution would be for me to sell my flat in Kensington and settle Dad's debt. I knew that the sale of the flat would bring in equal if not more than his share of the farm. I informed Dad of this and assured him he would get his precious money. I gave him strict instructions not to tell her about my involvement. He was to tell her he simply changed his mind. I did not want her to in anyway feel grateful to me. I was doing it it out of family loyalty. That was obviously something my father knew little about. I let him know that once he had his precious money he was not to show his loathsome face in Port Wenn ever again.

The day finally came when Mum and Dad left for good. Mum would not even look me in the eye. I am forced to admit it did feel bittersweet that I would most likely never see my own mother again.

Well at least this whole ugly chapter is behind me. I do still have my practice. It is certainly from perfect but I do have life in Port Wenn for better or worse. One must pick up and move on from such unfortunate experiences in life.


	19. Chapter 19

May 12, 2004

I've glad this past week is over. It guess the only thing to say is I'm finally out of the woods. I actually mean that literally! Yes as usual this is going to turn into a bizarre saga that could only happen in Port Wen.

I say literally because I did in fact end rescuing Al and Mark from the woods after Mark had been bitten by a snake. However in order for this story to make sense I must explain the bizarre set of events that led me into the barren Cornish woods.

I was already irritated because I was awoken to that bloody dog barking on my front porch. I went to try and shut it's foul and disease ridden mouth when I found Mark in the porch petting him. Oh, yes just what I needed to brighten the mood even more.

Mark came to ask me a very important question. As I may have mentioned, Mark is engaged. It is an important piece of background information that Mark has known this girl what five minutes and they are engaged. I tried to talk him out of it but of course he didn't listen to me.

He actually asked me if I would be his best man. Excuse me? I think I even had to blink to make sure I was not imagining things. Unfortunately that was not the case. Well obviously I said no. I can think of a million things I would rather do or a million places I would rather be. He seemed extremely crestfallen. I didn't let it get to me. I knew I could not get involved in this madness.

I finally sent Mark on his way. Well really what else could he say? Believe me he knew better then to try and talk me into it.

I was already irritated by Mark when my first group of patients arrived. It was a pack of annoying and very cheeky male teenagers. The only consolation is the male teenagers are slightly less annoying than the female teenagers. I said slightly.

Apparently he was stung by fish he didn't know, in a place and time he couldn't remember. Oh how very helpful in helping me determine is diagnosis. I absolutely love the fact that people give me little or no information and then expect me to arrive at a correct diagnosis. I guess I'm supposed to be psychic as well.

I was catching on my paperwork when Louisa barged into my office. Yes does that a lot. It's actually gotten to point where I'm shocked when she is NOT annoyed with me. She was really incensed that I declined Mark's offer to be best man. I told her I didn't know anything about Mark's life. Therefore I was highly unqualified for the role.

Of course she can't just let things drop. She has to accuse me so she can win every bloody argument. She certainly has a way of making me hypertensive. She was wildly offended that I didn't "bother to ask" about Mark. Then she went into a lecture about how Mark really cares about me. Well that may be true but that really is not my fault nor my problem. I did nothing to encourage it any way shape or form. So why should I suffer or be held responsible?

She decided to win the argument by delivering the final crushing blow. Her acidic parting words were "By the way Danny is doing very well. Thank you for saving his life." Unfortunately I had no argument for that because unfortunately I did save Danny's life.

I bit later on Mark made sure to tell me there were no hard feelings. Why should there be hard feelings? I did nothing wrong. He made certain to mention that Al was his new best man. I think he was actually trying to make me feel guilty or jealous. I think not! I just humored him and tried to keep on walking. Yes tried is the operative word.

He just wasn't gonna let this whole thing go. He decided since I refused to be his best man it was logical that I would want to go to a stag party. I shuddered! I absolutely shuddered! Well obviously I refused that too. Unfortunately none of my refusals will result in him deciding to terminate our so called " friendship". Believe me I could never be that fortunate.

Apparently he was planning an overnight camping trip in the woods. Oh what was I thinking by refusing? What could be more appealing then sleeping on the filthy ground and being eaten alive by disease carrying insects?

I was walking down near the harbor when I noticed those loathsome teenagers I had the misfortune of dealing with earlier. Believe it or not, there was a connection with what happened earlier in the surgery. I noticed one of the boys was in distress. I ran down to assess the situation. It seems the boys also looked guilty on top of being scared on behalf of their little friend. Louisa finally got them to confess that they were involved deliberately getting their friend stung by poisonous fish. This was a dare to see how long he could stand the pain. Just when I think teenagers are the most horrific people on the face of the earth they do something to lower my opinion even further. I yelled at them that their friend could have died. Well the little reptiles looked at me blankly as if the thought never occurred to them. I swear sometimes I think rocks are smarter than teenagers.

Pauline soon got a call from Al saying they were lost in the woods. Well color me surprised. Oh but that is not all. Mark was bitten by a snake that was they suspected was poisonous. This news was not at all causing me to regret my decision not to wander into the deep wilderness.

I wondered how I was supposed to get to them if Al could not even give me an approximate location. I needed to get to them because if the snake bite was in fact poisonous, it could have been fatal. The bottom line was I had to find them one way or another.

Louisa decided that the only desperate solution was to ellict the assistance of Stewart the park ranger. We had hit rock bottom indeed. I belive I have mentioned him. He's is the chap that thinks his very best friend is a six foot squirrel. He lives in a dilapidated shack just outside the woods. Oh yes, I would be in stellar company.

I hate admitting this with every fiber of my being but she was right. This is another hippocratic oath discussion. I mean Stewart does know the woods like the back of his hand. So for me to refuse his help just because he has a raging case of barminess would in fact be doing my patient/patients harm. BUGGER! In other words, I had absolutely positively no choice.

As I was on my way to pick up barmy Stewart, something was gnawing at me. I noticed Julie, Marks fiancé, was less than heart broken that her fiancé was perhaps in critical condition and could die. She seemed mildly alarmed at best. It almost seemed as though she was acting so that no one would suspect she really didn't give a damn. It was as if she suddenly said to herself. "OH! I need to act crestfallen!" Yes this is a match made in heaven.

As I expected Stewart did not decide to take a day off and act normal for once. He kept running around trying to find the Squirrel poachers. Let us not forget that poachers are after his "best friend" Anthony. He knows the woods but I constantly had to redirect him to abandon his crusade and help me find my patients. At one point he became so angry I feared he would shoot me. Looking back on the whole scene, perhaps being shot may have been a welcome blessing.

During my time in the woods, I fell in a stream of filthy water and ruined one of my favorite pair of shoes. I was wet, cold, hungry, and generally pissed off. I was beginning to loose hope that we would ever find my patients even with jungle savvy Stewart.

Stewart is so obsessed with poachers that he is constantly setting traps in the woods. Well he managed to get his leg caught in one of the pre set traps. He understandably screamed his bloody lungs off. That turned out to be a good thing in a strange way. My patients heard his screams and we were reunited.

I treated Mark on the scene and soon realized he would be fine. He would be back on the street annoying people and wreaking havoc in no time. When Mark and Julie were reunited she seemed less than happy to see him. One would have thought she would have been overjoyed to see her beloved fiancée was safe. To me she looked like she was trying to win an Oliver Award.

I suppose I could say the whole situation ended on a good note. Louisa did make a point of timidly approaching me and saying she was " worried about me." I felt that familiar warm twinge. Well, this should last me until the next time she gets mad at me. Unfortunately, it won't be long now.

Well I'm finally rested and clean from my jungle adventure. I'm sure it will not be my last crazed adventure with patients. However lets hope I can stay out of the barren wilderness. At least not for a while anyway.


	20. Chapter 20

May 15, 2004

I realize I have started may journal entries by saying that I have been through hell and back. The unfortunate truth is it often sums up my daily life and experiences. I hate to be repetitive but it has become my scary reality. Sometimes I wonder if that "and back" part of the statement is true. Sometimes I feel as though I have yet to return from the fiery pits of hell.

My adventure started with a visit to Mrs. Tishell. That is never a good way to start any day. She always talks and talks and is oblivious to others. I was in a hurry so I really didn't have time to stand around and wait. I never really have the time but I was even more rushed than usual. I have learned the best way to approach her is to be firm and to the point thus not engaging her in any way.

As I was on my way out, this infuriating man practically barreled into me. Without even offering an apology, he announced he was from the Salvation Army. I was certainly far from impressed. He then shoved a picture of a young girl in my face and asked if I had seen her. I abruptly told him I did not recognize her and quickly extricated myself. Truth be told I really didn't look that closely. I had no desire to give him the time of day.

Naturally I ran into Danny and Louisa on my way back to surgery. Oh yes what a wonderful way to make my day even better. That filthy weasel felt compelled to thank me for saving his life. Believe me it wasn't personal. I'm a Doctor! I took an oath! I reality I had no choice but to save his stupid miserable life. It certainly wasn't because I give a bloody fig about him.

He also felt compelled to bring God into it the slimy worm. He put it as though God and I got together for tea and jointly decided to save him together. I was luckily able to extricate myself before I managed to say anything that could not be taken back later.

I was just in time for Mark who had an appointment for his wedding AKA life insurance and critical coverage physical. I still can't imagine why he wants to marry that stupid trollop. However no one listens to me so why should I even bother involving myself.

After the exam, I asked Mark if he had ever had the mumps as a child. To be perfectly blunt, I asked him because his testes appeared on the small side. This is often a sign that a man has had mumps a child. I made arrangements for him to go to the hospital for a sperm test.

Mark was directly followed by Mrs. Tishell. I wondered how many highly infuriating people a man should be expected to put up with in one day. As usual she came bearing treats and medical literature. She actually handed me a wet smelly piece of paper. Apparently while she was holding the article she slipped in the tub and it got wet. Honestly I did not even want to know why she had reading material in the bathroom. It did elicit some rather strange images.

I had to come out and ask her what her actual medical problem was. She simply stopped by for some painkillers. Really? Is that all? I felt like asking her if we had just met. I would think by now it should be obvious that I don't dispense meds like candy unlike my predecessor.

On the other hand, I was more then willing to conduct a thorough examination. After which I would consider dispensing pain medication if I felt it was needed. However as you can imagine she was not amenable to that. An examination would have meant she would have had to remove her collar. In the back of my mind, I saw that coming. It's clear that there is a strong psychological reasons for her to wear it full time. However, I'm not sure the exact reason. I do know it is ALL in her mind. Well it ended up working in my favor because I was able to get rid of her at least for the moment anyway.

I decided to call the lab to found out the results of Mark's sperm test. According to the results, Mark has a condition known as azoospermia. To put it delicately he lacks the ability to produces sperm. It is a very rare disease indeed. It is so rare that I asked to have the results verified more than once.

Unbeknownst to me my afternoon was about to get even more bizarre. While I was wrapping up with the lab on the phone, Mark's little trollop of a fiancée barges in on me. Given the nature of my phone call I of course acted with alarm and roughly informed her I was on the phone.

When I was finally ready to see her she dropped the colossal bomb that she was pregnant. Given her cheap nature I should not have been completely surprised.

I examined her and estimated that she was approximately 12-14 weeks. Well the silly girl didn't realize I "could tell." She became very defensive and threatened to sue me. I was not about tolerate such stupid and idle threats. I informed that she would need to find another GP to manage her pregnancy. I refuse to get in the middle of her irresponsible behavior.

I decided to go and talk to Mark and tell him his results. He needed to know. I figured that maybe the news would make him reconsider marrying the barmy trollop. However, since no one in this village listens to me I was not overly hopeful.

On my way out I did overhear an unfortunate conversation between Al and Pauline. Apparently they had heard that Louisa and Danny are considering marriage. They were allegedly seen looking into the church. Oh please! You know if that is the kind of man she wants to spend the rest of her life with then he can have her. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Besides I had more important issues to deal with other then those two. I approached Mark and he immediately pounced on me saying he was already aware of the pregnancy. He was practically glowing. I have yet to see a more sickening display. My God he was a naïve as a small child. In between cringing, the only thing I could do was urge Mark to come and see me right away in the surgery.

Later in the afternoon Louisa shows up at my door. Yes that is just what I bloody well needed. My first thought was that she actually had to nerve to come as ask for my blessing with her and pretty boy Danny. I actually wasn't planning on sharing that with her. However, it slipped out involuntarily. She gave me a cutting look that I am forced to admit was rather scary. Perhaps that wasn't the purpose of her visit after all.

In my irritated state I failed to notice the Salvation Army gentleman from earlier standing behind her. Well I certainly managed to put my foot in it.

They both came in and showed me the picture of the young girl he had tried to show me earlier. Louisa apparently realized it was Julie and had come to me for a second opinion. As I looked at the picture again even I could clearly see there was no denying it.

Louisa became a hysterical female and asked me what we should do about it. My response was that it really is none of our business. Mark was stupid enough to get himself all mixed up in this. Let him bloody sort it out himself.

Of course she got angry with me. I shouldn't have even been surprised. She turned and apologized to the Salvation army gentleman. Nothing infuriates me more than when she apoligizes to others on my behalf. I believe she knows this but does it anyway. Oh the bloody cheek of that woman. Danny can so have her.

Mark finally came to see me. I bluntly told him that he was infertile. Even my blunt words weren't clear enough for him. He kept insisting that there must have been one "persistent little bugger" amount them. Oh please! Finally I was able to make it clear to him that azoospermia means NO SPERM at all. Even Mark knows that a child cannot be conceived in the complete absence of sperm.

Of course he took it out on me. He got himself involved with a crazy fugitive trollop but somehow I caused it all. Oh yes how utterly logical. Even though it really is none of my business, I felt the only ethical thing to do was to tell him what I/we know. I was in no way telling him because Louisa thought it was a good idea.

Apparently Mark had Julie arrested and she was hauled out of the village. All I have to say is good riddance to bad rubbish.

Finally things quieted down at least for a bit anyway. I decided it was a good time to go into town for a few errands. I ran into Auntie Joan on the way. She became rather emotional. Apparently she somehow found out about that I gave up my flat for her. I'm not completely surprised. It's not as if my father is so honorable that I could have trusted him to keep his word.

If that weren't enough she gave me grief about keeping my emotions inside and urged me to do something about Danny and Louisa. I really don't know what she expected me to do. I mean if Louisa actually want to marry that miserable tosser I can't help that.

I ended up running into Louisa literally minutes later. That that the problem with living in a tiny village. It is impossible to avoid people in small towns. In London it is possible to avoid people for months. In Port Wenn, five minutes of avoidance is a record.

Of course our conversation ended in angry words. I felt compelled to ask her if she was going to "go for it" with Danny. Obviously she didn't like that. She refused to give me a definitive answer. That lead me to believe she really wasn't certain about the intentions of her little pretty boy. Since Danny is always rambling on about God I felt utterly compelled to ask her if she was waiting for some sort of signal from above. Well that abruptly ended the conversation as she roughly stormed away.

Later I received another visit from barmy Mrs. Tishell. I should have known better than to think this nonsense with the pain killers was over. She came barreling in stating that she knows for a fact that some patients do get pain medication from me.

I had enough and came out and accused her of somatization. Then I loudly bellowed at her to take it off. She accused me of "being mean." Well ask me if I care? Of course she ran out with less maturity than a small child.

I wasn't however the least bit done with her. I got a call from Louisa who was over at the pharmacy with her. Apparently, Louisa convinced her to take off the bloody collar. She then turned her head and then her neck was paralyzed.

I annoyingly rushed to the scene. As much as I hate to admit it but I felt her neck and lower back and there appeared to be a prolapsed disk. So in this particular instance she was right to wear the collar.

Don't think she didn't take the opportunity to be very cheeky with me. She reminded me that she mentioned to me that she fell in the bath when she brought me the articles earlier. I had no choice but to concede defeat and put her in an ambulance. When the ambulance pulled away I was very relieved to have her out of my hair for a bit.

Louisa and I were left standing alone in the street. She promptly announced that Danny was off to live in London without her. I couldn't resist very sarcastically and acidly saying how I would miss him very much.

I went to walk away and Louisa decided to call after me, "You know Martin there are about twenty things about you that are crap!" Well how lovely. She tried to sugar coated it a little by saying that despite that I'm Martin Ellingham through and through. Well what the hell does that mean? I simply stood there analyzing the craziness of her remarks.

If that wasn't enough to think about, she blurts out that she wants to have a drink with me. Not to sound like Danny but all I could think was God give me strength!

I tried to tell her that I'm averse to drinking because of it's appalling impact on the liver and not to mention the central nervous system. Not to mention drinking often makes me pass right out.

Well she wasn't taking no for an answer. I think very deep down I knew that I was having a drink with this woman and nothing was saving me at this point not even God.

There are several other reasons why I don't drink. Another reason is I find I'm not in control of the relationship between my brain and my mouth. I say things that I KNOW are wrong. My brain always tells me not to say them but my mouth won't stop. So I end up realizing I'm making a fool of myself but not being able to stop. It's can be summed up as a waking nightmare.

As you can imagine that is exactly what happened when I was forced to drink with her. Before I could even blink I was blurting out the most inappropriate words. I told her she was beautiful and that my day is not complete until I catch a glimpse of her. I even told her that I loved her.

As I was doing that, my brain was internally screaming at me to STOP! However my mouth kept moving of it's own volition. I knew it was a bad idea to drink. NEVER EVER again!

Oh but believe it not that was only the tip of the iceberg. I did in fact pass out. I told her that was a distinct possibility. Of course she never listens to me.

I woke up the next morning on the cold hard floor with that filthy hound in my arms. My entire body ached. I somehow miraculously picked myself off the floor.

Much to my horror I heard voices coming from the waiting room. I looked at my watch and realized Pauline was already there. All I could think was OH SHIT!

I had to choice but to walk by a bunch of waiting and gawking patients. All I could do was mutter that surgery would be delayed this morning. I could hear the laughter and snickering all the way up the stairs. I knew it was the start of another infuriating day in Port Wenn.

I somehow managed to get through the day as I scolded patients that felt the need to comment on my personal life. Around mid day I decided I desperately needed some air. As I steeped outside I immediately saw Louisa approaching. It was nerve wracking at first but I knew I would have to face her eventually. It was better to get it out of the way now.

She had the cheek to ask me for the morning after pill. For a split second she really did scare the ever loving life out of me. I mean I didn't remember what lead to me ending up on the floor. Thank God she finally told me she was joking. I apologized for my awful display. She said she was glad it happened. Well easy for her to say. She didn't end up on a cold floor with a smelly dog.

Much to my horror she said that she loved me too. I explained that she can't possibly know that and that she may be suffering from one of the at love related delusional disorders. She was not the least bit pleased when I diagnosed her with erotomania. She slapped me across the face and stormed off. Oh yes, back to square one.

Well I must retreat to my bed now. My head still hurts from the whole incident. It will be nice to sleep in a bed rather than on the cold hard floor!


	21. Chapter 21

May 15, 2004

My day started out with some excitement in the form of Louisa Glasson. Well isn't that just the way. It seems like most if not all of the excitement and aggravation in my life somehow ties in with her. I've noticed it is pattern that started on the day we met.

I was walking down into town minding my own business when I spotted her reading to a group of children. Of course she caused to get the uncontrollable warm feeling. That warm feeling instantly turned into alarm when she suddenly fainted away right before my very eyes.

I ran to her as fast as my legs could carry me. I had to push all the little annoying children out of the way. Their crying and caterwauling made it very difficult for me to examine her.

I helped her up and prepared to take her with me back to the surgery. Well of course she didn't just come quietly. She had to fight me. I suppose I should not have been surprised. She claimed she could not leave the children. I suppose she had a point but I was still very concerned.

I did get her to agree to come later in the evening. She began to grill me about my possible plans for the evening. That infuriated me. I wondered what exactly she was getting at. I wish she would just come right out and tell me she is thinking. Oh, but I suppose that would be to much to ask.

I was about to find out Louisa's health concerns were the least of my worries. My next patient was Allison Lane and her infuriating daughter Delph. This demon child proceeded to kick scream and run all over my consultation room. Her mother constantly remarked that it wasn't her fault.

When I went so far as to discipline the monster she had the utter cheek to tell me that I couldn't tell her what to do! I certainly can expect civilized behavior in my surgery. The child was apparently suspended from school. However, her mother claimed "she didn't mean it!" OH PLEASE!

I felt compelled to ask if the child was actually ill. Judging from the energy she put into running all over my consultation room, I seriously doubted she was actually ill. Allison's brilliant answer was "She just keeps doing stuff!" That is not an illness. That is the sign of a rotten child that refuses to sit still. A doctor is not needed for that. Perhaps a police constable would better suit that child.

She carried on about how she "used to" be good. Oh yes I'm so sure she was an angelic child that woke up one morning and decided to be naughty. How stupid do the people on this village think I am?

Her next comment caused me to insist that the consultation abruptly. I wanted to throttle her but unfortunately I hadn't to excercise some self control. She felt compelled to tell me that she "used to" be good. Apparently she used to get high marks for good behavior. She said I should call Miss Glasson. She had the nerve to take a tone that indicated she knew the bizarre nature of our relationship. That did it! I declared the consultation over. I was able to get rid of her. Well at least for a while anyway.

As I was on my way into town the next morning I noticed a police car in the middle of road. It looked like the driver was unconscious. I roughly tapped on the window to see if that would arouse him. Of course he showed no appreciation. He showed annoyance because he was simply sleeping. Oh yes it is perfectly natural for a man to sleep with his car in the middle of the road.

He asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was trying to make sure he wasn't dead. He acted as though a man shouldn't be surprised to me another man slumped over the steering wheel of his car. He was quite evasive indeed. Oh well doesn't everyone take naps in the middle of the road. I ordered him to come see me in the surgery as soon as possible. I knew that surely something was amiss.

It turns out that he is PC Joe Penhale, the new PC is Port Wenn. Apparently Mark had a mental breakdown after Julie and ran away. Believe me his running away is not a huge loss. However, I began to wonder which was the lesser of two evils; Mark's stupidity or a policeman that falls asleep at the wheel? Even at this very moment I'm still not sure.

Louisa finally came by so I could look after her about her earlier fainting episode. Of course our encounter was filled with tension and angry words. Why should I have expected anything less. I was simply asking her questions as a GP.

I was trying to get to the bottom of her fainting episode and that is all. I asked her if he had been having heavy periods. I also asked her if there could be a chance she were pregnant. I mean any of those things could cause a person to faint. I was simply doing my job. Why does she make everything so personal?

She even went so far as to ask if she should switch surgeries. I thought that was a totally reactivate and highly irrational response. However, I remained calm and told her that was up to her. I wasn't about to give her the satisfaction of a long drawn out emotional discussion. That is exactly what she wanted and I wasn't buying into it. So as usual she left in one of her little snits. I suppose I should be used to them by now.

The truth is I really didn't want her to change surgeries. I didn't want a another strange doctor looking at her, finding out personal information, and God forbid touching her. Oh God, what am I saying? For God sakes Ellingham, get a grip on yourself Well enough about Louisa's female moods. I just have to pray she doesn't go through with it. Something tells me she won't. Anyway I can't worry about it now.

On an unrelated topic, PC Penhale came to see me. I ended up diagnosing him with narcolepsy. He even had a narcoleptic episode right in front of me.

Apparently before he came to Port Wenn, he was involved in an accident in which he was kicked in the head by a horse. Oh, nothing surprises me anymore.

He wanted me to just treat him and keep this quiet. He wanted to continue to work during treatment. How could I go along with something like that? I cannot know something is a danger to others and cover it up. I told him that he was under no circumstances was he to drive. Of course I knew deep down he was not going to listen to me. I am however obligated to waste my breath and say it anyway.

Just as I was about to settle in for the night, Louisa knocked at my door. Before I knew it, I asked her if she had changed Doctors yet. I didn't mean to blurt it out like that. I feared that now she would know that I really didn't want her to leave me or rather my surgery. Do you see how that woman causes me to loose control of myself? Much to my surprise and deep relief that is not why she came. She came to harass me about Allison Lane's daughter.

I was relieved that change the subject but also highly irritated. I understand she is concerned but I can't just sedate every annoying child. If I did half the children in the village would be walking around doped up. I was just about to get through to her when who barges in my back door but Bert. BLOODY HELL! Of course she snuck out before I even had a chance to tell HIM to go away.

He started rambling on about his alleged depression. He asked me the cause. I matter of factly explained to him that he is lonely, bored, unloved and past his prime. It's really quite simple. His life is depressing. I finally couldn't take it anymore. I just left him there and went to bed. Even after I left the room, the barmy man kept talking. Right before I went upstairs, I heard him say something about being unchallenged and quitting the plumbing business.

The next day I had an unfortunate run in with Pauline. Well I have run ins with Pauline daily. However, this was even more unfortunate than usual.

She had taken upon herself to research the Ritalin I prescribed to PC Penhale on the Internet. Oh, yes the Internet. I fear that some day the Internet will put us doctors out of business . People appear to rely on it more than our opinions these days.

Apparently she had time to research the drug but did not have time to pick up the supplies I ordered. She cried about the mundane nature of her job. Does she really expect me to give her more responsibility? I mean she can't even handle the simple aspects like picking up my supplies. Why would I give her more responsibilities?

The minute I got Pauline off my back, I turned around and Allison Lane was hovering over me in my consultation room. I roughly told her that no one comes into my surgery uninvited. I hated to admit this to myself but I couldn't get rid of her. I had no choice but to talk to her repulsive self. She began ranting and raving about how she had an appointment with an educational psychologist on Monday.

The most galling part is she want me to supply her with drugs to sedate her daughter until Monday. I explained to her that I refuse to drug a child until Monday when what the child clearly needed was parental intervention and taking in hand. That is something that Mrs. Lane has clearly failed to do for a very long time if ever.

She claimed it was not her fault. Well color me surprised. According to her this problem just occurred with the blink of an eye. In one split second in time, her angelic daughter transformed into a little monster. Oh yes of course that is the cause of all this misery.

I brought up the fact that her daughters physical condition could account for her behavior. Her brilliant response was "You mean she's fat!" Well actually that is exactly what I DID mean. For once, she had gotten it right. Instead of facing the fact that I was right in calling her neglect, of her daughter she became defensive with me, called me a few choice namand enforce she stormed out. It was a welcome blessing beleive me.

Later I was blessed with more with more tumultuous interaction in the form of Louisa. She began to harass me again about Allison and her daughter Delph. I completely lost my marbles at that point. I had it with everyone and their mother offering me an opinion. I told her that is was bad enough I had a receptionist second guessing my every move. I was not about to tolerate it from her.

Well of course she had to get defensive and say she was only trying to help. If I wanted her help I would ask for it. She should know by now that my biggest frustration in life is unsolicited advice. I sure do get a lot of it around here despite the fact that everyone knows how much I hate it!

Well the incident with Delph finally came crashing down before us literally. Apparently her mother stole some Ritalin from my surgery.

Now, the dosage I prescribed to PC Penhale was for an adult NOT a child. It created a stimulant effect as it would in an adult. You see if it is prescribed for a child, the dosage is lower and it works for focus and concentration.

In other words, it sent the child into a highly dangerous overdrive. She child literally could not stop running so she slammed through the glass window of a shop. I got an emergency call and rushed to the scene.

Well as you can imagine a child crashing through glass caused a great deal of blood. Oh just the tonic I needed for an already stressful situation. I of course promptly vomited. I am at least prepared though. I am ashamed to admit this I have small paper bags in my emergency medical bag. I always know it's coming so I never make a mess. The good news is that despite my nausea and vomiting I was able to get her stabilized and she will be fine. Well fine for the moment. I'm rather concerned about her long term well being with a mother like hers.

There was a minor positive outcome to the whole bloody mess. It gave me an interesting idea. Pauline has been whining incessantly about her job not being interesting enough. I am forced to give her credit and say that she is good at dealing with the blood and other aspects of an emergency. That is one of the rare situation where she actually can keep a calm rational and level head.

I decided she could take a course in phelebotomy to learn how to draw blood for labs. The course is not very difficult. I'm fairly certain she could pass the exam. My new creative plan almost cause a weight to be lifted off my chest.

My calm relief did not last long. Louisa decided it would be a brilliant idea to bring Allison to my house to see me. What the hell goes on in that pretty little head of hers? Allison begrudgingly thanked me for saving her daughters life. Well more like Louisa spoke for her and she nodded her head and gave me mono syllabic responses.

The good news is I was able to get a moment alone with Louisa. She looked rather worried. She then asked me if she could stay. I had to hide my shock and yes I must admit delight.

I felt compelled to clarify by actually asking her if she meant over night. Fortunately or Unfortunately, that is NOT what she meant. She was actually asking if she could stay as my patient. Well that was a faux pas for Dr. Ellingham! I must admit I was happy to see that she was not horrified or repulsed by my thinking she meant stay with me. Maybe it is something for me to look forward to. OH GOD! What am I saying? She did not help matters by saying that maybe it is time for something new for us. How am I supposed to interpret that? I think I know how to interpret that. Oh blast that woman! No, fortunately or unfortunately nothing unsavory happened.

Well on that note, I should end this. I don't know how I'm supposed to sleep now. I think I'll be doubling my dose of herbal tea!


	22. Chapter 22

May 18, 2004

Well my morning started out with a meeting on the street with Bert. I noticed a sign that read "Large restaurant." I could not believe my eyes. All I could do was wonder what the daft man had gone and done. It turns out I wasn't imagining things, he really had decided to open up a restaurant out of the blue. Oh yes, so very normal.

Apparently, I was his inspiration. OH PLEASE! He came to me recently about feeling depressed. He mentioned making changes to his life. At the time I agreed that some changes could not hurt. However, by changes I meant a healthier life style. I certainly wasn't implying that he up and open a restaurant. I'm not sure how my telling him to live healthier translated into opening a restaurant.

For once I was glad to run into him. I desperately needed help installing my new dishwasher. He actually refused saying that he was no longer a plumber. He was only in the restaurant business now. Well, that was just bloody perfect. So what in heaven's name was I supposed to do about my dishwasher?

I was irritated by my run in with Bert. However, my mood lifted with a run in with Louisa. The familiar warm feeling washed over me and depressed the irritation. We discussed Bert's grand opening. She asked if I was going. GOD NO! She should have known me better than to ask if I actually going. I shuddered at the thought. I would almost rather starve than attend Bert's opening.

I must say she is very clever when it comes to subtle invitations. Her thinking was since we are not going to Bert's we might as well have dinner together at her house. Very clever little woman indeed.

I needed to hire a temporary receptionist while Pauline was gone on her phlebotomy course. I was hesitant at first to hire a temporary person. However, I really do need the assistance. I also figured I'm used to Pauline's ineptitude. I figure a temporary girl could not be worse. Her name was Poppy. She appeared rather flighty. Since Opium comes from Poppies, maybe the name really suited her. I figured she is only temporary.

My next patient was a vile teenage girl. This brazen little thing marched right in and demanded the morning after pill. Excuse me? She corrected herself and said she wanted birth control pills. I of course refused her request. I was not about to just hand birth control to a fifteen year old girl. I informed her that she is too young to be having sex. She cheekily responses that she might want to at some point. Well I still wasn't going to hand out birth control for that purpose. I bluntly told her to come back when she is an adult and she stormed out in a teenage snit.

My next patient Michael Mably come in with a rather ghastly and possibly infected would on his left lower quadrant. I asked him why he has never had it looked it. It appeared as though he had neglected to have it examined which lead to a possible infection and inflammation. It turns out he was stabbed. He was subsequently in prison. That certainly explains why his wound was never addressed. He was concerned that this would "get out." I explained that Doctor patient confidentiality extends to ex convicts. With that in mind, I properly dressed his wound. I sent him away with specific instructions on how to care for his wound at home.

When I came out of my consulting room I noticed that all the waiting patients were enjoying tea. I have always told my receptionists that we DO NOT serve tea. This is a bloody Doctor's surgery not a café! I informed her that if she wished to work in a tea shop that could be arranged. I don't know why people think this is a bloody teashop.

I went to Louisa's house for dinner as planned. Before I could even knock on the door, those parasitic teenagers walked by and made faces and remarks. it is truly scary that they have nothing better to than to giggle about other people's personal lives.

Unfortunately we had a little wrinkle in our dinner plans. When I arrived she informed me that the electricity has gone out. I managed to fix it. However, it ruined her planned meal. I must admit I did feel a pinch of sympathy for her. It did cause a warm feeling to see how much effort she put into it. So it really was rather sad that it was ruined through no fault of her own. I tried to cheer her up by saying that it I was sure that it would have been delicious if it hasn't been ruined.

Since we had no dinner she suggested we go to Bert's. Part of me shuddered at the thought. However, since we had no viable dinner it was the only option. It was an absolute bloody nightmare. Beleive it or not, I mean it was literally a bloody nightmare.

At first, it seemed like it might be adequate. Louisa and I were having a nice conversation. Everything changed when my salad arrived. It is almost painful to relive the experience. Just remembering it gives me severe chills. I picked up my fork to eat my salad when I looked and clearly saw blood dripping next to the brown wilted lettuce. Yes, it was clearly blood on my plate! I did not handle the situation well. Of course my already crippling blood phobia did not help my reaction.

I jumped up knocked over the chair and ran into the kitchen shrieking about the blood on my plate. Bert actually tried to calm me down as I were the one with the problem. I think I was justified in making a scene. I came very close to vomiting on Bert's kitchen floor. I miraculously kept it down but barely.

It turns out the cook cut herself and her blood got into the food. On top of already feeling painfully sick, I was even more horrified to discover the condition of the kitchen. It was beyond disgusting. The blood came from the young cook who sliced her hand. When I arrived, her entire hand was wrapped in a blood soaked towel. Oh, and of course the kitchen lacked a first aid box. I had no choice but to cut my dinner with Louisa short and stick up the injured ad utterly stupid young cook. Oh yes Bert was so wise to leaving plumbing and so into the restaurant business.

My traumatic incident also impacted several other people. As I feared, we had an epidemic on our hands. I was prepared because epidemics are the norm in this village. My temporary receptionist came in sick. I have noticed that people don't seem to believe I staying home when sick. They would much rather inflict their germs on the general public. That is what leads to the regular epidemics.

I had several patients with stomach issues. Every one of them ate at Bert's. I knew I had to confront Bert about his filthy restaurant. I knew he was going to get defensive and I was right. He made a point of showing me that his kitchen now had a first aid box. He acted as though that would actually make a difference. The damage had been done.

Unfortunately, Louisa was impacted by the tainted food. I got a call for her saying she wasn't feeling well. She did not sound well at all. I must confess that I felt a pang of pity for her. Well obviously I rushed to see her. I must admit the call to Louisa was rather awkward indeed.

I have never been to seeing her in shall we say that context. I have not yet been with her in her bedroom in any context. I would be lying if I said I have never been there in my thoughts and dreams.

I went into her loo to wash up. Unfortunately, I immediately spotted her undergarments drying on the towel warmer. Naturally, they weren't bulky winters undergarments. They were lacy, feminine and I have to say very sexy. It was making an already awkward situation even worse. I felt a very warm twinge which I could not control. I wish that were the worst of it.

I hung my jacket up to way up. When I put it back on, one of her bras was attached to the back. I failed to notice it. So I went back put to her bedroom with one of her bras hooked to my jacket. I have to admit it was a mortifying scene. When I entered her room, I noticed she had this shocked look on her sick face. She turned pale and developed a slight stutter. She meekly got out, "My bra!" Even in her weakened state, she managed to jump up and take back her bra. Even I was at a loss for words.

Once I was freed from her nice lacy bra, I was able to focus on the task at hand. There was not much I could do for her except tell her to take plenty of fluids. I don't know what possessed me to do this but I offered to stay and make her tea and toast. She refused my offer. I hate to admit this but I was rather disappointed. However, since she wasn't feeling well I decided not to force it.

When I got back to the surgery, I received a visit from that annoying teen I saw earlier. Yes, the fifteen year old that wanted birth control. I tried to tell her to leave but she was hysterical crying that she was dying! OH PLEASE! Why must teenagers over dramatize every little thing. It turns out she nicked birth control pills from an older girl and overdosed. I explained to her that even though it was an incredibly stupid thing to do, it was not fatal.

I was about to dismiss her when she started blubbering. Yes, just what I needed, a moody teenager. Apparently her friends tease her about her lack of breasts. She thought estrogen in the pills would cause her breasts to grow more rapidly. I'm not very good at handling moody, irrational teenagers. However, I somehow came up with a very clever remedy that would shut her up and stop her infernal blubbering.

I knew that Poppy always carried peppermints with her. I ran out and asked her to give them to me. I took them back and told the teenager they were medication that would help enlarge her breasts. I figured the peppermints couldn't harm her. I told her to take one a day and let it dissolve on her tongue. It actually worked. The stupid girl fell for it. I was beyond happy to have her out of my hair.

No sooner had I gotten rid of the whining teen that Bert came barging in with chest pains. It was not a heart attack it was simply a panic attack. The man was under a lot of stress from his disaster of a restaurant. His stress was compounded when I informed him that lab reported that the infection was viral from fecal matter. I informed him that somehow he managed to serve food tainted with fecal matter.

Well, the whole story of the so called food poisoning epidemic was about to take a most interesting turn indeed. Pauline came running in telling me the dishwasher had gone mental. Bert had a look at it and diagnosed it as waste pump back up. I ended up installing it myself because Bert refused to help me. He was to good for the plumbing business once he bought the restaurant. So I had no choice but to try it myself.

The bottom line was my dishes were being washed in water from the toilet. Stupid and incompetent Poppy had served all my patients tea in cups washed in as Pauline so eloquently put it "pooh water." So it wasn't Bert after all. Although I'm still not convinced his restaurant is clean and hygienic. Well at least he agreed to stay and fix my bloody dishwasher.

My bizarre adventure ended on a happy note. I ran into Louisa and she was feeling and looking much better. I decided not to disclose the fact that my temp served her and countless others tea in cup washed in pooh water. She seemed happy and even gave me a little peck on the cheek. I am forced to say it did being on the all engulfing feeling of warmth. She suggested we reschedule. I agreed to eat at her house. However, I do not want to eat at Bert's at least not for a long while anyway. Luckily she was in agreement.

I'm at the end of another wild adventure. I realize it may have been my dishwasher that caused the infection. However, the blood in the salad can't have helped. One wonders where the blame really does lie.


	23. Chapter 23

May 20, 2004

My first patient of the day was Mrs. Admiral. She was an elderly and decrepit patient with eczema. She insisted that it wasn't eczema because she had "never had it before." Oh yes, so utterly logical.

I asked her if anything else was wrong. She mentioned something about her cat being lost. A lost cat is far from a medical problem.

She was coughing rather violently. In her mind, it was the end of a cold. I knew differently. I could tell this was a more serious. However, people around here are always in denial about their medical problems.

As she left she ordered Pauline to make her a cup of tea. That idiot was about to do it. I put my foot down as usual. I believe the sign outside reads this is a surgery NOT a café. I overheard her say that she was going to go home for a smoke. Well that explains the cough. She used the pitiful excuse that she has no little pleasures left. I'm not sure how ingesting poisons into a person lungs until they begin to violently cough can be considered pleasurable. Another way to look at it is that she won't have much life left if she continues to be so bloody stupid. I pointed this out to her and took her cigarettes from her and threw them in the dust bin.

Louisa and I rescheduled our dinner that was previously ruined by Bert. It started out lovely. However, unbeknownst to us at the time, it was doomed to failure as well.

I didn't help matters by saying something rather stupid. As she was busy getting the starters ready, I noticed she looked very nice. She was wearing jeans. Somehow she managed to look nice even in jeans. I meant to simply tell her just that. However, somehow there was a disconnect between my brain and my mouth. I blurted out "You look very 'busy' " I wanted to pick myself up and throw myself in the harbor. She thanked me which at least gave me some hope that she knew what I meant.

We heard a knock at the door. I asked her if she was expecting anyone. I have to admit I did get that warm feeling when she almost sounded guilty when she declared she was only expecting me. She stated she would get rid of them. I sincerely hoped she would.

It was her new neighbors from next door. It turns out the old battle ax that I saw earlier used to live next to Louisa. As I suspected she was unable to get rid of them. They were in the process of unpacking and needed to borrow a corkscrew. Oh please! To me that is not a necessity. I would have lived without it instead of bothering my neighbor at dinner time.

I was introduced to Anthony, Terri and their son Sam Oakwood. I could instantly see that Sam was a little monster. He blantenly threw garbage on Louisa's floor and refused to pick it up. I began to wish it weren't against the law to beat someone else's child.

I ended up being caught on Louisa's deck with Anthony. He was rambling on about being from North Cornwall working in the applied psychology department. I couldn't take it anymore. I decided to tell him I had to go see Louisa about something. She said she was going to get rid of these people. Yes, famous last words. That bloody annoying termite followed me right back into the house.

Suddenly Terri blurted out "Louisa thinks we should all eat together!" I looked at her face and I could tell that Terri had her own version of the truth. Our dinner alone was not meant to be.

I really wish I had the authority to beat someone else's child. First he kept deliberately putting his hand around the burner to get everyone's attention. Louisa reacted and told him to stop. I say let the little bugger burn himself. He wanted the adults attention and they were giving it to him. On the other hand, I would be forced to treat him. Maybe that wouldn't be such a great idea after all.

He knocked one of her bowls on the floor without a word of acknowledgement. Louisa questioned him and he brazenly looked her in the eye defiantly, the miserable little piece of flesh eating bacteria.

Anthony said that mainstream parenting wasn't " their thing." They don't like to draw attention to what Sam does. His suggestion was they could fix it or buy her a new one. When Anthony said he didn't want to make this a "child centered moment" I couldn't stand it any more.

After Anthony went out to pick up some greasy disguisting artery clogging fish and chips, I left as fast a my legs could carry me. I made up some excuse to get out such as I forgot to tell her about " that thing I had to do." She looked mad at me but I did not care. I figured it was only a matter of time before she would be mad at me about one thing or another. It was high time to cut my losses.

I was soon to hear from Anthony very soon. He came by to register. However I could not get him to sign the bloody form. It never ceases to amaze me that people come here to register but seem to have some bizarre aversion to signing the form.

He began to say he finds me utterly fascinating. Well I found him utterly annoying. He states they had a wonderful time until Louisa developed a migraine. I commented that she doesn't have migraines. It dawned on me that she wanted them gone as much as I did. If one person leaves abruptly and the other person develops a migraine one really should give that some introspective thought.

He had the unbelievable cheek to imply that I was some sort of case study. He even had the nerve to ask If I've ever been seem by a psychologist. He implied that I have aspbergers syndrome. He believes that people such as "us" can have successful careers. I say that he is very lucky I resisted the urge to punch him in the jaw. When I threw him out he asked if maybe we could have a "chin wag" later. I DO NOT do "chin wags" with anyone.

I later ran into Auntie Joan later who had scratched her car. He was rather upset about it. I'm not sure what she expected me to do about it. I suggested she was maybe driving to close to the hedge and she didn't like my accusation. She was certain she was keyed. She said that Penhale was worse than useless. I am not surprised to hear that. I was not sure what I could do about that problem either. Penhale is just a bloody idiot.

I went to the school to treat a sick child that had passed out at school. The child had what is known as "slap cheek" syndrome. When I said that, that father got angry thinking I was accusing him of slapping his child. He obviously wasn't listening to a word I said. I was finally able to clarify and the child was sent home.

Louisa asked me if I slept well last night. Since when did she care how well I slept? She cheekily asked if I were lying awake feeling guilty. I most certainly was not. She let the Oakwoods in and couldn't get rid of them. My conscience was crystal clear.

We had another argument. The sick child had not been vaccinated. Sam Oakwood's parents haven't vaccinated him either. Well color me surprised. She said that parents are "frightened" that Vaccines cause an illness. That kind of logic is so utterly ridiculous. There ignorance hurts innocent children. She ended by calling me "Doctor" It was dripping with acidic sarcasm and was not said out of respect believe me.

When I had afternoon surgery that old bat Mrs. Admiral was back. I gave her a weeks worth of antibiotics. It was less then a week. She complained that she still had a rash. I told her to go away. When I left she was sitting outside smoking. I told her to enjoy her poisons and not coming running to me when she dies.

Well I was wrong about Auntie Joan driving to close to the hedge. I later found out that I had been keyed as well. I realize Penhale is worse than useless but I had to at least try to get to the bottom of the vandalism.

I learned that not only is he Narcoleptic, he is agorophobic. Port Wenn is the only place on the planet that would hire a policeman that is both Narcoleptic AND agorophobic. I realize not much happens around here. However on off chance something was amiss, I would like think our Policeman could handle it.

He begged me not to tell anyone. How could I agree to that? He cannot do his job! He literally could not leave the building to look at my car. When I insisted he come out, he stood at the threshold of the door, and agreed that it was a bad scratch. Just how stupid does he think I am? I was able to figure it out and diagnosed it as agorophobia. It is to the point that nothing ceases to amaze me around her.I have become desensitized to the utter madness.

Without Penhale I discovered the mystery to the vandalized cars. I was driving towards the village when something caught my eye. I saw that vile child Sam in the act of keying a car. I violently threw the car in reverse, jumped out and ran after him.

When I chased him into his own back yard, I inhale a rather pungent and disgusting aroma. It made me want to gag. That brainless barmy woman was barbecuing a badger. She didn't intend to eat it. If was a proper funeral. She was trying to release his spirit. I didn't even realize wild feral animals had spirits. The awful stench even permeated Louisa's yard. The woman put out the badger in a rage. The awful swell still hung in the air.

The parents refused to acknowledge the boys awful behavior despite the fact that I caught him red handed. Anthony reasoned that I had insurance. That was entirely beside the point. He decided his little monster did nothing wrong. He seemed to think that teaching a child right and wrong is a bit of a gray area. It most certainly is not when it impacts other people.

I spent the next hour or so smelling like a feral badger. That smell was embedded in the fibers of one of my best suits. I also almost broke my leg tripping over Mrs. Admirals filthy diseased and rather scary looking cat. I swear this village is worse than a petting zoo.

Mrs. Admiral appeared later on and was coughing up blood. I don't understand why smokers are always shocked when their throats and lungs don't work. I made her give a sputum sample and told her I would call her when the results came back. In other words she needed to go away and not take up space in my waiting room.

Terri Oakwood came by and tried to beg me to forgive her vile child. She claimed it was not his fault. I think those of us with scratched cars would disagree with her. She twisted it by saying that people in the world today are to attached to their possessions. She was afraid being branded a criminal would upset him at such a sensitive stage of development.

I shuddered to think of this child as an adult. No one branded him a criminal he is a criminal. Some day he will move on to more violent crimes. What will the excuse be when that times comes? I highly doubt that he will some day wake up and become a Sunday school teacher.

I met with Penhale later. Somehow I let Auntie Joan talk me into treating him rather then insisting that he stop working. She had the cheek to bring up my phobia. I hardly think that is relevant. However, it made it much harder to win the argument.

I got the results of Mrs. Admirals test results back. It turns out she was TB. TB is unusual but it has not been fully eradicated. It is very unusual but it may have come from her filthy and diseased cat. Diseased and poorly cared for animals can spread their germs and viruses.

She asked if she was going to die. I told her yes but not today. She was simply going to remain decrepit and painfully annoying. She asked if she could still smoke. It is amazing to me that a serious respiratory infection cannot overshadow a persons addiction.

I had to go to the school to make sure none of the children were sick. Because of Mrs. Admirals irresponsible behavior I had to go out of my way. I guess the bright side is it gave me an excuse to see Louisa.

Sam was sent home with some symptoms that indicated TB. I hated the idea of seeing that nasty little boy and his barmy partners. Alas, I had no choice.

As soon as I went into their house I was hit with another powerful and revolting odor. Terri was cooking some green gunge that resembled vomit. Her gunge was even less appealing than vomit.

That filthy boy was in his room with Mrs. Admirals cat. I got angry and Anthony said it was up to Sam to choose his own bedmates. They burn badgers and cohabitate with ferile animals. I was sure I even wanted to think of what would come next.

I ran into Louisa outside. It made my unfortunate incident a little better. She said she felt sorry for Sam. I couldn't muster up any sympathy for that awful child. She felt sympathy for a chid stuck with such awful parents. I felt that fimilair feeling of warmth wash over. It occurred to be that she would make an absolutely lovely mother. Before I could stop myself I verbalized those thoughts out loud.

My warm peaceful moment did not last long. Anthony came running out hysterically screaming that Terri had burned herself with the green vomit like gunge. Fanbloodytastic!

I'm finally ready to wind down after all of this. I will probably dream of burning badgers, scary feral cats, and toxic poisons released into the atmosphere.


	24. Chapter 24

May 23, 2004

Well I must begin by stating that what I have been through recently makes burning badgers and daft dotty neighbors look like a picnic or a walk in the park. I think things are finally back to normal. However, every time I say or write that they do haywire again. Perhaps I should not jinx it.

It all began with the young man named Edward that I found painting the front of my house. Bear in mind that I did not hire him to paint my house. He came around begging for work when I was not around. Pauline decided my house was looking shabby. That brazen woman took it upon herself to put him to work. I shall get back to him later. He is integral to the plot believe me.

Auntie Joan was my first patient. I had gotten the results of her bone density scan back. As a brief aside, Auntie Joan is also integral to the story but that too shall come later.

The results indicated that she was showing the early signs of Osteoporosis. The best course of treatment was an estrogen implant inserted in her upper thigh.

She of course had to fuss and question the treatment. She asked what would happen if she refused the treatment. I bluntly told her that her bones would become increasingly brittle and would be prone to breaks. Luckily I managed to put a scare into her and she agreed to have the minor procedure done in the surgery.

After the procedure I escorted her outside and gave her some advice and instructions for after care. I could tell her she was already upset about the whole thing so I decided not to push it.

Before I was able to duck back inside unbothered, Penhale popped out of nowhere. He made this gigantic fuss about how he was outside. He looked at me desperately as though he wanted me to pat him on the back and tell him how proud I was of him for being outside. I think not.

If his infantile need for my approval wasn't enough, he invited me to his birthday party. Well naturally I declined. He gave me such a pitiful look when I declined his invitation. Well the good news is he stopped talking and I was able to get back to my afternoon surgery.

My next patient was Carrie Wilson, an overly dramatic woman with intermittent blurred vision and tingling in both hands. I could tell instantly she was a highly annoying hypochondriac imagining the worst.

She was convinced she had MS. Of course she went on the Internet and let her stupid imagination run wild. I bristle when patients get cocky and think they know more than me because they checked the Internet.

I informed her that she didn't have MS because she had tingling in both hands. A tingling in one hand indicates MS but not in both hands. Really all her angst could be summed up as the onset of middle age.

She became highly dramatic and theatrically told me about her intense relief. PLEASE! Yes yes, she was "sooooo scared." She gave me a very saccharin thank you. I found that ironic because all I did was tell her that she had approached middle age.

Oh but that wasn't the end of her annoying behavior. It turns out her filthy dog was in my waiting room. She proceeded to introduce me to "Princess Tinkle." I became very angry and stated that under no circumstances do I allow dogs in my surgery. Dogs are filthy and carry disease. They do not belong in a sterile medical environment.

Her pitiful excuse was that Princess Tinkle is pedigree. I assured her that all dogs pedigree or otherwise carry disease. Before I was finally able to get rid of her she tried to ask me out to lunch as payment for "making her feel better." I absolutely shuddered at the thought. Obviously I flatly refused her.

The incident with Carrie Wilson was nothing compared to what I was about to face next. I decided to go and pay a visit to Auntie Joan to see how she was feeling after the implant. Trust me it was a grave mistake on my part.

The only problem is putting the incident down on paper will bring back the revolting image that is burned in my memory. Well I might as well just go ahead and express it. I wandered into the house calling out her name. I heard music coming from the kitchen. I assumed she couldn't hear me over the music and wandered even further in. Believe me it was a fatal error.

When I rounded the corner, I saw her and that boy Edward quite far along into sexual intercourse on the kitchen table. OH GOD! I almost felt like passing out. I let out a shrill shriek ,muttered incoherently, and ran out. I ran away as fast as my legs could carry me. I jumped in my car and sped away as fast as I could.

I found it very hard to concentrate on the driving. Even as I was trying to focus on the road that awful image kept flashing into my head like a bizarre bad dream.

Unfortunately my inability to concentrate caused me to almost run someone down as soon as I reached the village. The good news is I said "almost." The bad news is my almost victim was none other than Carrie Wilson.

Of course she was her usual highly annoying and infuriating self. She claimed to feel dizzy and felt she was suffering from "shock." She even put her hand to her forehead and leaned prostrate against my car.

If that weren't enough Louisa witnessed the entire incident and felt compelled to involve herself. On one side, I had a repulsive woman getting on my last nerve fiber. On the other side, I had a woman that I am overpoweringly attracted to getting on my last nerve fiber. It was too much annoying female stimulation at once.

I had no choice but to tell Louisa to back off. She gave me an extremely angry look. I was not overly concerned. She is always mad at me for some reason or other. I knew that she would get over it eventually.

Since in reality I did almost run her down, I had no choice but to drive her home. I knew Louisa was very unhappy about that. However, like I said she would most certainly get over it.

When we arrived she said she still felt "shock." I took her pulse and of course it was normal. I told her that and she had no more excuses. Thankfully she realized that and buggered off. However, not before she leaned over and kissed my cheek. Oh God, how revolting.

I wasn't completely rid of her though. Not a minute later, she ran back and was pounding on my window in utter hysterics. Apparently Edward, Auntie Joan's young paramour was having some sort of fit in her hotel lobby.

The whole time I was attempting to treat him Carrie was hovering over me like some blood sucking parasite. She felt compelled to tell Edward that he was having a seizure. I guess she read all about seizures on the bloody Internet. She assumed that made her an expert on subject.

If that weren't enough SHE was telling ME what to do. Well maybe I didn't just look up seizures on the Internet. However four years of medical school and foundation training have helped me understand how to handle a bloody seizure.

I informed him that he needed to go to the hospital. He immediately cried out in a childish voice " Joan can take me!" I was not having that. I was not going to allow this boy to put out my elderly Aunt. I insisted that a cab would be faster. Luckily he did not give me any grief.

Unfortunately, I wasn't finished discussing Edward. Auntie Joan came over later with Eggs from the farm. Any time she arrives with goods from the farm for me, it means an awkward discussion or integration is to follow. I learned that very early on in my life here in Port Wenn.

She nervously blurted out that Edward is "doing fine." She had the utter cheek to act as though she and Edward together was completely normal. I could not stand by and pretend along with her.

The only thing I could bring myself to say was that it really was none of my business. Of course being a woman she was not about to accept that. Women have to talk every issue to death. I just wanted to forget it in hopes that some day the image could be erased from my brain.

She followed by saying that if I had an issue with her "relationship" with Edward we should talk about it. I could not hold back any longer. I bluntly let her know that what she shared with Edward could hardly be classified a real relationship. She actually looked me me in the eye and told me she felt younger.

I lost my marbles at that point. I have to admit I was very rough with her. I simply couldn't help myself. I informed her that Edward to most likely suffering from some sort of perverted Oedipal complex. She did not like that at all. She prepared to storm out. On her way out she informed me that she was going to keep seeing Edward weather I liked it or not. I felt compelled to yell out the window after her that osteoporosis and sexual intercourse on the kitchen table do not mix.

Later on, I was catching up with paper work when I got a hysterical call from Carrie Wilson. She was convinced that she was having a heart attack. I was just as convinced that she was NOT having a heart attack. However, I knew I had no choice but to waste my time driving to he hotel to see her.

She claimed her heart was " fluttering." I dragged out of her that fact that she was on her fifth cup of coffee. Well, I think maybe five cups of coffee could explain her tachycardia.

I roughly informed her that she stupid complaints were taking time away from genuinely sick people. She of course got defensive and told me I was free to leave. I got up and left with great pleasure.

If that interaction with her weren't enough, she barged into my surgery that afternoon after it was closed. The door was open so she just waltzed in despite the fact that the surgery was closed. She actually came to tell me to keep "my dog" away from her filthy dog that she claims is pedigree. OH PLEASE! I could not believe I was involved in such a moronic exchange. I immediately informed her the filthy flea bag was not my dog. So in essence our exchange was moot.

That did not end our interaction. She continued to prattle on about how she desperately wanted to get to know me. I assured her that those feeling were completely unrequited. She had the nerve to ask me if I were attending Penhale's party. I immediately informed her that my answer was a very firm NO. She hoped I would change my mind. I told her not to get her hopes up. I DO NOT change my mind.

The following day young Edward came to see me. His visit was enlightening to say the least. His EEG results were normal. There was nothing in the results to explain his seizures. I asked him his medical history and he stated he "couldn't remember. I was rapidly losing my patience with him. I angrily glared at him and asked him to please try and remember. I was able to intimidate him into remembering his medical history.

He mentioned that about two years ago he suffered from erectile dysfunction and depression. Well judging from his intimacy with Auntie Joan that was no longer an issue. I shudder!

I did get him to disclose more information regarding his depression. He stated he was "getting better." However, his mother past away recently. Well that confirmed in my mind that his obsession with my Auntie Joan was of an Oedipal nature. Dear God, how utterly disgusting.

Later that afternoon, Louisa decided to stop my unannounced. She claimed it was to " say hello." Every time she stops by to say hello, there is some sort of hidden motive.

She asked me to go to Penhale's party. When revolting Carrie Wilson asked me they thought disgusted me. However, Louisa's invitation to the exact same party was rather appealing. I responded with a very strong "YES!" I would have thought she would have been happy with my affirmative response. Oh, but that would have required rational thought.

Instead she insisted on playing mind games with me. She acted shocked and made this big fuss about it. She reminded me that I usually don't like parties. So, in essence she asked me assuming I would refuse her. Oh yes, so utterly logical. I wondered why she even bothered to ask me. I swear my head was beginning to hurt so much it felt like it could explode. Fortunately work and patient ended our bizarre conflict. We ended on the assumption that I would indeed meet her at Penhale's party.

I had a little accident later when I was out and about in my car. When I backed out of my parking space, I heard a faint yelping sound followed by a ghastly crunching sound. When I got out to inspect, I discovered I had completely flattened Princess Tinkle. Now to me the death of the tiny dog was no big loss to the world. However, I suspected that Carrie Wilson would see it differently.

I looked around as I wondered what exactly to do. I decided to quickly wrap the lifeless animal in newspaper. I would deliver it to Mrs. Wilson. After all, as the dogs owner, it was her responsibility to dispose of the remains.

I arrived at Penhale's party carrying the corpse of the dog wrapped in paper. The minute I arrived Aunt Joan came barreling down the hotel stairs in nothing but a terry cloth robe. It was highly embarrassing. She was crying out for help. Despite that my initial reaction was to tell her to put some clothes on. She hysterically informed me that she thought young Edward was dead upstairs. OH GOD!

When we got upstairs I saw Edward lying in the bed half naked and barely conscious. Yes another image that will most likely to months to leave my brain.

Oh, it got worse. In a way, I really did not want to know. However as a Doctor I needed to know in order to treat him. It turns out that after sexual intercourse young Edward had a seizure and then fell unconscious.

Auntie Joan showed me his " hay fever pills" on the night stand. Well in reality they were pills for erectile dysfunction. The stupid boy overdosed on them.I was able to smack the idiot awake. I of course yelled at him for his utter stupidity. Even though he was conscious he still needed to go to the hospital.

As Auntie Joan and I waiting for the ambulance I began to feel guilty for the Odipeal remarks I made to her about Edward. Even though they were probably true, it was unkind of me to say them out loud. She accepted my apology. Even she had to admit my remarks though unkind were dead on.

After Edward was taken away my next order of business was to give Carrie the remains of her filthy dog. I tried to be delicate and tell her that the animal did not suffer. That did not soften her. She grabbed the corpse from me and roughly slapped me across the face.

The good news is her slap got me loads of sympathy from Lousia. She reached up and gently stroked my check in a most tender and I must say most sexy way. The only problem is she stroked the wrong cheek. However that did not dimimish my enjoyment. It still sent a great wave of warmth coursing through my body.

We started amicably talking and she ending up inviting me to a local upcoming charity concert. Apparently an old school chum of hers in an accomplished cellist and is performing. I immediatly said " YES!" I must admit I said yes even before she finished the question. She could have been suggesting anything and I would have agreed to go. I must admit it was rather embarrassing.

At least the whole crazy story ended on a good note. I now have to concert to look forward to. I'm also pleased I don't have to deal with Auntie Joan and that bloody child together. I think having him out of the picture will help eventually rid of my brain of all the disturbing images.

The other good news is that I think Carrie Wilson will stop her attempts to try and spend quality time with me. I think killing her dog has made her think twice about wanting to be with me in any kind of meaningful way. I have to say it is relief to have her less of a presence. One less worry behind me.


	25. Chapter 25

May 25, 2004

I'm not even sure how to describe the drastic changes that have taken place in my life over such a short period of time. I feel as though my life has changed in the blink of an eye and will never change back. . That is not necessarily bad just a little bit frightening. I keep having to blink to tell myself it is real and not just a bizarre dream with a very happy but surprise ending.

I think the best thing to do is start from the beginning and work my way to the surprise ending. My day started out routinely enough with Pauline's incompetence. Yes, Pauline's incompetence is a considered a routine event in my life.

However I will say the repercussions of her mistakes are somewhat sporadic. This incompetence caused a rather unfortunate and embarrassing scene. She managed to completely mix up my patient notes. What frightened me was patient notes in truly one of the simpler aspects of her job.

I began to examine a male patient that I thought was suffering from erectile dysfunction. He appeared normal in that area if you know what I mean. I asked him questions about his sexual activities. I asked him who initiates him or Mrs. Pierce? He seemed rather shocked and stated that he was Nick Elliot. So, hopefully he wasn't doing anything in that realm with Mrs. Pierce. He came in because he was having trouble sleeping. His insomnia had nothing to do with sexual dysfunctions. It was a most embarrassing and horrifying scene.

I immediately ran out and disciplined my completely inept receptionist. She was properly contrite. I have to say I was shocked at her reaction. She even went so far as to admit that she was wrong. I fully expected her to get defensive and argue with her. I was so shocked I didn't even know what to do.

I decided not to let it bother me. After all I had a date with Louisa to look forward to later that night. She had invited to a charity concert in which her friend was part of the orchestra. I was forced to admit it did give me a bit of a warm thrill just thinking about it.

I made sure to pick her up right on time. I was a little concerned when I noticed her shoes. Don't get me wrong I thought they were lovely. However they were extremely impractical. Women always seem to wear impractical shoes. I was concerned because the concert was going to be outdoors. There would surely be mud and wet grass. She gave me a slightly irritated look when I pointed out the impracticality of her shoes. I decided it was best to drop it and not push the issue any further.

If that weren't enough we weren't able to escape before running into that bloody idiot Penhale. Oh yes just what I needed. Of course he felt compelled to stop, chat us with his inane chit chat. He made the idiotic comment "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" OH GOD! Louisa smiled but all I could do was wince and scowl.

The concert intermission came and we were just awkwardly standing about. For a brief time it seemed we had no one to talk to except Auntie Joan and each other. I have to say I couldn't wait for the concert to start up again. I have always hated standing around and attempting to mingle. I suppose that is why I have never been that fond of parties.

Eventually Louisa's friend Holly arrived. I have to say I took an immediate disliking to her. As soon as I saw her enter the room, I could tell she was horrid. I began to wonder how someone as sweet and lovely as Louisa could consider her a friend.

Louisa introduced me to Holly. Holly immediately commented that Louisa has told her all about me. I suddenly became very worried. I wondered if that was good or bad.

I picked up on a very subtle condescending tone that Holly took with Louisa. Louisa tried to act as though it didn't bother her. However, I could tell that deep down it bothered her. She made a point of saying she could not wait to see Louisa's " little school." She commented that the whole area around Port Wenn was "Idillic." There was almost condescending tone indeed. I was not the least bit disappointed when the wretched woman had to go back to her fellow orchestra mates.

Finally the intermission was over and we were able to sit in peace and enjoy the rest of the concert. I have to admit that when I looked over at Louisa I felt a rush of warmth flood my entire body. She really did look almost angelically lovely. Well the warm feeling did not last forever. In fact he entire evening ended on a horrible and bitter note.

We snuck into a secluded area. That of course led to a very long and intimate and passionate kiss. It heated up the already warm feeling that was coursing through my veins. Somewhere, somehow it all went painfully wrong. I don't exactly know when and how or how it happened. It was all a most painful blur or words and negative emotions. Before I knew it she was storming away from me.

All I did was point out that she was very emotional. Believe it or not I picked up a scent of emotionality. It's quite fascinating really. The pheromones in our bodies have scents that correspond with our emotions. I definitely picked up a scent that woman give off at the beginning of their menstrual cycles. It is usually accompanied by heavy mood swings. Needless to say, she did not like me pointing that out her. I gathered that as she violently stormed towards the car.

As you can imagine the ride home was less the pleasant. I asked her if she was angry that I pointed out her mood swings. I suppose that was a stupid question. However, I had to say something. The deafening silence was almost painful to my ears. I tried to explain to her that I was not being critical of her. Honestly, the whole thing fascinated me from a medical perspective. It wasn't at all meant to be negative.

I was not the least bit prepared for what came next. She suddenly blurted out that she did not want to see me any more. I was absolutely shocked beyond measure. Yes, I knew she was angry at me. However, she always gets angry with me. She also gets over it when left to her own devices. I assumed that this was one of those times.

I am forced to admit I was utterly devastated by her proclamation. Her words felt like a violent crushing pain in my chest. The devastation was so great that I found it almost difficult to function in the minutes, hours and days ahead.

When I got home, I just feel into bed like dead weight. I did not even change my clothes nor brush my teeth. I believe that was the first time in my life that I have gone to sleep without my customary nighttime ablutions. I believe that emotional exhaustion took over and I feel into a deep sleep.

I somehow managed to sleep walk my way through my morning surgery. I cannot even recall the events due to my mental fog. I only know that the morning hours somehow passed.

Around lunch time, I couldn't stand it anymore. I had an overwhelming desire to escape. I had a full waiting room and I did not even care. I simply announced I was leaving and I bolted.

I can honestly say without fear of contradiction that I have never behaved in such an irrational manner. I went into town and peeked into Louisa's window. I just stood there like a raging lunatic watching her iron.

Unfortunately my irrational behavior did not end there. I acted on impulse and knocked on her door. The minute I did I regretted it and couldn't reverse time. She made it clear last night that she did not want to see me. So what the hell was I thinking showing up on her doorstep?

I went into a bloody panic and ran behind a parked car. It was not my finest moment believe me. I could see her at the door looking around in utter confusion. At that very moment, her horrid friend Holly showed up.

I have to admit I listened in from my hiding spot. I became very inscenced at her condescending tone towards Louisa. Part of me wanted to jump out and admonish her for her attitude. However my irrational behavior stopped just short of that thank God.

Later I found myself slumped on the couch brooding in my misery. Auntie Joan decided to stop by. Yes that was just what I bloody needed. I believe that she picked up on the fact that I was in another world. I told her the news and she wasn't the least bit surprised. Oh yes, the prefect way to boost my spirits.

She went further by saying that the two of us were an accident waiting to happen. What the bloody hell did she mean by that? Oh yes she just made my bloody night by stopping by and telling my Louisa was right to kick me to the curb.

Later when I arrived back from one of my roundabouts, I noticed there was a man trying to repossess Pauline's scooter. She was fighting him tooth and nail and Al was helping her. As annoying was the scene was, it was a nice distraction from my situation from Louisa.

I had to force Pauline inside. I also had to stop Al from harassing the man that was only there to do his job. His presence was definitely "too many cooks..."

Everything suddenly came together in my head. Pauline has a serious gambling problem. It explained all her stupid errors. Well I mean errors that were even stupid for her. I also caught her with scratch cards and other gambling activities at work.

I confronted her and got her to admit she had a serious gambling admitted it to me as she sobbed uncontrollably. OH GOD! In the midst of my intervention, the phone rang.

I have to admit I was beyond happy to hear her sweet voice. Unfortunately it was not a social call. Her friend a Holly had an accident near the Harbor and could not get up. I am forced to admit I was hit hard by the fact that she was only calling for Dr. Ellingham and not for just Martin. I only had the pleasure of hearing her voice because her friend was badly injured.

I knew I had to rush to the scene but I had no idea what to do with Pauline who was still sobbing in my waiting room. I firmly told her to wait for me there and to cancel all my afternoon appointments.

Holly had apparently fallen on slippery ground near the harbor. She couldn't move. She kept screaming that she had to get to Bude by tonight. Well not being able to move was going to make that rather difficult wasn't it?

We had to transport her all the way up the hill in a make shift stretcher. We had to elicit the help of several local fisherman. Those hills are hard to climb under any conditions. It's especially difficult when you are carrying a grown woman on a flat wooden surface.

Of course the interaction between Louisa and I was very awkward. I tried to keep a professional distance and just focus on treating Holly. However, that proved much more difficult then I thought.

I suspected a ruptured disk. I told Holly and Louisa that I would be back tomorrow. I knew that as a Doctor I would have to keep a close eye on it? Louisa said in the form of a question, "You're coming back tomorrow?" I have to admit that I felt my heart skip a beat as I detected a slight hint of hope in her voice. With that I quickly extricated myself before I deluded myself any further.

Later Auntie Joan felt obligated to bring me supper. I think she felt it was the only way she could get me to eat. The truth is I haven't felt much like eating.

As I expected the subject of Louisa came up. She referred to us as " chalk and cheese." I thought that was a rather strange analogy but I knew what she meant.

She went on the say that Louisa loves people and I don't. I could pretend to laugh and smile all the time. However I don't see the point so I don't. She felt as though people can't change who they are. I'm not sure if that is true or not. I believe I could change. It's all so bloody complicated.

I knew the next day I had to go and check on that dreadful Holly. Unfortunately I resorted to irrational behavior once again. I decided to try and smile and act happy. I tried to act the way I thought Louisa wanted me to act. I did I tried but I failed miserably.

I was in rare form. I said Good morning in a most sincere tone. When Holly was struggling to turn on to her stomach. I actually encouraged her and called her a " brave brave girl."

Obviously Louisa picked up on it. I guess my performance was not worth an Oliver award. She lit into me like a windmill in a tornado. She pulled me aside and accused me of being "smarmy." I informed her that I was only trying to help her horrid friend. Yes, the real Martin was coming back.

When Holly asked me why I didn't give her an epidural yesterday I replied, "If you had it would have masked the pain and then you would have done something really stupid before the trauma stabilized." Yes, the real Martin has back in full form.

Louisa stormed downstairs after me and we had a nasty row about my behavior. I told her I was trying to be congenial. Apparently it is supposed to come naturally. What the bloody hell does that woman want? I myself haven't the damnedest clue.

A day or two later Holly was up and about. I specifically told her three days but of course she ignored my advice. Did she end up with an even more serious injury? Of course she did!

She was carrying a glass bottle of milk. Her back stiffened and she proceeded to fall right on that shattered pieces. Gee perhaps there was a reason why she wasn't supposed to be up and about yet.

Unfortunately there was a lot of blood. I vomited at least twice. Well it may have been more than twice but the whole even is a blur now. The most amazing part is I wasn't ashamed of vomiting twice in front of Louisa. Normally vomiting in front of witnesses is a shameful event.

It hit me like a shock to the chest. I feel one hundred perfect comfortable with Louisa. She is allowed to see things that others may not see. I love my Auntie Joan but even she does not provide me with that comfort. Not only do in love Louisa she is allowed to see my full self, the good, the bad and he ugly.

That revelation led me to a life changing and very serious decision. After the ambulance took Holly I wad helping her clean up. I knew she was uncomfortable. I even sensed that she wanted to be alone. However I could not bring myself to leave her. I had to find excuse after excuse to stay with the one person that accepted me. I finally forced myself to abide by her wishes.

I got up and attempted to leave. She cried out after me, "You are a great man Martin." How could she say that? It's absolutely positively not true!" I had to disagree with her and tell her she was sadly mistaken about me.

I put my hand in the doorknob but I could not bring myself to turn it. How could I just walk out? For whatever reason she did think I was a great man. I could not loose her again. I took a deep breath and cried out "Marry me!"

She looked pale and as though she might faint. I was sure if that was a good or bad sign. Finally she ran to me threw her arms around me and exclaimed "YES!" I KNEW that was a good sign. I didn't end up going home that night. I stayed the entire night at her house and we made love. Her enthusiastic hug progressed very rapidly into full blown physical passion. I think before either one of us knew what hit us, we were in her bed in the throws of uninhibited passion.

Sharing the physical further cemented what I stated earlier. The instant warmth and comfort I feel with her was intensified during our time together. There are always awkward moments during the first time with a new person. However, that was not the case between us. It might as well have been our hundredth time together. That is how perfect and familiar it felt to me.

I had a feeling that our night of passion would spread around the village quicker then a house on fire. I suspected the rest of the village would know even before we had a chance to adjust to it ourselves. When I was leaving in the morning! we were greeted at the door by Dave the postman. Bad bloody timing! I was leaving and Louisa was standing by the door in her robe smiling. I think he possibly put two and two together.

So that is what I meant when I said that my life changed rapidly and will never change back. I will not miss the uncertainty I/we felt every time we interacted. It is rather a huge relief to have that part of my life behind me.


	26. Chapter 26

When I last left off, we had been " caught" by the postman. Really a postman is the worst person to catch a person or shall I say people in a compromising position. Personal news is carried around with the post at an alarming fast rate.

When I returned home I found Dave sitting and gossiping with Pauline. I could only imagine what they were giggling about. Really the timing was appallingly bad.

If I had waited a minute or two longer, I might just have missed being greeted and laughed at in my own home. I had no choice but to rush upstairs in order to change and avoid an embarrassing confrontation.

I forced myself to put last nights bliss out of my mind and focus on my patients. It was not an easy task but I forced myself to do it. I figured perhaps they would irritate me enough to take my mind off it. Alas I was right.

My first patient was Beth Saul. I was concerned that the wound from her recent knee replacement was not healing properly. Of course she did leave the hospital AMA despite my mountains of protests at the time. If she had taken the time to listen to me we wouldn't have been dealing with improper healing.

She cried that her sister Janet is a research scientist apparently. Her sister convinced her that she desperately needed to leave early because of MRSA. I could barely comprehend the insanity of that statement. MRSA is a very rare infection. I'm not going to deny it does happen. However, leaving the hospital early because of it is just plain foolish and there are no two ways about it. I clearly conveyed to Beth how I felt about this matter.

I was concerned that the infection only seemed to be getting worse. I decided to up the antibiotics. I firmly told her she MUST take them as directed. She became defensive and stated that she had been taking them. I seriously suspect she was lying. If she had done what she was told we would most likely have not been in the position we were in. However, I had no proof so I choose not to pursue it

I was getting very tired of her telling me about her sister Janet and what she thinks of the recovery and after care. I felt compelled to reinforce several times that I am in charge of her after care NOT Janet.

After Beth left Pauline gave me some background on her sister Janet. I'm not sure if it is accurate or not. However, it was interesting nonetheless. Supposedly she was a secret government scientist that tested experiments in humans. She got caught went mad and allegedly killed a whole bunch of people. I'm sure that rumor is highly embellished. However I don't doubt that Janet has more than a few screws loose.

Later on I was shocked to find that the entire village was aware of our engagement. I got several pats on the back before either one of us made it public knowledge. I should not have have been surprised. I knew were in trouble when we were first caught by the postman.

The only problem is word got to Auntie Joan before I had a chance to tell her. I didn't mean for it to happen that way. I suspect she was hurt. I explained to her that I never meant for it to get out before I talked to her. I believe that I smoothed things over. I gathered things were OK because she offered he her grandmother engagement ring. I have to admit having the ring meant there was one less chore for me to deal with.

We met for dinner at Bert's. Of course he has to make a fuss about our engagement. He stupidly claimed he "saw it coming." OH PLEASE! He finally left us in peace Thank God!

Once he left us alone to talk, I felt a strong feeling a dread and panic wash over me. My God there is so much to plan and thinks about when planning a wedding. It may sound naive and stupid but I really had no there were so many details to think about. I would never tell Louisa this but it seems ridiculous to have that much stress for just one day of my life. After while my head felt so full it felt like it was about to explode.

I was awakened from my flow of chaotic thoughts when one of the other diners collapsed and was unable to breathe. I'm ashamed to say this but I found it to be a welcome distraction. It was none other then Dave the postman, the man who first set the wildfire of rumors surrounding our engagement. I was able to give him a dose of an inhaler from an innocent asthmatic bystander. That was able to loosen up his airways.

I informed him he needed to come with me so I could fully examine him. He initially refused stating he was on a date. I informed him that only a few minutes ago he was not breathing. I thought an examination was more important than impressing a date. He relented and came with me.

Of course that meant I had to abandon my new fiancée. I decide to make it up to her by promising to cook her a proper meal tomorrow night. She seemed happy with that.

The plot thickened with Beth Saul. I checked with Mrs. Tishell and found out some disturbing news. Apparently she had never been in to collect any of her antibiotics. That certainly explained why her wound wasn't healing. I became very alarmed when Beth did not come for her appointment. Something with wrong with her and I was sure her barmy sister she always mentioned was somehow mixed up in it.

I knew I had to go and see Beth myself. It irritated me to no end that I had to waste my entire afternoon on a home visit. However I know it was best interest of the patient. Pauline warned me to be careful of he mad woman. PLEASE! I'm not afraid of some crazy old bat.

Well Janet, the crazy old bat in question, answered the door. She told me it was a pleasant surprise. She voice was dripping with an acidic sarcasm. She completely took over and wouldn't let me Beth speak. I tried to question her about her not picking up her medication. However, Janet took over and danced around the issues. Just what the bloody hell did she take me for?

Things finally calmed down and Louisa and I were able to have dinner alone. I choose to have her here for dinner. It gave us privacy and allowed us not to be interrupted by any random medical emergencies. I decided it would be the perfect time to give her Auntie Joan's ring. Now that sounds simple on the surface. However, as usual there were a few glitches.

For starters I could not find the ring in my pocket when I went to reach for it. I was trying to carefully search for it without drawing attention to myself. However I could clearly see she was already looking at me and mentally saying "What the hell is wrong with you Martin?"

I did eventually find it. It turns out it had slipped down in my pocket. However, I was still not in clear. The bloody ring flew out of my hand and into her baked potato. Fortunately I was able to get it cleaned off, cooled off and on her finger where it belonged.

I still managed another faux pas after that. I asked her what her plans were after dinner. Apparently she assumed she was invited to spend the night. Why must women make such ridiculous and irrational assumptions. Of course I was then forced to back peddle and say that I was thinking the same thing. How utterly infuriating!

Things were spinning out of control with Beth and her lunatic sister Janet. I ended up seeing several cases of respiratory distress similar to the first case of Dave the postman. For the life of me I could not figure out how the respiratory distress was spreading. I figured it had to be a common allergen of sorts. For the life of me I could not figure out what that allergen could be.

I got my answer when I went to see Beth again. Beth too was in respiratory distress. I told her she had to go to the hospital. She tried to fight me but I went ahead and called an ambulance anyway. I was even more disturbed when I noticed that the pills by her bedside were not the pills I prescribed. I knew her sister was involved in this madness. Once Beth admitted that I went and looked for her barmy sister.

I knew she was hiding out somewhere and I WAS going to find her. I stumbled upon a door that led into darkness. It lead to a dark basement. I figured that out when I went crashing down the stairs and landed on my coccyx!

The crazy old bat was growing mold cultures in an attempt to grow her own antibiotics. She was feeding them to her sister instead of the prescribed treatment. It suddenly dawned on me that the respiratory epidemic started with her. There was a vent leading up to her kitchen. Dave picked them up when he delivered that post. He passed it along to innocent people when he delivered the post. Unbloodybeleivable! I told the crazy bat that the department of health could clean up her mess.

After sorting that mess out, I had dinner with Louisa. I actually had a product for her that might help her or more to the point help us. Well she has rather bad snoring habit. I need sleep and that is just a concrete fact. At dinner I gave her nasal strips. They really are quite clever. They fit right over the outer nostrils and they help the air flow. They really are quite clever. Well I suspect she didn't like it. I gathered that from the evil look she gave me. However, she must accept them. I mean if we are eventually going to be sharing a bed for the rest of our lives this is the only way it will work! I trust she will get used to them.


	27. Chapter 27

Today was supposed to be my wedding day. Yes, that is correct, I said "supposed to" be my wedding day. I believe my opening sentence already gives a clear indication as to how this story is about to unfold.

I'll begin by stating the obvious, I'm not a married man. My or shall I say our day unfolded into a series of disasters that lead to the inevitable cancellation.

My nerves were on edge since the second I opened my eyes on my alleged wedding day. I suppose that is only natural. I feel that for me it was much worse . My normal anxiety was doubled or even tripled by the mass hysteria that is Port Wenn.

One of my first patients rambled on and on about how Louisa has "always" talked of marrying a Doctor. I found that very hard to belive. Unfortunately, I was not in a position the question someone who had perhaps know Louisa since she was a child.

I suppose I should have been glad that I was culmination of all her dreams. However, the whole conversation was so bloody stupid it was impossible to muster up that much if any enthusiasm.

My next patient was the Vicar that was going to marry us. Yes that is correct the Vicar was doubling as a patient. Of course he felt compelled to remind me that I had neglected to bring him the hymns for the wedding.

Did I mention that I was put in charge of the hymns by Louisa? Why I a man who knows nothing about liturgical music was put in charge of hymns, I'll never know. Perhaps that is something to ponder and write down on another separate day altogether.

I immediately noticed his hand was trembling. I don't mean some mild nervous shaking I mean full blown tremors. As a Doctor, I had to ask what the problem was. That and I was mildly curious about what was ailing the man that was supposed to marry us in just a few hours.

In reality, I had strong suspicion it was some sort of withdrawal from alcohol abuse. Of course there exceptions but alcohol abuse in the first thing that comes to mind with tremors especially of the extremities. I remember thinking that a minister with DTs was clearly a bad sign.

I felt obligated to question him. It was the only way to get accurate diagnosis. I expected he did not take kindly to being questioned about his alcohol abuse. Of course, I have yet to meet a patient that does take kindly to being questioned about alcohol or drug abuse.

Unfortunately, he stormed out. This is when I began to feel that things were spinning out of control and were about to get worse very much worse indeed.

I had yet another surprise waiting for me. My next patient was Louisa's pregnant bridesmaid. It turns out she got hit in the head with a party popper. Now what were bloody odds of something like that happening? Every time I thought my day could not get worse it It immediately did. Perhaps there is something to the power of suggestion.

I was trying to examine her but she kept engaging in puerile small talk. She decided to blurt out that I wasn't anything like what she expected. What kind of statement is that? I'm not exactly sure what what she was expecting nor did I want to know.

She was prattling on so that I felt I needed to ask her if she was her for an exam or chat. Of course she looked hurt. It's as if I was expected to put up with her stupidity just because she was the bridesmaid for my future wife. They may be how she felt but forgive me, I was not going to comply.

The whole thing ended with her flatly saying "I'll see you in church." Well obviously I would see her. It was also my wedding. What a completely stupid thing to say.

Later, Roger came to me and asked me if was "sure" about the wedding. He told me he had to ask. Well that is not exactly true is it? He did not "have to" ask me. He chose to ask me. Then he gave some platitude about caring for both of us. Oh for God sakes, just give it a bloody rest.

Then he too started hounding me about the hymns. Well perhaps they should have put me in front of a firing squad or burnt me at the stake. YES, It was the day of my wedding and I hadn't brought the hymns yet. Why didn't they just shoot me for God sakes.

Unfortunately the plot thickened when it came to those bloody hymns. I FINALLY was ready to deliver them. The minute I arrived the Vicar questioned me about my wedding. At that point I was damn near ready to throttle the next person that questioned me in that manner.

It was still early in the day. It was abundantly clear that he has been drinking. He couldn't weasel out of it this time because I could smell it on his breath. Unless he could prove that his newest brand of mouthwash smelled exactly like alcohol, he was not getting off the hook with me or anyone else for that matter.

I tried to grab his flask with some amount of force. In doing so, he resisted and fell over. It wasn't just a fall with a few scrapes. I examined him and realized he appeared to have a hip fracture. Fanbloodytastic!

As he was taken away, even I have to admit I felt a sense of fear bordering on dread and panic. A wedding day without a functioning Vicar is a bit of a conundrum.

I decided the only thing to do was scramble to get another one. That in itself is a difficult task. However, for me on my wedding day difficult soon became an understatement. I would have almost yearned for only a difficult task.

I asked around and got the name of Mr. Porter, a bishop in Delabolde. Well of course I didn't really want to go to Delabolde but what choice did I have? So I rushed off with some great urgency.

At first, the new vicar slammed the door in my face. Given the way my day had been going I can't say I was at all surprised.

I was desperate so I kept trying to communicate to him through the door? I told him My name was Dr. Martin Ellingham. Somehow that made a difference. I was surprised at that. However, at that point I didn't care how it made difference; I only cared that it did indeed make a difference.

Unfortunately he asked me the question of the day, "Are you prepared?" I know I said I would throttle the next person that asked me that. However, since I needed him desperately even I knew I had to control my most primal impulse. It was oh so utterly frustrating.

Unfortunately this man had something more in mind than simply counseling me on marriage. I turns out he needed "a favor". I shuddered at the mere mention of "a favor." Something in his tone told me that was going to less then pleasant indeed.

He wanted me to examine his pig. Something was wrong and he wanted a second opinion. I must clarify that when I say "pig" I do not mean a fat objectionable person. No, he meant an actual pig!

I tried with every fiber of my being to object but the bottom line was I desperately needed him and he had me exactly where he wanted me, the bloody idiot. I realized I had absolutely no choice but to examine this literal pig.

To make a long story short and slightly less disgusting, I ended up having to examine the pigs anus. Oh that was far from one of my finer moments.

If that wasn't humiliating enough, the bloody Vicar asked me how I felt. I had my hand in his pig's anus? How the the bloody hell did he think he felt. Then he proceeded to lecture me about marital happiness. Examining a pigs anus AND being asked if Louisa and I could make each other happy was almost more then I could stand.

The good news is that eventually the examination ended and he agreed to officiate the wedding. I honestly think if he hadn't agreed after that ordeal, I would have committed second degree murder right then and there with out a second thought.

It was finally time to get ready for the wedding. However, even that didn't go smoothly.

I was in the process of calmly getting ready when I received a hysterical call from Louisa. She was sitting up on the hill bonding with Isabelle when she promptly went into labor. Given the nature of my day, I wasn't even the least bit surprised.

I ran up to the hill as fast as I could. Unfortunately it was not fast enough. 'My plan was to bring her back to the surgery and deliver the baby in a somewhat medical environment. However the child had other ideas. The baby was coming right then and there and there was nothing we could do to stop it.

Obviously after delivering a baby on the hill, we were both too much of a mess to go straight to the church. So we parted with words that we would see each other soon.

I'm sure that by now it is abundantly clear that did not happen. Well we did see each other one last time but not at our wedding.

I went home and got cleaned up. As I went to walk out the door I was hit with a figurative paralysis. My legs worked but I felt so overcome with conflicting emotions I couldn't will them to move.

I began ruminating about all the times I was asked today if I were "certain." I hate to admit this but maybe deep down I wasn't certain.

I love her. There is no reason to deny that. However I wondered if that were enough? I mean she once told me that every conversation we have is combative. She is right about that. Could love snuff out the combative talks? I was not sure if love was that powerful. The fact that my emotions were causing a paralysis was also a very bad sign indeed.

I suddenly heard a noise and looked up to see Louisa standing before me. She was in her wedding dress. She looked so beautiful it almost made me dizzy.

In fact it almost swayed my emotions for a few seconds. However, I came to my senses and realized that there was no way out. It was indeed true that love was not enough.

Before I knew it, she was walking down the hill and I knew she was gone forever. The fact that it could never work did not make the sight of her leaving me any less difficult.

Well even just recounting the events of the day, I'm exhausted. It's time for me to have a cup of herbal tea and go to bed. I only hope that sleep will relive me of the images of her walking down the hill away from me.

.


	28. Chapter 28

Life is seems has continued in a downward trajectory since our almost wedding. It started with the cancellation and spun very rapidly out of control.

She did not just walk away from me that fateful night. She left the village. She up and moved to London. I must admit I was shocked at her utterly impulsive and stupid decision. She supposedly went to be close to her horrid friend Holly. As if I believed that for a second.

All these unsettling changes have led me to a momentous decision. I simply cannot stay here. Every where I go, I am faced with memories of the past with her.

I need to get back to city life. That is where I belong. It was a mistake to ever come to Cornwall in the first place. If I hadn't come here, I wouldn't have had to go through all this emotional mess.

I find myself yearning for the invigorating thrill of surgery. I miss the daily whirlwind. The whirlwind that engulfs you and keep you to preoccupied for ridiculous emotions. I think that is more the life for me.

I realized that in order to return to that life I needed to overcome my Haemophobia. I have begun steps to try and overcome such a crippling phobia. It won't be easy but I know it can be done.

I decided if I started out slowly perhaps I could gradually overcome it. I bought saw raw and very bloody livers for the butcher. They looked absolutely nauseating. I had no intention in of eating them only using them for dissection. I guess you could call it pretend surgery.

The only problem is I had a bit of difficulty getting the revolting livers home. It should have occurred to me that all the filthy mangy local dogs would be alerted to raw meat. I had at least a dozen smelly possibly disease ridden dog chasing me though the village. I've never been more relived to get home in my entire life.

I have to admit I felt on the verge of vomiting when I look the slimy and bloody livers into a pan. I pulled out an instrument and mentally prepared myself " to operate."

I was inches away for incising the liver when Auntie Joan decided to barge in the door and call after me. BLOODY HELL! I had to cover it up and swallow the acid that worked it way into my throat.

For some inexplicable reason she felt compelled to make me lunch. I did not have much of an appetite just after my near surgical procedure.

To make matters worse, she had another filthy dog with her. Apparently his name is Buddy. He belonged to her neighbor. She felt guilted into taking in the filthy creature.

Of course the flea bag had to run wild. Much to my horror, he went right for my experimental livers. He tried to grab them. Auntie Joan got curious and asked what the dog had. Well that really was beside the point wasn't it? It clearly wasn't his. Fortunately she was able to call him before he did too much bloody damage literally. I decided to get on with my day and test myself with the livers later.

Bert was one of the patients on the schedule. Every time he comes as a patient it is the result of some petty and stupid complaint. Nothing is ever seriously wrong with him. As usual this consultation proved to be no different.

He has a mole on his upper thigh. The first thing he said was that it " feels suspicious." When I examined it, I could not find anything suspicious. It was not raised, inflamed, nor had it changed in size.

Then he started rambling on about "matters of the heart" and "something missing." Oh God! I knew exactly what he was doing. Just what did he take me for? It was clearly meant to be a subtle barb regarding my relationship with Louisa.

Just as I was absorbing the subtle nature of his he thought clever barb, Pauline came barging into the surgery. I immediately lit into her for breaking my cardinal rule. She knows she is not supposed to come in when I'm with a patient.

She brazenly turned around and walked out. On her way out she nonchalantly added that there was an emergency at the school. Oh bother!

The only positive aspect of this is it got me away from Bert and his stupidity. I kept that in mind as I rushed towards the school.

The emergency was that a child has somehow gotten a pencil jammed in her cheek. Naturally there was blood. Unfortunately my phobia still inhibited my ability to react. I first observed from the outer limits of the classroom. However, the headmaster was nagging me to react. I once again swallowed the acid in my mouth and moved forward.

I quickly was able to pull out the literally bloody pencil. I was able to continue without vomiting all over an innocent child. Thank God for small miracles.

I had a shaky experience as I was trying to extricate myself from the school. It happens it was the first time I had been in the school since Louisa left. As I walked by a classroom my mind played a rather cruel trick on me. In my mind, I was her. Obviously it wasn't her. However from the back the resemblance was uncanny. When the actual woman turned around, it was enough to send me running from the school for dear life.

I had to go by the Pharmacy. I met Mrs. Tishells husband. I assumed he was dead. I don't know exactly what that says about the nature of their relationship. As you can probably imagine anyone that ends up with barmy Mrs. Tishell is not quite there either.

His name is Clive. I immediately noticed he was shouting. He has apparently been working on the rigs and had hearing damage. Yes, it was that especially annoying shouting that only comes from someone with hearing loss. Even though he can't hear a bloody thing he denies there is a problem. I suppose I should not be surprised. We are in Port Wenn after all.

The situation with Clive got even more bizarre. Clive had the gaul to look me in the eye and say, "Sal talks about you all the time. Should I be worried?" OH GOD! I should say not considering that the mere mention of it caused near emesis on my part. I don't know which was more disturbing, his remark or that fact that Mrs. Tishell assured me that he would only be in town for "a few weeks."

I decided that was the perfect time to extricate myself and quickly. I really did not want to explore the topic further nor did I wish for either one of them to expand further.

As luck would have it Auntie Joan's dog aka Buddy followed me home. What the hell is it with the dogs in this village? I somehow got rid of that last filthy mongrel. I don't know what happened to him nor do I care. The minute he is gone I get stalked my another filthy creature. Why aren't they deterred by the fact I show them no love whatsoever?

I was not having that bloody beast in my house. I picked him up, put him in the car, and provided door to service to his rightful owner.

When I got there she had a friend with her. Oh God! I was not in the mood to have a moronic chin wag. All I wanted was to do was drop off the bloody dog.

Of course, her friend had to make an inane comment about the filthy creature. She exclaimed, "He must be very fond of you." I explained that dogs are not capable of doing or feeling anything other than eating or smelling.

I had hoped she wouldn't bother but Auntie Joan felt compelled to introduce her her friend to me. Her name is Barbara Collingworth. She also felt compelled to share that Barbara is a behavior therapist. I don't know what made her think I would actually care what Barbara does for a living.

Oh but the utter madness did not stop there. Auntie Joan decided it would be totally appropriate to disclose my Haemophobia to a woman who was nothing more than a mere stranger. For one brief shining moment, I felt as though I could fall into a syncopal episode.

Barbara clarified even further by saying she is a dog behavioral therapist. I had no idea that such a profession existed. Why do dog need behavioral therapists when they contribute absolutely nothing to society?

About an hour or so later, I was the eyewitness in a completely avoidable accident. Clive was at the heart of it. Of course, Clive had to bump into me first. When I became impatient with him he exclaimed that he was going to recycling with his bottles. I was not interested in where he was going. The plain fact is he still bumped into me. Where he was going was completely irrelevant.

Around that time, I saw Barbara on her bike. Oh yes the illustrious dog therapist. At the same time, Clive was walking in the middle of the street. Barbara tried to warn him with the bell on her bicycle. Of course the bloody bugger didn't hear her. I even tried to cry out as loud as I could.

Barbara tried to swerve in an effort to avoid him. She only ended up flying over the handlebars. I wished I hadn't been embroiled in such a tangled mess. Everyone just stood there with their bloody jaws hanging open. I knew I would be the one that would have to take charge of a highly annoying situation.

As I was hanging up with 999, I slipped on the bottles that broke from Clive's recycling mess. I managed to slice up my hand rather badly. As soon as I saw it I knew it was a wound that would require stitches.

I was more worried about vomiting in front of the village than I was about the blood gushing from my hand. I actually had to go to the hospital with that bloody infuriating Clyde to have my hand stitched up. Well wasn't it just turning out to be a peach of a day.

On my way out of A and E, I passed by Barbara. I must admit I was concerned that she appeared flush and complained of ongoing stomach pains. I immediately shouted at the nurse to bring me an abdominal surgical specialist.

When I turned around I saw something that caused a physical sensation that felt like a punch in the solar plexus. There stood before me Dr. Edith Montgomery. BLOODY HELL! Fortunately I haven't thought of her in years. Unfortunately, I was forced to remember her, my ex fiancée standing before me.

Last I heard she was working in bloody Canada. I say that because years ago she was offered a so called opportunity of a lifetime in Canada. That opportunity meant more than our future together. So claimed she had no choice but to call off our engagement.

Unfortunately I must have let some of my disdain show. She felt compelled to ask me if I had eaten a "bad pasty." Oh yes, so hilariously funny. I asked her what she was doing in Truro she ignored the question. She has the utter cheek to say,"I think I'm examining my patient but let's have a catch up instead." I suppose one could say I walked right into that one.

When I announced to her that I was indeed Barbara's GP, she raised her eyebrows and made a very hideous face. At that point, I couldn't cope with it any longer. I knew I had to extricate myself and that is exactly what I did. I must admit that getting away from her what quite a weight off my chest at least for the moment.

I decided it was imperative that I stop by the pharmacy and inform Clive that he is a bloody idiot for causing such an accident. He has the bloody gaul to say it wasn't his fault. I couldn't believe my healthy functioning ears.

As a knee jerk reaction to his shouting, I instinctively starting shouting that I could help him. He continued to protest shouting that he didn't need help. I believe the fact that we were all standing there shouting indicated that he did in fact need help. All I could do was tell him to come see me and than extricate myself. I knew I was largely fighting an uphill battle.

Later during surgery, I had an unexpected visitor. I had just finished up with a hysterical mother and daughter, when in walked Edith. BLOODY HELL! I had almost managed to vanish my memories of her from mind when in she came.

She made a few degrading remarks about my country practice while I tried to ignore. She briefed me on Barbara's condition. I knew exactly what she was doing. She was trying to avoid any personal confrontation by acting business like. I wasn't having it.

I realized it was up to me to ask her what the bloody hell she was doing in Truro. Apparently she runs a private fertility clinic across from the hospital. She is at the hospital once a week for obstetric research.

I also wanted to know more. After all I haven't seen the woman in twenty years. According to her she was married. However, not long enough for any real damage to occur. At that point I wasn't sure in my mind if that was a good or a bad thing.

She had the utter cheek to say that she heard whispers of a surgeon that developing Haemophobia. OH PLEASE! She went further to ask me if I have "lost my edge." Even if I had which I haven't does she think I would actually admit that to her? Thankfully she eventually left. However in the back of my mind I knew she would be back.

Not moments after Edith left Chris Parsons stopped by. Yes, Chris is a friend. However nine times out of ten a visit from Chris means there is some issue with my practice. Apparently a recent patient, Mr. Walton, complained that I called him a " mentally deficient parasite." My argument to Chris was that Mr. Walton IS a mentally deficient parasite. Fortunately Chris is reasonable and realizes that this village is full of chronic complainers.

I confided in Chris that maybe it is time I try and return to surgery. For some reason Edith telling me I have lost my edge made me want to fight my way back to surgery. He asked about my problem. I told him I was dealing with it. Well, it's true for the most part. He said he would see what is out there. At that moment I was beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Unfortunately I was not done with Barbara. She cornered me on the street and told me that she is concerned that Edith is not good with information. She didn't seem to understand. I of course he to reiterate that she had the MRI and CT scan which indicated a mass. Therefore she will operate. What was not to get?

Much to my shock, she insisted that she did not have a CT scan. All I could think was that Edith had made a diagnostic leap. I knew I had to settle this immediately.

I actually called her right there on the street. Well, that bloody insolent woman told me to mind my own business. I was not about to let that defeat me. I was going to see Barbara later in the hospital to check things out.

I went to the hospital and argued the point further with her. She told me that I cannot insist on a CT scan because Barbara was not my patient anymore. I turned and left but was still not defeated.

I decided to take the bull my the horns and take Barbara for a CT myself. I was certain I was right and I wasn't going to let this go. I encountered some resistance. However, I got my way by exhibiting sheer force.

Thankfully I was correct and I was a diverticular mass. The bottom line was Barbara DID NOT need surgery. Edith did manage to mutter "well spotted" but of course no formal apology.

Even though that episode was over I was not free from petty annoyances. Back at the surgery, Clive and Mrs. Tishell emerged with a literal bloody mess. According to her, Clive went poking around in his ear with a swab. I really shouldn't have been surprised.

After making him perform the balance test, I came to the conclusion that it was not noise induced deafness as he had insisted. He had an infection of the inner ear. The infection can be corrected by surgery.

I was concerned that Mrs. Tishell seemed a little too happy that her husband would be able to go back to work and be far away. I was not even going to begin to analyze that one. I had enough on my mind already.

Later that night, I was calmly preparing my evening meal. My calm was completely shattered when Edith arrived at my home. Lord, that woman is relentless. She kept trying to convince me that I am not ready to go back into surgery.

I decided that I am not going to let her or anyone else discourage me. If I work at it, I can conquer my fears and return to surgery where I belong.

At the end of all that, I received a blow that will most likely change my life forever. This blow may in fact change my future plans and/or my future period.

I heard another knock at the back door. Really two intrusions in one night was more than I could stand. When I went to the door, I noticed a familiar figure though the glass. It almost looked like Louisa. However, I knew she had left town.

It was in fact Louisa. Just seeing her was a jarring shock. However, that was not even the final blow.

I looked down and noticed her protruding abdomen. All I could think of say was "You're pregnant!" I realize that wasn't the most brilliant deduction given the sight of her protruding abdomen. Well, I was rather taken aback.

She immediately saw Edith and stammered that she should get going and was sorry to bother me. I think at that point it was a little to late for apologies.

We had words outside. She stated a job may be opening up at the school and she wants to come back. We ended our words and she went down the hill into the village.

I just stood outside watching her form grow smaller and she walked further away. Now what? I fear it is time to sleep. However, I cannot seem to find an answer to that question. Now what?


	29. Chapter 29

Oh so where did I leave off. Oh yes, with Louisa showing up at my doorstep six months pregnant with my or shall I say our child. The fact that Edith happened to be at my house made the situation even more awkward. That woman certainly has rich timing.

I followed her outside because I had no intention of discussing our child in front of Edith. I already knew the answer but something compelled me to ask a rather stupid question. I started to ask her if the child was our child or more to the point mine. I know it was incredibly stupid but I was in quite a state of shock. A person is never at his best when he is in such a state. Her answer was exactly what I expected unfortunately. "It's ours, yours and mine."

She emphatically stated she did not want to get married. She said she was perfectly fine and did not need my help. In the back of my mind, I wondered why she showed up at my doorstep if she needed nothing from me.

I once again in my shocked state managed to misspeak. I informed her that at this point it really was too late for an abortion. Well, I got such a hot glare, I could almost feel the heat melting the flesh in my face.

I thought it was rather cheeky of her to change the subject by asking who Edith was. It was really none of her bloody business since she decided to barge in on us. I refused to give her any information. I gave her a simple yet honest answer. My simple direct response was "She is Edith." Well it was the bare truth.

Finally our little discussion ended. Edith attempted to support me by saying that it is not my problem. I wish that were true and I wanted desperately to believe it. Deep down I could not force myself to accept it.

She also informed me that it was not my job to rescue her. I agree but It's hard to just ignore the situation and offer no assistance. Unfortunately the harsh reality is it is my problem. It's a very large problem at that.

If the initial shock wasn't enough I got assaulted by Pauline. She was appalled that a pregnant woman was paying for shelter. Well it's not my fault that she came back after renting her house. Her housing issues are now and always will be strictly her problem. I nipped the situation in the bud by telling her that whole situation really isn't any of her or anyone else's business.

My life has been nothing but issues with pregnancy and fertility. I met with Mr. and Mrs. Millinger. They had been trying to have a child for three years. It suddenly occurred to me to reefer them to Edith.

All I wanted to do was reefer a patient, it was that simple. However, she did not see it the same way. She felt compelled to interrogate me about London. It was clearly neither the time nor the place as I was with a patient. I bluntly told her that and hung up the phone.

Of course Mr. Millinger took out his anger and frustration on me. Why must patients blame their medical issues on the Doctor that is attempting to treat them?

Soon after the obnoxious Mr. Millinger stormed out Auntie Joan came by. As usual it was far from ideal timing. Of course, busybody Pauline ha to tell her Louisa's situation. I'm not sure why she felt it was her place. I suppose it shouldn't have surprised me.

Of course this led to a serious discussion and questions I was in not mood to answer. I informed her that Louisa sprung this on me yesterday. I mean it wasn't as if I had known from the beginning and ignored it. I felt compelled to let her know that I was informed at the same time as the rest of the bloody village.

Being a woman she of course had to bring feeling and emotion into it. She asked me what I intended to do. Well Louisa made it abundantly clear that she doesn't want me involved. So what was there to say?

I heard Louisa was offered a position at the school. For some reason I found myself drawn towards the school. I overheard a meeting between the Head Master and Louisa. I wasn't intentionally eavesdropping but I could hear snippets of their conversation. I was caught when some busy body teacher said Hello to me. That made my presence known. I could tell Louisa was not happy I was there.

I actually did want to have a word with the head master. He has missed two appointments. So how can I treat him if her refuses to come in. I was wondering if he was still constipated. I decided it was necessary to ask him. Louisa simply walked away awkwardly.

I know she said she wanted nothing from me. However, I felt I should ask her if she needed anything. I figure being pregnant she may very well be in need of assistance.

She immediately told me that head master is weird. I didn't ask her about the head master. I asked her if she needed anything. Why can't women answer a simple question instead of rambling on about another subject entirely.

I figured she was telling me he was "weird" because she was angry about not being in that post anymore. Of course she became defensive and stated that he is "not normal."

Somehow her remark hit a deep nerve within me. That nerve damage led me to remark that having a baby without telling me was also "not normal." Her excuse was that she did not want to have the baby alone in London. I disagree and think all it was feminist point scoring. Yes, let's come back to the village where the father in living and parade around like we don't need him shall we.

She informed me that she was going to the hospital in Truro. I also think that her informing me of that was another was another attempt at feminine point scoring. Yet another way to show the world how she didn't need me. I told her it was her own personal choice. I abruptly shook her hand and walked out.

Well finally Mr. Strain, the headmaster, finally came into see me. I painfully hate to admit this but I think Louisa was right. After every finding, he nervously replied "Don't tell Miss Glasson." First of all, even if I wanted to tell her, which I don't, I'm not allowed to discuss his case with anyone.

The most bizarre part was he had this bizarre head twitch. He was completely unaware that he was doing it. He also couldn't tell me how long he has been plagued with this affliction. I had some work and research to do on neurological diseases.

I ran into Louisa in the village. I wanted to cleverly extract information about Mr. Strain without breaking Dr. patient confidentiality. I asked her to clarify what she has specifically meant by "weird."

I didn't get very far. She said he was moody. Well I didn't know what to make of that. I slipped up when I asked her if he had threatened her in any way. She wondered why I was asking. I then had to back step and say that I could not discuss my patients. She in a round about code like way that she had not been threatened but he was very "weird."

As we were finishing up Auntie Joan pulled up. She was giving her a ride to Truro. I commented that I should be taking her. She immediately stated that she was "fine." Oh yes one more score for the feminists and negative for the man.

I had another appointment with Pauline's Uncle Jimmy and his wife. Jimmy was off the charts aggressive. Perhaps that is because he had three times the testosterone in his blood stream.

The bloody moron thought that taking more testosterone would make her nice and mossy fertile. Well, it has the exact opposite effect. The brain in response tells the boys to stop producing natural hormones which turns into a very dry infertile environment. He stormed off in a bull like rage with his wife leaving behind a puddle of tears.

Not soon after Jimmy came barreling into my consulting room aggressive an gigantic stupid ape. He explained that he was in the Welsh coast guard and it all seemed natural. I knew where this was going and I didn't like it. It was unable to stop it.

He asked me if there was a cure for being gay. Oh God! I explained that this was very much out of my area of expertise. It is very much indeed.

He felt compelled to mention that his wife says he's "bi". It could have died a happy man without that information. He asked me if he were bi or gay. I don't know and very seriously don't care. Again this is not my expertise. He stormed out saying he could "live with bi. Well I could have lived without knowing that information thank you very much!

I finally figured out what the issue was with Mr. Strain. His urine sample turned blue. That indicates that his body had difficulty breaking down enzymes in his blood. It was causing his brain to malfunction.

I knew I had to call the school immediately. Pregnant Louisa was is an environment with an unstable man. No one could locate him. I asked the school to please call me the moment he came in.

Within minutes Louisa was on the phone sounding evasive. I instantly realized she was in Mr. Strain's clutches. They were stuck in Rosscarrick cove. I knew I had to get there ASAP. The element of danger is doubled outdoors.

I arrived an Louisa was playing into his madness by pretending to be cleaning up the beach. I tried to explain that feeding a delusion only makes it worse. As I expected she did not listen to me.

As I was trying to explain this, Mr. Strain got angry and shoved Louisa. You do not shove a pregnant woman. You especially don't shove a woman carrying my child. I hissed at him and he responded to me by running into the sea.

I had to run in after him and between me and PC Penhale we were able to retrain and arrest him. We were able to do so before there was any harm to Louisa and the children.

After I escorted Louisa to the school entrance, Edith pulled up. She wanted me to look at her thesis and have it read by Monday. Oh yes, I have nothing better to do. She suggested we meet for supper to discuss it. Why do I get the feeling she is trying to worm her way back into my life?

I only hope there is no trouble between her and Louisa. I suddenly feel tired. For some reason dealing with two irrational woman tires me out.


	30. Chapter 30

I was trying to start my day of with a nice quiet day outside. I say that I was trying because it was anything but quiet.

I noticed a figure coming slowly up the hill. I soon realized it was Louisa. She was walking rather timidly and I could not understand why. As soon as she came within close range, she abruptly turned and scurried off.

Now, what is the bloody hell was that all about? Was she unconsciously afraid to approach me for anything concerning our child? Was it an unconscious effort to snub me and/or show me how unimportant I am to her life? Yes, that will be the day when I can figure her or any other woman out for that matter.

Oh but I wasn't done with Louisa for the day. Not five minutes later, in bursts Auntie Joan and Louisa. Auntie Joan decided to inform me that Louisa needed to see me.

I wondered if she had somehow lost the power of speech since I last saw her. Her throat did not look swollen which would indicate laryngitis. Yet, she was using my Aunt as a mouthpiece. Yes, so bloody logical.

Auntie Joan as her makeshift healthcare proxy stated that she hadn't felt the baby move in a bit and I was happy to help. Well, Auntie Joan was speaking for all of England wasn't she.

The three of us went into the consulting room. Yes, I said the three of us. Auntie Joan insisting on being present there too. I knew already it was gonna be a long day.

I informed Louisa that really anything number of things can go wrong. Of course Auntie Joan had to act appalled. I finally put my foot down and asked her to wait outside. Her response was to declare sarcastically I didn't need her. Yes, that is exactly what I said.

It turns out everything was fine with the baby. It's heart rate was a little but faster then normal but variances from the norm do occur. Louisa officially declared herself as one of " those hysterical pregnant mums." Well, I certainly wasn't about to disagree.

I transitioned from dealing with Louisa to Edith. She insisted we meet for lunch to discuss the thesis that she asked me to review for her. She ordered a steak which was nothing unusual at a late afternoon lunch. However she had to make it into an issue. Woman love to make things into issues. She felt compelled to asked me if I minded that she ordered something bloody. I hadn't thought of that but it was so kind of her to remind me.

The whole afternoon ended with Edith kissing me. What the bloody hell is she playing at? Well perhaps I do know what she wants from me. To put it simply, I think not. It's too late for all that now. She should have thought of that before she choose a career in Canada over me.

I went into the surgery and there was a man getting ready to paint. I must say I was rather gobsmacked. I mean it is shocking to see a strayer with a paint brush in ones surgery. I informed him that I was not consulted so he has better bloody well stop. His cheeky response was that my "pratice manager." Well I found that rather interesting since I don"t have a bloody practice manager. I also didn't have time to be involved in such inane arguments.

Just then the phone rang and to my utter disgust it was the old cantankerous man Mr. Rutlidge. For some bizarre reason he wants to go to a nursing home. However, as I've told him ad nasuem he does not qualify. In order to try and get his way, he calls constantly pretending to be ill so I will admit him to a nursing home. Well, it's not that simple. However, sometimes I wish it were that simple. If he were put away, I wouldn't have to hear from him several times a day every day.

He claimed he was having a heart attack. I knew with one hundred percent degree of certainty that he was not in fact having a heart nor was he having any issues of any kind. Unfortunately I am obligated waste my time and pay him a home visit. Well big bloody shock, he was not having a heart attack. So in essence I wasted a good portion of my afternoon.

My next patient became Joe's brother but only through my insistence. When I can back he was still there. I noticed he kept dropping the brush and was unable to pick it back up. I insisted he come though.

After doing a complete Neurocheck, It became clear he may have a genetic disorder such as Huntingtons disease. After a brief and of course incomplete family history, I was fairly certain it was Genetic in nature. I had Pauline do a blood test.

The next thing I knew Joe was descending upon me in a mad irrational panic. Although that kind of behavior is not that unusual for Joe. Still I was not in the mood.

He began ranting and raving about how their Grandfather died young. He kept asking me to tell him "the truth." He was convinced he was dying. He felt compelled to make it clear that everyone cares about Sam. Oh God help me.

I felt compelled to examine him out of frustration. In the midst of it all, he had a full blown bloody panic attack. He even gave me a rather firm hug and told me he would miss me. Oh God!

I'm not sure why but Auntie Joan cannot resist butting in when it comes to Louisa and the baby. She has this annoying habit of begging me to "take interest." I find myself constantly reminding her of the Louisa does not want me to "take interest" in her/our child. I am merely respecting her wishes. Auntie Joan managed to criticized me for that. I've decided that I simply cannot win where women are concerned.

Once I was finally had a rare and unfortunately brief moment to myself, I decided to test myself. I am desperately trying to overcome my heamophbia so I can go back to London and be a respected surgeon again.

Unfortunately I think it will be a long road to recovery. I immediately felt extremely nauseous. My stomach was rolling all over the place up down and sideways. The only good news is I didn't actually vomit. At times, it felt like a very close call.

As I was recovering from my wave of nausea and mild dizziness, I was jolted back to reality with an annoying phone call. It was that bloody old parasite, Mr. Rutlidge. It was another one of his schemes. He was once again claiming chest pains or some such nonsense.

This encounter was a bit different. This time Louisa was there. She was acting as some sort of advocate for the the deranged parasite. She argued that the poor man was rather frail and did belong in a home.

At first I found this rather puzzling. I wondered why she was advocating for an old man she barely knew. Suddenly it hit. She wanted to stay in the house. AH HA! Well I certainly found her behavior rather unethical. She was using an old man to get better housing. Of all the bloody nerve. I was not giving in. Not matter how hard she pushed, I refused to refer the old buzzard.

She finally relented when I made it clear that I was not referring him. As I tried to leave, she showed me her ultrasound. She has a concern about the size of the baby. She claimed that Edith gave her technicalities but she wanted reassurance.

I looked at the image and explained that the baby was most like fine. It is small for it's age. However, every baby is different. Some babies have a growth spurt.

I took it back from her and told her I would review it with Edith. She became most unreasonable did not like the fact that I was gonna discuss "our baby" with Edith. I asked her if this was a problem. It was of course a problem. This time she said she was not happy with me discussing "her baby" with "my ex." Well, isn't that interesting. It's "our baby"when she needs help. However, it's "her baby" when it suits her. The woman is so bloody infuriating.

It turns out Mr. Rutlidge won in the end. As luck would have it, the old buzzard tripped and fell. He did it well because he suffered a hip fx. That immediately qualified him for nursing home placement. Now Loiusa can move her and "her baby" into the house.

It turns out I finally got to the bottom of what was ailing Joe's lunatic brother. I must admit it was not at all what I thought. I got a call in the middle of the night from Joe stating his brother was having some sort of seizure.

I arrived and Joe came to the brilliant conclusion that he had "eaten something bad." Oh yes so simple. Believe it or not, he was suffering from lead poisoning.

It turns out he is a bloody art forger. He had to make his own paint to match the paint from the 1800's. Bloody hell, this could only happen in Port Wenn. The only good news is it got rid of him.

Joe came to see me later all emotional and stupid. He was ever so apologetic. His deepest concern was that the incident with his brother did something to our "special relationship." he asked me if we were "ok." What could I say? I decided an insincere nod would get the job done. Fortunately it did and the bloody idiot left with a smile.

I was grateful for peace and quiet in the evening after all the chaos. I opened my desk drawer and remembered that I put the ultrasound there for safe keeping. I hd never had a change to discuss "her baby" with Edith.

I studied it myself. Yes, the baby did look on the small side. However, it did not look like a problem. I am fairly certain he will have a growth spirt. Based on just my opinion, I think he is perfectly fine. I will remember to explain that to Louisa tomorrow. I feel there really is no need to consult Edith.


End file.
